Harry Potter and the BoyWhoLived
by Seel'vor
Summary: On that fateful night, Halloween, 1981, Voldemort was defeated by the BWL, Andrew Potter. What happened to Harry? He became... something else. H/Hr/G. Rating for language and implied situations
1. Introduction

Introduction: 

First, the disclaimer: Harry Potter is owned by J.K. Rowling. The other trademarks are owned by Bloomsbury Books and Warner Bros Motion Pictures. I do not own anything in this except for the plot and any original characters that I may or may not introduce in later chapters.

The Vampire Clans Ventrue, Tzimitzce and any others featured in the World of Darkness are owned by White Wolf

The Beretta M93R-AG is in fact the famous (or infamous) Auto-9 used by Robocop in the films.

Ron Weasley is thicker than a brick sandwich. This story takes place during the 5th year at Hogwarts, therefore nicely avoiding the complete car wreck that was HBP and DH, and the complete carnage that was Hermione dropping 100 IQ points and finding Ron attractive. Seriously, just not going to happen. On the plus side, however, it does feature Ron being humiliated, Bat-Bogey'd and hit in the balls a couple of times, so it's all good.

This story is a collaboration between myself and MagnaMorbius, who very nicely beta's my work, so send him an e-cookie, to keep him happy.

This story will be in several 'parts', which will be released in chapter format. Part 1 contains chapters 1-15. Part 2 will contain... dunno how many chapters, since we haven't actually written it yet.

**Author's Note:** I apologise for the chapter names. They were not my idea.

**Beta's Note:** Well, if you'd actually bothered to come up with them yourself...

**Author's Note:** Why are we arguing about this?

**Beta's Note: **Because we can. Now, on with the story...


	2. Realisations of Fact and Fictions

– **CHAPTER ONE –**

_Realisations of Fact and Fictions_

Andrew Christopher Potter. The 'Boy-Who-Lived'. Harry snorted to himself, as he threw the newspaper down. He reached into the pocket of his duster, and pulled out a packet of cigars. He lit one, and took a deep drag, causing the end to glow cherry-red. He knew the truth about the 'Boy-Who-Lived', and it wasn't Andrew Potter. The wizarding world was in no shape to face the horrors that were already beginning.

"You have that look on your face, Harry."

Harry looked at the pale girl sat next to him, her smile more than a little sinister with her shiny white fangs.

"What sort of look, Shari?"

"Lunchtime." The vampire looked no older than Harry's 15 years, but she had celebrated her 87th birthday only a week earlier. "I take it that the Runt-Who-Usurped has you annoyed?"

"Not annoyed, per se, but resigned." Harry shrugged as he ran his favourite dagger over his fingertip, opening up a small cut that flowed freely. Shari suckled on the offered digit, the act completely platonic. Shari only drank human blood in this way, but rabbits and cats were deemed fair game. "It's been over a decade, but the events happening in the Wizarding World are prompting me to return. Voldemort's return is being ignored in favour of a smear campaign against Dumb-bore and Potter."

"That's not all. Father received an emissary this morning. He was promised as many humans as we could eat it we join Voldemort."

Harry winced; vampires had been hunted for centuries by muggles and wizards alike, and some would be eager to return the favour with interest. "What did he say?"

"He said he'd consider it." Shari shrugged, wrinkling her nose cutely. "He knows that Harry James Potter, the Real-Boy-Who-Lived, could unite us all as equals and end the hunts, and Voldemort. He knows that Harry the Hunter could help unite the vampires against Voldemort, but the wizards and muggles could fall on us in an instant."

"Harry Potter is dead." He hissed. He winced, and shook his head. "I'm sorry, Shari. I know it's not Sebastian's fault. I like my life. I help the good and destroy the evil. I'm well paid and know who I can trust. Immersing myself back in to the Wizarding World is just going to tear in to that."

"I know. But you wouldn't be going in to their world alone." She gave his finger one last gentle suck, and then sealed the cut with just a stroke of her finger. "I would go with you, disguised, as your contact with the Clans."

"Here, kitty kitty, eh?" Harry smiled. "Guess I'd better go pack, then."

"Indeed, Harry. Time to seize the Wizarding World by the jugular. The sweet, life giving jugular." She saw Harry's slight look of disapproval. "What? It's just a turn of phrase."

* * *

Harry stood before the doors that separated Hogwarts' students from the rest of the world, and stared at them with a look of disapproval, before looking at the jet-black cat that sat next to him, staring at him with unblinking eyes.

"I hate this."

Meow.

"You too. With bells on."

Meow meow. Meow?

"Scared? Of a bunch of sheeple, two crap parents and a fraud? I think not."

_§Who would've thought such a mighty wizard would be scared of children? §_

"Ovophis, haven't you anything better to do than bother me?"

_§No. §_

Harry shook his head at the snake that was currently coiled just above his bicep, leeching warmth and offering slightly sarcastic social commentary. "Fantastic. Who's next, then?"

A flash of flame caught his eye as a shockingly white Phoenix suddenly appeared, sitting on the bracket that held the torches, basking in the warmth.

_What troubles you, Harry-Wizard?_

"Flash blindness, reduced circulation in one arm and hairballs on the pillow." Harry smiled, stroking his other familiar, feeling her gentle strength soothe him. He set his shoulders, pushed open the doors to the Entrance Hall, and walked up to the large doors of the Great Hall. Knocking three times, he pushed the massive doors open with a flourish, drawing every eye in the hall towards him.

"Good evening, Hogwarts!" he cried, with a bright, cheery tone that sounded particularly forced. All sound of conversation and eating suddenly stopped, as everyone focused on the young man standing in the doorway. _Hmmm, tough crowd. Still, if I can do the Comedy Store on student night, I can do this..._

"Who are you?" Dumbledore asked, out of his chair like a shot and holding the Elder Wand, firmly pointed at the newcomer.

The stranger looked at Dumbledore, totally unconcerned with the pointed wand. "You may address me as 'Hunter', Headmaster." The tone was supercilious, bored.

"And why are you here, Hunter? What is your purpose for being at Hogwarts?" Dumbledore's tone was cold as ice.

Hunter shrugged, looking unconcerned. "I just thought I'd pop back in, ya' know? I've been to Hogwarts before, just thought I'd see what's changed."

Dumbledore cocked his head. "When have you been at Hogwarts? I don't remember seeing you before."

Hunter shrugged again. "You wouldn't remember seeing me. I was... discrete."

Andrew Potter stood up, a sneer attached to his face. "So, what are you doing here now?" He asked, arrogantly.

Hunter turned, an evil smile filling his face. "Ah! Young Master Potter! What is it they call you? The 'Boy-Who-Lived'?"

"Yes," Andrew sneered. "I'm the 'Boy-Who-Lived'. Who are you? How do you not know who I am?"

Hunter rolled his eyes. "Tell me... 'Boy-Who-Lived'... why the hell should I recognise you? What exactly have you done that's worthy of recognition?"

Several people surrounding Andrew gasped in shock. A tall, red-haired youth stood up. "He's the hero of the Wizarding world!" Hunter rolled his eyes again. "He saved us all from You-Know-Who!"

"Voldemort?" Hunter asked, waiting for, and receiving, the inevitable flinch. "And how exactly did you do that, Master Potter?"

Andrew looked around stupidly. "I reflected his curse back. It destroyed his body." He replied.

_Jesus, this guys thick! I can't believe I'm related to him. Fucking parents..._ "Ah." He nodded. "I'll ask again. How. Did. You. Do. It?" Hunter asked slowly, in a tone better used for patronising a particularly slow child.

"My innate magical strength was greater that You-Know-Who's." Andrew replied, again sneering.

Hunter burst out laughing. "You're taking the piss, right? You think you're stronger than Voldemort?" He saw Andrew flinch at the name. "For fuck's sake, Potter, grow a pair! It's only a bloody name." He looked around the Great Hall. "Anyone here know French?" Several people nodded. "Okay, translate 'Flight of Death'. That's what it means."

Dumbledore stepped forward, keeping his wand raised. "I ask again. Why are you here?"

"Well... I heard all sorts of fascinating rumours recently. I heard that Voldemort's on the move, attempting to attack various different targets. I thought that I'd come and take a look-see. Plus, it's a chance to come and see Hogwarts. I've enjoyed the time I've spent here so far."

Dumbledore nodded slowly. "You've been here before? When?"

Hunter looked up at the ceiling for a moment. "Uh... June 1992, May 1993... March 1994. I was actually in Hampshire in for a good portion of this year, so I missed all that nasty business with the Tri-Wizard."

Dumbledore, for all his failings, was not a fool. "That's an... Interesting collection of dates."

"Isn't it?" Hunter asked calmly. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the black form of Shari chasing after a clearly terrified Mrs Norris, who was bolting for the exit like her life depended on his. Hunter shrugged. _It probably does, at that._ "It's not as though anything interesting happened during those dates, is it, Headmaster?"

Dumbledore nodded slowly. "Several interesting things have happened, Mr. Hunter."

"Just Hunter." He replied quickly. "So... who's up for a history lesson?" Hunter looked around the Great Hall. "It's actually part of the reason I'm here."

James Potter stood up from his seat at the head table. "You came here for a history lesson? Just who the bloody hell are you?"

Hunter sneered, and flipped the Defence teacher off. "Shut it. It's a very sad fact that you don't know who I am."

"Why's that?" Potter asked arrogantly.

"You'll find out." Hunter turned, and whistled a quick six-tone tune. The doors to the Great Hall opened, and a large red bird flew in, singing. Almost everyone in the Hall felt a wave of peace flow over them, as the Phoenix song calmed their nerves. Except for Hunter. He fell to his knees, grasping his head as he cried aloud.

Dumbledore and the two older Potters raised their wands. They recognised the signs that the newcomer was displaying.

"What's going on?" One of the Ravenclaw students asked.

"The song of a Phoenix affects people differently. Those who are firmly on the side of light feel comforted. Those who are evil feel intense pain from the song of a Phoenix. Not just dark, but truly evil."

Hunter suddenly stood, and looked at the flying avatar of light. "Get down here, Fawkes!" He shouted.

The Phoenix glided down, and landed on Hunter's outstretched arm. The two looked at each other, engaged in a furious staring competition.

The three teachers on the stage lowered their wands carefully as they watched the two.

"Exactly why was that necessary?" Hunter demanded. Fawkes began to trill calmly. "In what way was it funny?" Fawkes cocked his head, and trilled again. "You're evil, you overgrown turkey. That wasn't funny."

"What's going on, Mr. Hunter?" Dumbledore asked calmly.

Hunter didn't even look up. "Not now." He continued staring at Fawkes. "So, what've I missed?" Fawkes trilled for several long seconds. Hunter burst out laughing. "You're shitting me, right? He couldn't fight his way out of a paper bag!" Another trill. "Who?" Fawkes let out a long note. "Well, can't fault the teachers. Do you know how long it'll take?" Fawkes let out a noise that sounded suspiciously like a snicker. "Even you won't be alive then, old friend. So, I suppose it's down to me?" Fawkes nodded. "Bloody marvellous. Does anyone else know yet?" Fawkes shook his head. "Should they be told the truth?" Fawkes looked at him, and trilled mournfully. "Well, that's absolutely no help, Fawkes. Thanks for that." Fawkes looked offended, and flapped a wing into Hunter's face. "You evil little git! Do that again and I'll tell Albus all about your little project." Fawkes trilled angrily and raised his wing. "And I'll cut you off from Hedwig." Fawkes suddenly stopped, and looked mournfully at him. "Good boy. Now, he's looking worried. Go and play."

Fawkes launched himself from Hunter's arm, flew over to the Head table, and settled in front of his bonded human.

"Fawkes, is everything all right?" Dumbledore asked, looking down at his familiar. Fawkes trilled softly, and allowed Dumbledore to pet him.

Hunter sat down at the Ravenclaw table, and grabbed a bread roll. "So... what's happening round here?" Several students looked at him with an awed expression on their faces. Hunter looked around, and sighed. "Bloody hell." He stood, throwing the bread roll back onto the table, and headed to the Head Table.

"Isn't anyone going to invite me to join them for dinner?" He looked around the Great Hall at the various shocked expressions. "Wow... hospitality really isn't your strong suit, is it?" He turned, and started to walk towards the doors.

Snape, seeing his moment, reached out with his Legilimency, to find out who the stranger was. He 'eeped' as he found himself rising into the air, before being suspended upside down, thirty feet off the ground.

"What is happening?" Dumbledore demanded angrily.

Hunter stopped, and turned around. "Using Legilimency against somebody without their permission is a criminal offence." He replied coldly. "I don't allow people to do this to me without... retaliation."

Dumbledore raised the Elder wand again. "Release Professor Snape!" He shouted.

Hunter smirked. "As you wish." The strings holding Snape up suddenly snapped, causing the greasy-haired man to plummet to the ground. Twelve inches from the hard stone floor, he stopped, before being allowed to slump to the ground. Hunter strode over, grabbed him by the throat, hoisting him into the air. "Try that again, you slimy bastard, and I won't catch you. Clear?" Hunter waited for a moment, then squeezed. "Is. That. Clear?"

Snape gurgled, which Hunter took as an affirmative.

"Now, if there's nothing else, I'm hungry, and since you're such a crap host, I'll be going to Hogsmeade for dinner." Hunter replied, before stalking out of the Great Hall, his cat following him playfully, clearly having enjoyed herself.

Dumbledore looked at his faculty, before pulling a small medallion from his robes. "Call the Order."

* * *

Hunter sat in a booth, calmly drinking a Butterbeer. He knew there would be people coming for him, to 'chat' in that ever so friendly way they had here. He snorted softly to himself, and pulled out a smoke. He transfigured an empty bottle into an ashtray, and waited. He mainly chewed the tips of the cigars, but they did add to his overall look, especially when he used one to light the petrol he'd sprayed over a vampire nest, burning it to the ground.

Rosmerta came over, a smile on her face. "Hello there, Stranger. What can I get for ya?" She asked calmly.

Hunter looked her up and down, and grinned cheekily. "I suppose you in black leather's out of the question?"

Rosmerta grinned back. "I'm working. And I prefer lace. Less squeaky."

"Ah, 'tis a shame, fair maiden." Hunter smiled. "Since I'm only flirting, what specials d'ya have?"

"Well, we've got some nice lamb chops, with boiled vegetables." Rosmerta replied.

Hunter nodded. "Sounds good. I'll have that." He looked around the room. "Would you also send a glass of FireWhiskey to the gentleman sitting at table five under the invisibility cloak, please?"

Rosmerta nodded, without looking at the table. "No problem. Be six sickles, young sir."

Hunter handed over a Galleon. "Keep the change." He sat and waited patiently while the waitress took the drink over to the table. A dishevelled man pulled off the cloak, and glared at Hunter, who raised his Butterbeer in a mocking salute.

"Christ, these guys are amateurs. How they've managed to stay alive this long is a bloody mystery." He muttered to himself, taking a deep drag from his cigar.

After a few minutes of scowling at the raggedy man, Rosmerta delivered his food. "Thanks, sweet." He said, picking up his cutlery and digging in with gusto. After a moment, he looked up. "If you want to sit with me," He said loudly, "it would be better to approach, instead of spying on me."

He took another mouthful of food, then looked up to see Dumbledore, the two Potters, and Sirius Black looking down on him. "Well, don't just stand there. Sit down." Hunter said, waving magnanimously at the other side of the table. "I would offer you dinner, but since you've already eaten and were too ignorant to offer me dinner, I think I'll restrain myself."

Dumbledore spoke first. "Who are you? Not more cryptic answers, or pathetic half-truths. Who are you?" His voice was cold and harsh.

Hunter snorted. "_You_... have the balls to tell _me_ about half-truths and cryptic answers? I don't think so. Someone once said 'what you don't know, can't hurt you.' Balls to that. Personally, I've found what you don't know can get you killed."

"How do you know Fawkes then?" James asked, looking down at him imperiously.

"We've met." Hunter replied coldly. "That's all you need to know."

"He's the Headmaster's pet." James answered. "I think he has the right-"

"If he has the right, why isn't he asking?" Hunter said. "And more to the point, you should know that Phoenixes aren't pets. They have free will, and can go where the hell they like."

"Then how do you know him?" Dumbledore asked.

"That's none of your business, old man." Hunter replied. "You didn't seem too friendly back at the school. Why the hell should I be friendly now? Especially considering you're interrupting my dinner."

"We can give you dinner back at Hogwarts." Dumbledore said. "You walked out rather abruptly."

"So I did. You didn't exactly seem friendly or polite. I'll treat other people as they treat me. Since you're being rude and condescending towards me, it doesn't exactly bode well to your future. Is there a reason you're staring at me, woman?" The last comment was to Lily, who hadn't taken her eyes off Hunter throughout the entire meeting.

She looked down, and blushed. "Sorry... you just remind me of someone."

Hunter snorted again. "I'm sure I do. But, that's again not relevant."

"Do we know your parents?" James asked, looking curiously at Lily.

"You know, I think you might've met them. Although, personally, I don't exactly consider them 'parents'. More... the people who provided the genetic material for my birth. A sperm donor and a warm oven for the bun."

"Who are your parents, then?" Dumbledore asked. If he couldn't get the name of the child, he would try for the names of the parents.

"Again, not relevant to our discussion." Harry could a feel slight pressure against his Occlumency shields, and it didn't take a genius to work out that Dumbledore was feeling a little frustrated by the lack of information. "Now, since you're being rude and asking all sorts of personal questions, I'll ask my own. What do you want? Why are you following me around? Why did you send that man to spy on me?" Hunter asked angrily.

"Why did you come to Hogwarts?" James asked again.

"I answered that question in the Great Hall, Professor. I will not repeat myself." Hunter took another bite of his dinner, which had gone cold. He scowled, and pushed the plate away. "And put that bloody wand away, Black, or I'll snap it. And you. I could break you in half without breaking a sweat." His hardened gaze shot towards Sirius, who placed the wand back into his pocket.

Hunter looked back at Dumbledore. "Also, I think it's rude that you've got a werewolf spying on me. Let me guess... trying to figure out my scent?" He looked over to the next table, where he heard someone sigh, and pull off an invisibility cloak.

Hunter recognised the man immediately. "Lupin. Offspring of Fenrir Greyback. Be careful, or my silverware might... slip... during dinner." He looked around the group in disgust.

"If this is all the vaunted 'Order of the Phoenix' can do, you're in a pretty piss-poor shape to fight a war." Hunter sneered, an expression Snape would have been proud of.

"I've met you before." Lupin said, ignoring the threat of Silver poisoning. "Your scent is familiar."

Hunter nodded. "Yes, we've met before. I've met all of you before," He glared at the werewolf. "Moony." He looked at Sirius. "Padfoot." He glared icily at James. "Prongs."

He glanced at Dumbledore and stood up. "Since I can't even eat my bloody meal in piece, I'll leave you now." Without a word, he vanished.

Lily looked at Lupin. "He seemed... familiar somehow."

Remus nodded. "I agree. I know that scent... I can't remember where, though."

"We'll go back to Hogwarts." Dumbledore stood. "I have the feeling we'll be seeing that young man again."


	3. Whoops! Did I Say That?

– **CHAPTER TWO –**

_**Whoops! Did I Say That?**_

"Hello, children!" A voice called out from the doors. "I'm back! Didja miss me?"

Dumbledore looked up from his meal, and suppressed a groan. Hunter stood in the doorway, grinning like a monkey.

"Since I was treated so rudely yesterday, I won't presume to wait for a dinner invitation. I just thought I'd come back to finish my story, and then piss off again."

Dumbledore stood, and gestured to an empty chair at the end of the staff table. "We saved you a place, Mr. Hunter."

Hunter glared at him. "I told you, it's just 'Hunter'. A name, a title, a vocation. And if you have to be prompted to offer someone a dinner invitation, it's pretty fucking worthless." The younger children gasped at the profanity the intruder had shown, while the faculty gasped at the disrespect the intruder had shown to the Headmaster.

"Why don't we continue this conversation in my office?" Dumbledore asked, sighing at how difficult Hunter was making things.

"Because," Hunter replied, valiantly fighting the urge to flip the old bastard the finger, "I'm here to give a history lesson. After all, 'those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it'."

"We have a similar saying." The same student from Ravenclaw who had spoken to him previously again spoke up. She was attractive, bushy-haired, with a nice figure. "'Those who fail History class are doomed to repeat it'."

Hunter grinned. "Ah, yes. Professor Binns. Useless git. Hasn't he been exorcised yet?"

The Ravenclaw shook her head.

"It's nice to meet you, Miss Granger." Hunter said, striding over and offering his hand. "You're about the only person who's been polite so far."

Hermione held out her hand, before stopping. "How do you know my name?"

"I know the name of every person in this room." Hunter replied, taking her hand and gently kissing the back of it. "And a few other facts as well. How're your parents? Is their practice doing well?"

"Uh..." Hermione felt a moment of panic. "How do you know what my parents do for a living?"

Hunter grinned, showing off a perfect set of teeth. "Because they're my dentists, Miss Granger. I've used them for the last few dental procedures." He looked up at the head table, where the teachers were looking irate at being ignored. Feeling spiteful, he decided to carry on talking to the girl. "So... what's it like going to school with the vaunted 'Boy-Who-Lived'?"

Hermione glanced around uneasily. She had gotten in trouble with several of her year-mates because of her opinion of Andrew Potter. "Er... can I take the fifth?"

Hunter nodded, and kneeled next to her, whispering something in her ear. She gasped, and stared at him. He nodded, and stood up.

Dumbledore sighed. He knew why Hunter was taking so long while talking to Miss Granger. "In your own time."

Hunter nodded, and stood in the middle of the Great Hall. "So... history lesson. It's to do with the war with Voldemort." He waited for, and got, the silly screams and scared noises. "Where to begin..." He looked up. "Headmaster, where would you like me to begin?"

Dumbledore shrugged. "Since I have no idea what you're talking about, I suggest you start at the beginning."

Hunter nodded. "Very well... August, 1979. In a pub called the Hogs Head, the Headmaster of a school, who shall remain nameless for the moment, met with a woman who was applying for a teaching job. This woman gave a prophecy during her interview, and was hired on the spot."

Dumbledore shot up in his chair. "I don't believe we should be discussing this in public. If you'd care to come to my office-"

"No, I wouldn't." Hunter interrupted rudely. "I've started, so I'll finish." He looked around the sea of faces. "If no-one here has any objections?"

"I want you to continue." Hermione said.

"Thank you." He glared at Dumbledore, then carried on. "This prophecy foretold that a child would be born that would defeat the Dark Lord."

"Me!" Andrew stood, raising his hands for the inevitable praise.

"Sit down, little boy." Hunter said icily. "Your part's coming up, don't worry." Andrew sank back into his seat, thoroughly cowed. "Now, on November 1st, 1979, two of the teachers in this room, mentioning no names but rhymes with 'Rotter' decided to make squelchy. The result? Conception."

The two Potters glanced at each other, embarrassed by the attention, and a bit insulted at the phrase 'make squelchy'.

"Nine months later, on July 31st, 1980, the prophesised child was born. Does anybody here know his name?" Without waiting for an answer, he carried on. "Now, this was not the only child born on July 31st. There was another. Does anybody know _his _name?"

The people in the Great Hall looked at each other.

"Andrew was the only one born on that day." Dumbledore said, calmly. "There are no other students of Hogwarts with a birthday of 31st July."

Hunter nodded. "That is true, strictly speaking. There are not any _students_ in Hogwarts with that birthday. But, that's not what I asked."

Hunter glanced around the room, then looked up at the Potters. "Would you care to tell them?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." James said.

"Okay." Hunter turned around. "The two children born on that day were Andrew Christopher Potter... and his twin brother, Harry James Potter."

Most of the crowd started whispering amongst themselves. Ron turned to his best friend. "I didn't know you had a twin!"

Andrew looked around. "It's not important." He said weakly.

Hunter heard the comment, and suppressed a grin. He looked up, to see the Potters, with a look on fury on their faces.

"Now, we fast forward fifteen months, to October 31st, 1981. I assume everyone here knows the significance of that date. Of course you all do. That's the day that Voldemort met his downfall. But, can anyone here say what happened that night?"

Andrew stood up, again preparing to take the credit, but Hunter cut him off. "Sit down before you embarrass yourself." He looked up at Dumbledore. "Well? What happened that night?"

"Andrew Potter defeated the Dark Lord on that night. He reflected the killing curse back onto Voldemort, causing him to be destroyed."

"Really?" Hunter asked, sounding amused. "And how did you come to that conclusion?"

"The scar on his chest." Lily said, looking at her son with great fondness.

Hunter made a retching noise. "Oh, please. That was caused by a piece of the bloody crib hitting him."

"It's a curse scar!" Andrew said, "And I don't know where you're getting these lies from-" He suddenly stopped talking, as he felt his mouth disappear.

"I said to be silent." Hunter said. "I'll return it at the end of the lesson. Now, sit down." He looked back up at Dumbledore. "Now, it was you that said that Andrew was the 'Boy-Who-Lived', wasn't it?"

Dumbledore nodded.

"What if I told you that you were wrong?" Hunter asked, his tone growing colder.

"I would ask how you knew that I was wrong." Dumbledore calmly replied.

Hunter sneered. "I was there. Were you?" Dumbledore shook his head. "So, young Andrew is hailed as the saviour of the Wizarding World." Hunter looked up at the Potters. "What happened to young Harry?"

James sneered. "He ran away a couple of years later."

"Oh, I know." Hunter replied. "But do you know _why_ he ran away?"

"He couldn't handle Andrew's fame." Lily said, a horrible feeling rising from the pit of her stomach.

"Really." Hunter drawled. "That's strange. From what I understand, young Harry ran away from Potter Mansion because of the blatant favouritism that was shown to his brother, and the fact that several days would pass before you allowed him food."

James stood up, his wand raised. "And where did you get these lies from?"

Hunter gestured with a finger, disarming the older man. Dumbledore's eyes narrowed. A wandless magic user was very rare.

"Did you know how long it took to realise that young Harry was missing from the house?" Hunter asked, the tone now ice cold.

Hermione glared at the two professors, before looking back at Hunter. "If I'd gone missing when I was three or four, I'd have had people out looking for me after about an hour." Others in the crowd nodded, agreeing with the reasonably quick response.

Hunter looked up. "It took them five weeks to realise he was missing. Thirty-seven days before the disappearance was even noticed. And then, what did they do?" He looked around, not waiting for an answer. "They declared him disowned and dead. There was no search made for him."

"Why should we have wasted our time looking for him?" Sirius asked. "He wouldn't have lasted on the streets."

Hunter winced. "Ooh... and the dog shoots and misses." He looked up to see Sirius' face curl into a snarl. "Bad dog! Bad! Do I need to fetch a rolled-up newspaper?" Sirius was about to stand, but found himself in a body-bind before he could leave the chair.

"So... fast-forward again to 1992. Young Andrew Potter, the Hero of the Wizarding World, has come to Hogwarts. And after being led around by the nose, confronts the evil Professor Quirrell over the Philosopher's Stone. After getting knocked out by falling debris," at this, Hunter had to repress a childish snigger, "he wakes up, to be told that he's destroyed Quirrell and saved the stone." He looked up at Dumbledore. "Isn't that right."

Dumbledore nodded slowly. He'd already begun to question several things that had been revealed during this lesson.

"But... if he saved the stone... where is it?" Hunter asked, reaching into one of the pockets on his cloak. "I mean..." He pulled out a small hunk of blood-red rock. "It couldn't be this... could it?"

Dumbledore's eyes widened in shock. He had destroyed the Philosopher's Stone himself, immediately after finding it in Andrew's unconscious hand.

"So... if Andrew saved the Stone... what's this? How could it possibly be in my hand?" He looked down at Hermione. "Miss Granger? As a Ravenclaw student, you're known to be both intelligent and logical. What conclusions do you draw?"

Hermione looked into Hunter's rather dreamy green eyes, and answered slowly. "If Potter was knocked out, and you have the stone, I can draw two conclusions."

"And they are?" Hunter asked.

"That he saved the stone and you took it from him." Hermione answered.

Hunter looked impressed. "A valid point. Not what happened, cause Dumbledore found him almost immediately after Quirrell was killed, but still valid. And your other conclusion?"

"That he had nothing to do with saving the stone, and simply took the credit for it."

Hunter grinned. "By George, I think she's got it." He looked up at Dumbledore. "You didn't even know the stone you destroyed was a fake, did you?" He looked back at Hermione. "Now, let's fast forward again. The Great Andrew Potter's second year of school. The whole Chamber of Secrets debacle."

"He slew a Basilisk!" Lily shouted from the Head Table.

"He saved my life!" Ginny called from the Gryffindor table.

"He fainted." Hunter replied. "But, I know a very simple way of sorting this out. How did you open the Chamber of Secrets? It needs a Parselmouth to open."

Andrew looked around, not being able to answer since his mouth hadn't been returned.

"Of course, it was already open when you and Ron went to the girls bathroom, wasn't it? You jumped down the hole, Ron got caught in the rockslide, you went on, found the door to the inner chamber open, saw Ginny Weasley collapsed on the floor, and fainted. You pussy."

Hunter looked at Ginny Weasley. "_I_ saved your life in the Chamber. I killed the Basilisk. I destroyed the stupid charmed diary you were writing in. I was the one who was bitten by the damned thing."

James soared to his feet again. "And now we have proof of your lies! If you were bitten by a Basilisk, how would you survive?"

Fawkes trilled loudly from the Head table, drawing the attention back to him.

"The tears of two Phoenixes. Fawkes, and my own Phoenix. I survived." He looked around the disbelieving Great Hall. "Well, I can see that I've worn out my welcome here again. Since you don't believe me, I'll go. But, I've got a parting comment for Dumbledore." Hunter turned back to Hermione, and whispered in her ear again. She bit her lip for a moment, then nodded.

Hunter turned back, and strolled calmly to the door. When he got there, he turned back, and looked at the wary Headmaster.

"What is your parting comment, then?" He asked.

Hunter smirked, then let out a long hiss. People recoiled from the sound of Parseltongue. He grinned, then said it again in English. "You... picked... the... wrong... boy..." Hunter ran his hands through his hair, subtly showing Dumbledore his scar, before winking at the old man. He turned to Andrew. "_This_ is a curse scar, not that splinter wound on your tit."

"Harry?" Dumbledore whispered, as he slumped into his chair, aging ten years in an instant. Hunter turned and walked out the door, then vanished.

Lily looked over at Dumbledore. "What does that mean? Albus?"

Dumbledore looked over. "It means... I was wrong."

James scooted his chair closer. "Wrong about what?"

He looked over the Great Hall, seeing everyone's interest in his next statement. "Andrew Potter is not the 'Boy-Who-Lived'. Harry Potter was. Harry is the one prophesised to save the Wizarding World."

"But..." Lily's eyes widened, as they realised what they had done.

"Yes, Lily. It means that all hope is lost." Dumbledore concluded, rubbing his hands over his temples.

"Well... we've got to get him back!" James said. "We'll apologise... I'll... I'll reverse the disownment. When he comes back, we'll get him to forgive us."

Hermione stood up, a look of fury on her normally-calm face. "Why the hell should he? You neglected... no, you _abused_ that child! You think you can just apologise to him, and expect him to come back? You're deluded!"

James stared down at her. "Do not talk about things you cannot understand, Miss Granger!" He barked out.

"I understand plenty. You treated him like shit for two years, ignoring him, starving him. Then, when he decides he's had enough, you simply kick him out of your family, and declare him dead! What kind of human being are you?"

"Now, that is enough-" Lily retorted angrily.

"Miss Granger," Dumbledore interrupted, "I'm sure that James and Lily already feel bad about what has happened-"

Hermione stood, huffing loudly. "They feel bad because they've driven away the _real_ 'Boy-Who-Lived', not because of the shitty way they treated their own son! They're going to lose out on all the fame and prestige! They're sad because that nice, steady stream of fame is coming to an end."

* * *

Harry watched through the small camera he had left behind the main doors, and chuckled. _Damn, that girl's got balls. Brains, too. All wrapped in a very pleasing package indeed._

_§Another human who talks like you do. Oh, joy.§_

"Ovo, do you enjoy being such a cynic?

_§Of course. I rather enjoy taking the hiss out of people.§_

Harry rolled his eyes, wincing at the pun. It was going to be one of those days.


	4. You can't choose your Family? Damnit!

– **CHAPTER THREE –**

_**You can't choose your Family? Damnit!**_

Dumbledore sat in his office, rubbing his eyes tiredly, listening to the debate going on around him.

"Are we sure Andrew isn't the one?" Lily's voice was ringing with hope.

Albus shook his head slowly. "Hunter's, or more properly, Harry's statements do answer a few questions that, in my efforts to foil Voldemort, I had not asked."

"Well, we'll just wait for him to show up again, explain the situation properly, and then get him to forgive us. We'll have both Boys-Who-Lived in our care."

McGonagall looked at James with slight disapproval. "Do you think Harry will forgive you? He was abandoned as a small boy. Does he even know what forgiveness is?"

Dumbledore shook his head, and held out a parchment. "I've been checking with some associates. Hunters have reputations that precede them. This one is called _the_ Hunter. He is called this for a good reason. The Muggle Vatican hires him to locate and destroy vampires, werewolves and other dark creatures. He is remarkably successful at it."

"I was speaking to a friend in Knockturn Alley. The Hunter helped him out last year when some Muggles threw him in to an abandoned silver mine in Prague." Remus shuddered involuntarily. "He got him out and away from the Muggles, gave him a handful of Galleons and got him set up in an old farmhouse in the Cotswolds. Apparently, he's helped out vampires in the same way." He shrugged, looking a little lost. "At least now I know why the scent was familiar." He looked at Sirius. "It's our nephew." Sirius shook his head angrily while Snape was enjoying what was happening to Potter.

"Marvellous. The arrogance of a Potter with the private army of a Dark Lord. How reassuring."

"I'll tell you what's marvellous, Snivellus; shampoo."

"Thank you, Black, for your sparkling wit." Snape turned to Dumbledore, a look of dislike on his face. "What are we going to do with the brat?"

"We need to get him back here as soon as possible so that we can ensure he is prepared to fight Voldemort. Any other course of action is unacceptable. He needs to be under our guidance."

"He has dinner in the Three Broomsticks. We can wait for him to finished and invite him to come back with us. Politely." Sirius' look of innocence fooled no one.

"Be as 'polite' as you need to be, Sirius, to get him back to Grimmauld Place."

* * *

Harry finished a delicious treacle tart, pushing his plate away with a slight sigh of effort. _Man, I'm stuffed. It's good, though._ He stood, and saw the number of people in the bar made it slightly anti-social of him to light up here. He glanced at his watch, realising that he had another half hour before Shari got back from meeting with her father, and Ovophis was busy working her way through a gourmet feast of mouse back in Harry's room at the Leaky Cauldron. Wandering outside, he stretched, raising his arms in the air to work out the kinks. A flare of light caught his attention as a flash of red welcomed him in to oblivion.

* * *

Harry rolled over and groaned. "Christ... what the hell hit me?" He sat up, and recoiled as a wave of dizziness hit him. "Oh... Not good." He looked around the room, to see a depressing bedroom, painted in faded dark green. He reached into his jacket pocket, and pulled out a small wooden box, about the size of a bar of soap. He placed it on the bed, and waved his hand over, causing it to grow in size.

He opened it, and pulled out two small vials of potions. Downing them quickly, he immediately felt better. _Thank God__, Merlin and the tooth fairy for potions!_ He shrunk the box, and placed it back into his jacket. Standing, he headed over to the door.

_Hmm... multiple locking charms, a silencing ward, and an alarm ward._ He smirked. _Could set them off, but that really would negate a stealthy escape._ Bypassing the charms, he opened the door, and cast a disillusionment and silencing charm on himself.

Creeping down the stairs, he heard several voices talking the in the kitchen. _Ah... what the hell. In for a knut, in for a galleon._ He cast notice-me-not charms on the door and himself, and stepped into the kitchen.

* * *

"What do you suggest, then?" James asked angrily. For the last twenty minutes, the Order had been debating what to do with their newly captured saviour.

"We need to get him on our side as quickly as possible." Dumbledore stated calmly. "He is the prophesised saviour. We need him."

"He seems to be just as arrogant as his father!" Snape sneered, glaring at James.

Lily looked up. "But... what can we do? He doesn't care about us..."

"Can you blame him?" Molly asked. "You ignored him for years, favouring Andrew, then just expect him to come calling when you want him."

Dumbledore looked at James. "James, my boy, you will need to go to the Ministry, and reverse your disowning. Since he is a minor, he'll have no choice but to live with you. That will give us an opportunity to gain his trust."

Harry sniggered silently to himself. If that was the best card they could play, they were in for a world of trouble.

"Oh, yes. I'm sure that'll work!" Molly said sarcastically. "Lock him into a house he doesn't want to be in, bribe him with as many gifts as you can afford, and turn him into another version of your spoiled son! That'll work." Molly sat down, huffing softly to herself.

"What do you know about it?" James demanded. "You have no idea how we treat our children!"

"You know," a voice drawled from the back wall, causing most of the Order to draw their wands, "she seems to be right on the money from my point of view." Harry slowly appeared, letting his disillusionment fade slowly. He reached in to his jacket and pulled out a cigar, finishing his ensemble. His cigar, and his trademark stubble, magically enchanted to always remain as five o'clock shadow, made him look older than he was, and gave him a bad-boy air that would have Clint Eastwood in tears trying to emulate.

"How did you get down here?" Moody asked irritably.

"Well, it's the funniest thing." Harry replied. "I was calmly walking, then woke up with a shitty hangover in a crappy bedroom. Imagine my surprise when I find locking charms and wards on the door. If I didn't know better, I'd say I'd been abducted."

Dumbledore smoothly rose to his feet. "You have not been abducted, Mr. Potter. We simply brought you here to talk."

Harry looked up, fury written on his face. "I am not Mr. Potter. In case you forgot, Headmaster, I was disowned from the family. You may refer to me as 'Harry'. Second, throwing seven stunners at somebody's back is not the way you invite someone to a chat." He looked around the room. "Also, whoever cast those charms on the door? Poor work. Barely acceptable by OWL standards."

Moody looked annoyed. He'd cast those charms.

Harry carried on. "Also, I am fully emancipated, since I do not have a family name. No-one was willing to take me in, so I was left on my own."

Dumbledore started to look for loop-holes. "Since your father will be reversing his disowning, you will be a Potter again. Don't you want to have a family?" The tone was that of the wise old grandfather.

Harry sneered, an expression Snape would be proud of. "Why?"

Lily looked sad. "Well... a family provides support and care when it's needed." The look on Harry's face convinced her that wasn't the right thing to say.

"Really? Where was that attitude when I was growing up? Do you remember my fourth birthday, Mrs. Potter?"

Lily looked confused by the question, and hurt by being referred to as 'Mrs. Potter' instead of 'Mum'. She shook her head.

"I do. I came downstairs for breakfast, which I had to make my own while the 'Boy-Who-Lived' was fed a virtual banquet of breakfast delights. There was a pile of presents on the table that would've made Edmond Hilary get a semi and reach for his crampons. A huge pile. How many of them were for me?"

Lily lowered her head, shame causing hot tears to fill her eyes, while James just looked angry.

"Anybody? No? Then I'll tell you. There wasn't one for me. Instead, Andrew started crying, complaining how I was intruding on _his_ birthday. I got one hell of a spanking, and sent up to my room for the rest of the day. No food. No card. No present." He delivered his parting shot with a rush of glee. "No love." He shook his head. "No, I have no need for a family. They only hurt."

Several of the female Order members had tears in their eyes.

Dumbledore tried another tactic. "What about schooling, Mr. Potter? You need an education to survive in the Wizarding world."

Harry looked at Dumbledore with disgust. "And what makes you think I have any interest in the Wizarding world? And I've told you already, do not call me Mr. Potter. That is not my name."

McGonagall looked up. "But... you have to stay in the Wizarding world! Without-"

"_Have_ to, Madam?" Harry interrupted. "I don't _have_ to do dick. I go where I choose, when I choose, and with whom I choose. And let's be honest; the Wizarding world hasn't exactly made a good impression on me."

"But... we're trying to make that right!" James said. "We're trying to make a good impression!"

"You're trying to buy me!" Harry retorted angrily. "You think that by buying me little presents, you can get the real 'Boy-Who-Lived' on your side. Well, newsflash, Mr. Potter; I don't need your money, or your little guilt gifts. I have more than enough to last me on my own."

Dumbledore thought quickly. "You will need to attend Hogwarts school, Mr. Potter. Your name has been down since you were born, and it's a binding magical contract. There is no way to void it."

Harry laughed. "Since I didn't enter into that contract, I'd love to see you try to enforce it."

"It was made by your parents. At that time, you were still a minor, and are obligated to fulfil the contract." _Ha! I've got you now._ Dumbledore thought smugly to himself.

Harry sighed, a sound of resignation. "Fine. Let's talk salary."

Snape laughed mockingly. "Students don't receive a salary, you arrogant child. Honestly, just like your father-" Snape was cut off, as his mouth vanished from his face.

"Silence your dog, Headmaster." Harry replied, glaring at Snape. "And why the hell would I be going to your school as a student?"

"You will need to attend for your OWLs, at the very least." Flitwick said. "And, given who your mother is, I think you'll be rather good at it."

Harry looked thoughtful. "So... you'd expect me to attend a school that I've missed the first four years of, and expect me to take OWLs, after just a year of instruction? Why the hell would I agree to that?"

"You don't have a choice, kid." James replied, thankful that the situation was coming back under control.

"Wrong again, Mr. Potter." Harry replied. "I've already taken my OWLs. I don't need to attend Hogwarts."

Dumbledore looked up. "That's not possible. We've received no word from the Ministry."

"Why would they send word to _you_? It's not information that you need to know. I am not, have never been, and will never be a student of your school."

"Well... if you've managed to pass your OWLs, then you'll be able to skip to the sixth year, and begin your NEWT studies." Dumbledore replied, starting to panic again.

"I already have my NEWTs, Old Man." Harry said. "My education is far beyond your provincial little school." He looked around, and smiled. "So, now that everything's been cleared up, I'll be going." He stood, and started for the door.

"Stop!" Dumbledore commanded. "Everything has not been 'cleared up'. You will be attending Hogwarts, Mr. Potter. If I have to go to the Ministry, you will be doing as you're told."

Harry smiled, and flipped the old man off. "No, I won't. I looked over the disowning that was passed. It stated quite clearly that the decision couldn't be reversed. I have forever been removed from the House of Potter. I have been declared a legal adult. I have surpassed the education that your school provides." He looked around the flabbergasted Order. "Why don't we just get to the heart of the matter? You want me under your control because of the bloody prophecy that Trelawney made."

"You are the Chosen One." Dumbledore replied firmly. "You will need training, training that only the Order of the Phoenix can provide to you."

"I have several issues with that." Harry replied, equally firm. "You guys couldn't teach me anything worth knowing. Second, you all seem to assume that I'm a Light-side wizard and want to destroy Voldemort."

"Aren't you?" Tonks asked.

"No." Harry replied simply.

"But... you didn't feel pain from Fawkes. He has accepted you. And you said you have your own Phoenix. They are creatures of the Light. You can't be a Dark wizard."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Of course I'm not a Dark wizard. But, I'm not a Light wizard either."

"Then what are you, son?" Lily asked softly.

"If you wish to make it to the end of the day, you will never call me that again, woman!" Harry snapped angrily. "You lost all rights to parenthood the day I died."

"You haven't died." McGonagall said, thinking that the boy was crazy.

"Oh, I did. I died on Halloween in 1981. Not death of the body. Everything that was 'Potter' in me died that day. All that's left is Hunter. Do not presume to make that mistake again." He looked around angrily. "I have no wish to continue this conversation. I'm leaving now."

He turned and strode to the door, ignoring the cries from Lily Potter, and the several stunners that ricocheted off his shield.

He opened the door, and vanished into the darkness.

"Well... that didn't go so well." Dumbledore muttered. He looked around the room. "Why is it every conversation we have with him involves him walking out after making a scene?"

* * *

Harry was halfway down the street when he saw a black cat barrelling toward him, with a snake wrapped round its neck in a reptilian parody of a collar. Seeing Harry walking unaided, the cat slowed.

Meow.

"Really? An escape plan?"

_§Oh yes. It was very exciting.§_

"I'm sure." Harry gestured towards a darkened alley, and ambled down it, and the cover from prying eyes it offered.

Meow.

_§I am doing.§_ Ovo huffed, and slowly loosened herself.

Shari suddenly grew from her cat form into her beautiful visage, moonlight enhancing her features to astonishing magnificence. The effect was somewhat negated by Ovophis tilting her head back, so that Shari could plant a kiss on her small head. "Thank you, if we'd gone with our plan, Harry would've been so very impressed."

Harry stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her, thanking her without words. Ovo curled herself around both necks, enjoying Harry's warmth compared to Shari's room temperature.

A mugger, seeing two distracting teens cuddling in a dark alley, crept towards them, a knife glinting in the low light. Suddenly, a malevolent hissing advertised the fact that _there was a snake around their necks!_ The girl, hearing the hiss, turned towards him, fangs deathly white in the light. The mugger felt a wet spot suddenly appear and trickle down his leg, before dropping his knife and running for his life.

"Damn, now that's what I call fast food."

"Shari..."

"Oh, all right, Harry. But next time we find a criminal organisation that delivers, we're keeping him, okay?"

"Fine. Now, I'm going to go back to the Cauldron." Ovo finished wrapping herself round Harry's neck. "Hey, not too tight; I still need to breathe." He looked at Shari. "You coming with me?"

"Nope, I've got to go and grab someone... I mean, some_thing_ to eat, and then probably go for a lurk. I haven't had a good lurk in ages." Shari smiled, as Harry was one of the few wizards who understand the art and poise of a successful lurk, and how they took work to perfect.

"G'night, then. I wonder what joys tomorrow will bring."


	5. Tomorrow, Tomorrow, I love you, tomorrow

– **CHAPTER FOUR –**

_**Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love you, Tomorrow! Now, Leave Me Alone!**_

A loud banging on the door woke Harry up. He groaned, and rolled over, pulling a pillow over his head. The banging continued. He sat up. "If this isn't an insanely beautiful woman, I'm going to be very annoyed!"

He got out of the bed, and staggered over to the door. Opening it, he felt his lip curl in disgust. Standing before him was the Minister for Magic, Cornelius Fudge, Headmaster Dumbledore and his biological father, James Potter. He sighed, and slammed the door.

"How dare you!" Fudge shouted through the door. "I am the Minister of Magic for Great Britain! Open this door immediately!"

Harry sighed, and shouted back. "I don't care. You're not an insanely beautiful woman. You're not even cute. Or a woman. You've woken me up at 7 o'clock in the fucking morning! On a _Sunday_! You'd better have a damned good reason for doing this!" He paused for a moment. "Actually, I don't care. Sod off. I have nothing I want to talk to any of you about."

"Open this door immediately!" James shouted. "I am your father and you will do what I say!"

Harry trudged over to the door, and opened it, holding his dagger out. "Newsflash, Potter. I'm disowned, which means you aren't my father. Second, there is nothing I want to speak to you about." He gave them all a condescending look. "This is the part where you all apologise, and fuck off." He slammed the door, and cast a locking charm.

"We need to speak to you, Mr. Potter." Dumbledore called through the door. "There are things we simply must discuss."

"No, there aren't." Harry shouted back. "I told you, there is nothing I wish to discuss with any of you." He trudged back to his bed, and climbed back in.

"You will not ignore me!" Fudge shouted. "I am the Minister for Magic and you will obey me!"

Harry growled, and pushed himself out of the bed. He tore the door open. "I don't give a shit if you're the fucking Queen of England! I don't want to speak to you. Now, bugger off!"

Fudge looked both insulted and smug. "Now, we have things to discuss with you, Mr. Potter. You will get dressed and accompany me back to the Ministry."

Harry smirked. "No, I won't. I will be going straight back to bed as soon as you all leave me alone. I will not be going anywhere with you, Fudge. We have nothing to discuss."

Fudge started huffing, but Harry cut him off. "Since you don't appear to be willing to leave me alone, I will allow you to buy me lunch. I will be downstairs at noon. We can have that conversation then. Now, piss off!" Harry slammed the door shut, and recast the locking charm, throwing a silencing in for good measure.

"You can't dictate terms to me! I'm the Minister for Magic!"

Dumbledore placed his hand gently on Fudge's arm. "This seems to be the best that we'll get, Cornelius. We'll get him to come with us after lunch."

* * *

Harry rolled over, and jabbed his finger on the alarm clock, glaring at it for it's rude interruption. _Why the hell am I doing this?_ He asked himself. _It's not as though they're going to listen to me._ He struggled through a shower, and got dressed, making sure his armour and weapons were firmly in place.

At the stroke of noon, he opened the door, stepping over the doormat that Dumbledore had turned in to a portkey. _That's a sly, and rather shit trick, old man._

He headed to the dining room, and slumped at a table. He looked over at the bartender. "Tom, I'll have the chicken, veggies, treacle tart, and whatever lager you have. Charged to Fudge when he gets here."

Tom nodded, and started to prepare to food, looking at his assistant. "What's lager?"

"Muggle drink. I can go and get some from the Rose and Crown."

"Do so. And since he's charging it to Fudge, get us each one as well. I've always believed we should experience everything the Muggles have to offer."

* * *

In the Ministry atrium, three men looked around, waiting for the arrival of Harry. "Where the hell is he?" James demanded. "He said he'd be out at noon. Why isn't he here?"

Dumbledore looked pensive. "It's possible he discovered the Portkey, and avoided it." He sighed. It would have made things so much easier. "I would guess he's still at the Leaky Cauldron." He looked at Fudge. "We should make our way there, just in case."

Fudge looked deeply offended. "Fine."

* * *

"Here you are, sir. Roast chicken, potatoes and our three vegetable medley. I got this lager for you, since it's named after the wife."

Harry took a sip of his drink, and smiled. "Your wife is named Artois? Weird." He saw Tom look confused. "The drink's name is Stella Artois. I was making a, very poor, as it turns out, joke."

"Ah. I hope you don't mind, but since the Minister is paying for this, we picked up a couple of extras."

"Make sure that, when he gets his bill, the drinks are reassuringly expensive." Harry laughed, convinced that nobody in the pub would get the joke. "If you head out in to Muggle London, take a left about 300 metres down the road, there's a shop called Threshers. It's an off-licence, which means it sells alcoholic drinks. Pick up some of these drinks, in the bottles, not the cans, and you'll find them quite popular in here."

At ten minutes past midday, three men entered the Leaky Cauldron, and headed straight for Harry. "Why are you here, Mr. Potter?" Fudge demanded arrogantly. "You should be at the Ministry by now."

Harry swallowed his food, and took a swig of his beer. "I said that I'd meet you here, Fudge. Now that you're here, sit down, and let me finish my lunch."

Fudge scowled. "We don't have time for this! I do have other things to do today, you know!"

Harry smirked. "Then, by all means, don't let me keep you." He started to eat again.

Fudge drew his wand. "That's it. I've had enough of your disrespect, boy. You will come with us now. We will declare your emancipation void, and you will go and live with your family."

"No." Harry replied, ignoring the wand pointed directly at him. "I'm having lunch. You're picking up the tab, by the way. Then, I have a visit to Gringotts I simply have to make. After that, I thought I'd do a bit of shopping."

"No." James said simply. "You'll be coming home with me as soon as we've been to the Ministry. Now, get moving, boy."

Harry ignored him, and carried on with his meal.

"Mr. Potter, if you don't come with us now, I'll have you arrested." Fudge said, making sure his wand was ready to throw a curse at the first sign of trouble.

Harry stopped, and gently lowered his cutlery. "That was a mistake, Fudge." He whispered, twitching his finger slightly. All three men's wands were ripped away from them, landing neatly in Harry's outstretched hand. "I have done nothing to you to warrant such treatment." He said quietly. "Threatening to arrest someone because they're not doing what you want them to do is against the law. Misuse of power." He stared into Fudge's scared eyes. "You will regret this."

He picked Fudge's wand out of the pile, and snapped it. He picked James' wand, and snapped that in front of his face. Dumbledore saw what was happening, and reached out for his own wand.

"No!" He shouted.

"Oh, don't worry." Harry replied. "I wouldn't destroy the Elder Wand. But, you should be careful, old man. If my hand were to... slip... you would have problems."

Dumbledore held out his hand. "Return my wand, Mr. Potter. Immediately!"

Harry flexed his hand, causing the wand to vanish. "I'll return it later. Now, I believe, since you've been harassing me for what feels like forever, that there is something you want from me. If you sit down, we'll discuss it."

Fudge sputtered. "You've just destroyed my wand, boy. I'll have you arrested!"

Harry snorted. "Sit down or get out. You were threatening me. When I take this to the Wizengamot, and believe me, I will be doing that, you'll be out on your arse."

Harry picked up his cutlery, and started to eat again, ignoring the three men.

Dumbledore gestured to both men to sit down, and sank into a chair. "Now, Mr. Potter, as I have said to you previously, there are things we need to discuss. Returning you to your parents' house, enrolling you in Hogwarts, and arranging for additional training. These are all serious issues that we need to talk about. What should we start with?"

Harry leaned back, and chewed thoughtfully. "How about we start with... stop calling me Mr. Potter. I was disowned by the wanker sitting to your left. I have not been a Potter for ten years. Call me that again, and I will simply ignore you." He glared at James. "Second, I was disowned. A permanent disownment. That means I cannot become a Potter again. Ever. Which means that Potter Mansion would not accept me."

He glared at Dumbledore. "I know that I've already told you this; I have already completed my OWLs and my NEWTs. Therefore, I have no reason to attend your school. And I have no need for your additional training, either."

He looked at Fudge. "And why would I need to go to the Ministry?"

Fudge glared at him. "Reversing your emancipation. You are not yet of age, Mr. Potter, and as a minor, will need to return to your parents."

Harry ignored him, and looked at Dumbledore. "I don't see anything else to discuss here, Headmaster. I've answered all of your points with relevant points of my own. However, I do feel the need to warn you that I will be pressing charges against you for kidnapping."

"I will not be ignored!" Fudge blustered, standing up angrily. "I am the Minister for Magic, and you will obey me."

Harry stood up and held out the Elder Wand. "Our business is concluded, gentlemen. Now, I must get to the bank."

James stood up, and threw a punch. "You little bastard! You're coming with me!"

Harry took a step back, letting the older man's swing throw him off-balance. "I'm not." He turned, and headed for the back door.

Dumbledore sighed, and threw a stunner at Harry's back. Harry spun, and caught the curse in his hand. The curse suddenly solidified in to a shiny red apple, which Harry took a bite of, before dropping the apple of a table. "That was very rude. Another piece of evidence for kidnapping. I'll give you one warning, old man, before I fight back. Leave. Me. Alone."

Harry strode out of the back door, and strode the length of Diagon Alley.

* * *

Fudge stared at Dumbledore. "I'll get some Aurors. He will pay for this!"

Dumbledore rolled his eyes. "Cornelius, you were threatening him. You were going to abuse your power. We have no recourse. We will have to take him by force. I'll summon as many members of the Order as possible. You will need to get all of the Aurors on duty." Dumbledore's eyes glazed over. "We need him, and we need him to obey our orders. It's the only way to defeat Voldemort."

Just as Fudge was about to leave, he was handed a bill for the meal he had disturbed. He tore the bill up and stormed out, intent on finding an Auror.

Tom, looking quite pleased, looked at the woman standing next to him. "Not a huge deal, Rita, but our Minister for Magic has just left without paying his bill. Is this where our taxes are going?"

* * *

Harry left the bank, 30,000 galleons lighter. His latest payment for staking several vampires had been safely deposited with the Goblins. When he left the bank, he rolled his eyes and groaned. In front of him were at least twenty Aurors, all with wands raised.

He looked up at the sky. "Which god did I piss off lately?" He shook his head, and looked at the Aurors. "What seems to be the problem, Officer?" He asked politely.

"I am Senior Auror Kingsley Shacklebolt. By the order of the Minister of Magic of Great Britain, you are to come with us." The lead Auror commanded, a tall, imposing black man with a shaved head.

"On what charge?" Harry asked, slowly looking around.

"That is not our business, sir." The Auror replied respectfully. "We've been ordered to bring you in." He held out a pair of anti-apparition manacles. "Will you come quietly?"

"No." Harry replied. "You've not given me a reason to. Your Minister is a small man who's trying to control me. I won't have it." He gave the Auror a hopeful look. "You should really go about your other duties, Auror. Otherwise... well... I'll have to resist arrest."

Shacklebolt smiled grimly. "I'm sorry, sir. Really. Are you sure there's no other way we can do this?"

Harry shook his head slowly. "I'm afraid not. You might want to get some back-up, though. You seem to be outnumbered by..." He stopped as he did a quick headcount. "22 to 1. You might need some help." He raised his gauntlets. "Battle mode."

Shacklebolt lowered the cuffs, and nodded slightly. This was all the warning Harry had as the Aurors opened fire with a range of stunning and blocking curses. The first volley hit Harry's shield, which miraculously held. He charged forward, aiming a punch at the nearest Auror. The banishing charms in his gauntlet threw the man back thirty feet, into the window of the Magical Menagerie.

The next Auror, a young lady with shocking pink hair, was thrust back, losing consciousness as she hit the ground.

Shacklebolt decided to up the ante, throwing several blasting curses at Harry, who raised his gauntlets, catching the curses, and throwing them back. Shacklebolt was forced to roll to the side, to avoid the new holes in the pavement.

While Shacklebolt was admiring the new addition to Diagon Alley's footpaths, Harry had taken out another three Aurors. The rest were regrouping, giving a momentary lapse in the fight. Harry looked imploringly at Shacklebolt. "Don't do this, Auror." He asked. "I don't want to hurt anyone. I just want to get on with my business."

Shacklebolt looked at the entrance to the Leaky Cauldron, seeing Fudge standing there. "I have my orders, sir." He replied respectfully.

Harry sighed, and followed Shacklebolt's gaze. "Fudge, stop this now!" He shouted. "If you want to arrest me, tell these Aurors why! Tell _me_ what you're charging me with!"

Fudge stood there, surrounded by four Aurors, Dumbledore and James Potter. "You're under arrest!" He shouted back, his voice trembling.

"On what charge, you coward!" Harry shouted back.

"Being a Dark Wizard!" Fudge shouted back. "And breaking my wand!"

"Neither of those is a criminal offence, Fudge! And I'm not a Dark Wizard." Harry spun round, to find an Auror taking aim at his back. "Try it. You'll be unconscious before the curse leaves your wand!"

Robards lowered his wand, and sidled away, heading towards Shacklebolt. Harry followed him with his eyes, looking at the tall Auror.

"Auror, you've heard the 'charges' against me. Neither of them is a reason to have me arrested." Harry looked at him, pleading in his eyes. "I don't want a fight."

Shacklebolt raised his wand, sighing. "I'm sorry."

Harry shook his head. "So am I." He raised his gauntlets again. "Flight mode." He ran forward a few steps, and jumped. Kingsley aimed his wand where he thought Harry would land, and was astonished to see him soaring away, faster than any broom could follow.

* * *

Harry landed a mile away, the flight charms on his armour limited in duration and speed. He looked around, and quickly cast a disillusionment charm on himself.

Looking around, he saw a red telephone box, the public entrance to the Ministry of Magic. _I really couldn't have planned this better!_ He thought gleefully. He entered the box, and dialled 6-2-4-4-2.

"Please identify yourself and your reason for entering the Ministry of Magic." A soft feminine voice stated.

"Harry. I have a legal complaint to make."

A small silver badge fell into the coin return slot. He picked it up, laughing at the 'Harry - Complainer' legend, and pinned it onto his shirt. The doorway opened into a large atrium, with a statue and water fountain. Looking up, he could see a large hanging drapery, showing Cornelius Fudge looking regal and proud. He fought the urge to roll his eyes, and went to the security desk.

"Wand." The bored guard asked, looking up.

"I don't have a wand." Harry replied. "I'm here to see the Head of Magical Law Enforcement. It's a matter of urgency."

The guard nodded absently. "It's always urgent. Who shall I say is calling?"

Harry sighed. Time to use that hated name again. "Harry James Potter."

The guard's head snapped up. "There's a warrant for your arrest, boy." He said, raising his wand.

Harry snapped his fingers, disarming the man. "I'm sure there is. That's why I'm here to see the Head of MLE. Now."

Harry stared at the man, who looked away, and pulled out a small map. "She's on the fourth floor. Amelia Bones is the name."

Harry took the map, and left, before the guard could retrieve his wand. _Christ, they're all so dependant on their wands, it's a wonder anything gets done in this bloody country._

* * *

The lift let him out on the fourth floor with ease. Harry looked at the map, and followed the simple directions until he came to the Auror office. Inside, several young men and woman were quickly gathering equipment, and heading for the door.

Feeling cheeky, Harry stood to the side of the doorway. "You seem to be in a rush. What's going on?"

A young man rushed past, shouting over his shoulder. "We've got orders to arrest Harry Potter! He's in Diagon Alley right now!"

Harry nodded sagely. "I hear he's quite dangerous. You should be careful."

The Auror shouted his thanks, as he rushed to the lift.

A trainee looked up from her desk, upset at being left out of the action. She saw Harry standing there, and her jaw fell open. Harry winked, and headed for Madam Bones' office. She nodded, and grinned at the handsome young man.

* * *

Amelia Bones read through the brief report that had been filed from Kingsley. It stated that the suspect had fled the scene, using some kind of concealed broomstick, and they were arranging pursuit.

The sound of someone clearing their throat in the chair opposite her made her draw her wand, and point it at the intruder.

"Whoa!" He said, raising his hands. "Quick draw there, Director."

"Who are you, and what are you doing in my office?" Amelia demanded, keeping the wand pointed at the young man.

"Well, I'm here to make a complaint. Normally, I'd be happy with one of your Aurors, but since they're on their way to Diagon Alley to arrest me, it seems... pointless."

"You're Harry Potter." Amelia said, instantly piecing together the puzzle.

"Sorta." Harry replied. "I don't go by 'Potter', since I was disowned when I was four. I'm just Harry."

"You're under arrest!" Amelia said, reaching in her draw for some cuffs, while keeping her wand and eyes directly on Harry.

"On what charge, Director?" Harry asked, keeping his hands raised. "So far, no-one's actually been able to tell me why I'm under arrest."

Amelia stopped. "What?"

"That's part of the reason I'm here. I wish to make a complaint against Cornelius Fudge, Albus Dumbledore and James Potter."

Amelia was stunned. They were probably the three most prominent citizens in magical Britain. Harry leaned back in his chair. "May I lower my hands? I assure you, I'm not armed."

Nodding, Amelia slowly lowered her wand. "Tell me everything."

Harry nodded, and complied with her instructions.

* * *

"So... let me just clarify this; you were disowned at the age of four, have been declared an emancipated minor by both the Goblins, and nine foreign Ministries. You are also the subject of a prophecy regarding Voldemort. As such, Dumbledore's trying to gain control of you, and force you to attend Hogwarts."

"Yep." Harry replied. He had been hiding ever since the Aurors had returned from the field almost an hour ago.

"Also, Dumbledore's got Fudge to order your arrest, so that you can be paroled to him."

"Yep."

"Your father-" Bones sensed Harry was about to interrupt, "My apologies, your genetic forbearer, wants to gain control of you, even though he signed the disowning document that permanently excludes you from the Potter family."

"Yep."

"So... you were also stunned by Dumbledore, and taken to the Headquarters of his Bird-Watching club," Harry sniggered, "woke up, and escaped."

"Yes."

"And you want to press charges."

"Ye... I'm not sure." Harry replied, thinking carefully. "If I fail to comply with his wishes, then he'll just keep coming. He's an interfering old bastard; he seems to think that it's his job to fight the war against Voldemort."

Bones nodded. "I see. Well... we could arrange to put you in as an undercover operative. Gather evidence against them for a full trial."

Harry thought for a moment. "I don't relish the idea of going to Hogwarts, Director. I've already passed my OWLs, NEWTs and several masteries. Christ, I could be teaching there."

Bones' eyebrow shot up. "You have masteries? In which subjects?"

Harry nodded. "I hold a Mastery in Potions, Charms, Transfiguration and Defence." He shook his head. "I refuse to call it Defence Against the Dark Arts, since there ain't no such thing, but that's a discussion for another time."

Amelia nodded slowly, in awe of the young man in front of her. "How did you manage to gain four Masteries? It takes years..."

"I know." Harry replied. "But, since I wasn't stuck in a pathetic school environment, I managed my studies more efficiently. My results should be on file with the Department of Education."

"I'll have those checked." Amelia said. "That alone will prevent them from taking you to Hogwarts as a student."

"That, plus I'll just refuse to pay the tuition fees." Harry said, grinning at her.

The loudspeaker on Bones' desk chirped up. Amelia scowled at it, and pressed a button. "Yes?" She asked, snapping at the other speaker.

"Minister Fudge is on his way to see you, ma'am." The terrified young receptionist replied. "He's not in a good mood, ma'am."

Bones nodded. "Thank you, Sofia." She jabbed the speaker, and looked up at Harry. "Do you have an invisibility cloak?"

Harry shook his head. "No, but I can cast pretty good disillusionment charms. I'll hide in the corner. Something tells me this meeting is about me." He grinned. "I'm curious as to what crimes he'll make up to have me arrested."

Without speaking, he faded from sight. Bones sighed wistfully. If only her Aurors could be that good.

* * *

Fudge stalked into the office without knocking, and threw himself into the chair opposite Madam Bones. "Amelia, any further news on capturing Harry Potter?" He asked testily.

She shook her head. "I've not heard anything, Minister. I don't even have the charge sheet for him. What's he done?"

Fudge scowled at her. "In the last hour alone, he's attacked several prominent citizens. He needs to be contained."

Bones leaned back in her chair, looking at Fudge thoughtfully. "Who has he attacked, Minister?"

"Myself!" Fudge said. "He also attacked James Potter, and Albus Dumbledore. He needs to be arrested, and taken off the streets!"

"Why did he attack you, Minister? Surely, there must be a reason." Amelia tapped her desk thoughtfully.

"I don't know, Amelia. One minute, I was talking to Dumbledore, the next he came in, waving his wand wildly and throwing curses at us. We barely escaped."

"I see." Bones suddenly leaned forward. "Are you sure it's not because you were trying to abduct him, Minister? You see, I've recently had a conversation with young Harry, and he's told me a quite different story. About how you're trying to force him to go to Hogwarts, declare his emancipation void, and force him to live with the Potters. Tell me I'm wrong, Cornelius, or I swear I'll have you up on charges before the day is out!"

In the corner, Harry was rocking himself with silent laughter. _Damn, she's good. _He moved from his spot, and carefully sneaked behind Bones' desk.

Fudge looked indignant. "How dare you! I'm the Minister of Magic! What I say is law! I want Harry Potter arrested immediately and paroled to Albus Dumbledore and Hogwarts school. If not, then I'll have no choice but to have you arrested for treason, Amelia! Do not push me on this!"

Bones leaned back in her chair, not cowed by Fudge at all. "Very well, Minister. I'll have an arrest sheet drawn up for Harry _Potter_ immediately." She started slightly as she felt some hands placed on her shoulders, massaging her gently but firmly. She felt gentle thumbs rubbing her neck, and she tingled. "Do not presume to threaten me, sir, or I'll have you before the Wizengamot for charges of corruption and abuse of power!" She pointed at the door. "Now, leave, sir, before I change my mind!"

Fudge was out of his chair and out of the door like a shot. Harry let the disillusionment fade, then grinned at her, still rubbing her shoulders. "I love the way you got around that, Madam Bones."

She grinned back. "I thought it was pretty clever, myself. Since Harry _Potter_ doesn't exist, it's a pretty easy thing to arrange."

He blew her a kiss. "I think I love you, Madam." He winked cheekily at her. "You're a woman after my own heart."

Amelia blushed prettily. "Get out, you little scamp! If anyone does try to pursue, call me immediately." She smacked her forehead. "Damn Wizarding world... do you know anything about mobile telephones?"

Harry pulled his from his cloak pocket. "Yep." He grabbed a slip of parchment, and wrote his number on it. She did the same, and passed it to him. He tapped the number into his phone, and set it up in the speed dial.

"Oh... do me a favour, would ya? A tall, bald Auror, I think his name was 'Shack' or something. Apologise to him for me, would ya?"

Amelia nodded. "Not a problem, Harry. Anything else the MLE can do for you?" He grinned at her, winking slyly. "Not that. Little pervert."

He pouted at her. "Not that little, Madam. Not that little at all." She looked at him with undisguised lust in her eyes for a moment, then shook her head as she realised she was lusting after a 15 year old boy. "I should probably go, now, Madam. It's been a pleasure." Harry stood, and walked away.

* * *

He stepped out of the Ministry building, and took a breath of fresh air. Since Madam Bones was going to take care of his legal situation, he could walk the streets with impunity.

At least, that was the last thought as 50,000 volts of electricity robbed his of consciousness.


	6. Good Morning, Harry This Is Your Wake U

– **CHAPTER FIVE –**

_**Good Morning, Harry! This is your Wake-Up Call!**_

He woke up, to find himself strapped to a bed, in a cold, stone room. Closing his eyes in frustration, he knew what had happened. Dumbledore had somehow knocked him out, _again_, and brought him back to Hogwarts.

With a snarl, he focussed his magic, snapping through the restraints like a hot knife through butter. Fortunately, his armour was spelled so that only he could remove it, meaning his weapons and equipment was still intact and available. He stood, and stretched out. Several joints popped, as he readied himself for battle.

Striding over to the door, he let a _Reducto_ curse turn it to kindling, before knocking out the two guards with his enhanced gauntlets.

Taking a quick look around, he saw that he was several flights up, with a clear view of the entrance hall below him.

"Flight mode." He snarled, and threw himself off the balcony.

Lupin woke up, to see his surrogate nephew throw himself off a seven-storey balcony. "No!" He shouted, and rushed forward. Looking over the handrail, he saw the young man slam into the ground, holding himself on one knee, before standing, and stalking towards the door to the Great Hall.

Remus looked at the floor where Harry had landed, to see a number of cracks in the ancient stone.

"Be careful, Albus." He whispered to himself. "That kid's pissed."

* * *

"Dumbledore!" Harry bellowed, the _Sonorous_ charm loudening his voice. "Where are you, you son of a bitch?" He released two more _Reducto_ charms, destroying the thousand year old doors to the Great Hall.

Dumbledore stood up, drawing his wand. "What do you think you are doing?" He shouted back, incredulous at the damage the young man had caused.

"What do _I_ think I'm doing?" Harry shouted back, now totally enraged. "What the bloody hell do you think _you_ are doing? I told you I'm not coming here. Using a fucking Taser to stun me and bring me here? Against my will? You'd better have a damned good reason before I get annoyed."

Dumbledore lowered his wand. "I told you that you would be attending Hogwarts." He gestured to the small stool on the stage. "Now, if you'll place the Sorting Hat on your head, we'll get you assigned to a House, and you can join us for lunch."

Harry crossed his arms over his chest, and reached into his cloak. "You truly are delusional, aren't you?"

McGonagall stood, a scowl on her face. Harry ignored her.

"I've already told you that I'm not going to attend this school. I have no need of it. I told you this already. Why have you brought me here?"

Dumbledore gestured at the hat. "All students of Hogwarts need to be sorted, Mr. Potter. If you have something to discuss with me in my role as Headmaster, we'll be able to do it after the Sorting."

Harry stared at the old man, not moving.

"Mr. Potter, you are interrupting lunch for the students. Please, do as you are told." Dumbledore raised his wand, and cast an invisible compulsion charm at Harry.

The charm crashed into his Occlumency shields, before being rebuffed. He shook his head. "You're not listening to me, Dumbledore. I have no intention of complying with your demands, since they do not apply to me."

Behind him, James raised his new wand, and prepared to fire a curse. Harry spun round, drawing a large pistol from his cloak, and fired off a single round. The bullet neatly cut through the wand, before impacting on the stone behind.

Dumbledore stood, raising his wand. "Weapons are illegal in this school, Mr. Potter. Please hand it over to Professor Potter before somebody is injured."

Harry spun around, glaring at Dumbledore. "Are you deaf? Or merely stupid?"

"I am neither, Mr. Potter. You will give the weapon to Professor Potter, and you will then sit on the stool and be Sorted."

Harry laughed. "No, I will not give up my gun. No, I will not be sorted. No, I am not staying. This is the second time you have kidnapped me, old man. You're lucky I haven't decided to simply kill you now."

Dumbledore sat down, a sigh on his lips. "Mr. Potter, I have already explained to you why you are here. Now, give up your weapon, and we can get on with the Sorting."

"You really are stupid, aren't you." Harry put the weapon back into his cloak, and drew out his mobile.

"Your little device won't work here, Potter." Snape snapped from behind him. Harry flipped him off, and used the speed-dial.

"Madam Bones? Yes, this is Harry." He laughed. "Yes, that one. I've been kidnapped, and I'm being held at Hogwarts."

James rushed forward to grab the cell-phone. Harry kicked him in his stomach, banishing him into the stone wall.

"Yes, I have explained that I shouldn't be here."

Snape fired a stunning curse, that Harry ducked, before throwing his own stunner back, knocking the greasy professor out cold.

"Yes, as soon as possible would be good." Harry ducked another stunner, this time coming from the now-permanently opened doorway. "Hang on a moment, please."

Harry back flipped over another curse, and kicked Lupin in the jaw, the banishing charm rendering him unconscious before he hit the floor.

"Sorry about that. I'm being attacked." He listened for a moment. "Fifteen minutes." Harry looked around, to see at least a dozen Order members starting to get into place. "Yep, I can hold out that long." He flipped the phone closed, and placed it back in his cloak.

He looked up at Dumbledore. "Last chance, old man. If one more person attacks me, I'll take the kid gloves off, and start dealing some _real_ damage." Harry reached into his cloak, and drew the pistol again.

Dumbledore looked furious. "You will do as you are told, Mr. Potter. Stand down, or I will have you arrested."

"Bring it on." Harry replied simply.

Dumbledore sighed, and gestured to Elphias Doge. All the Order raised their wands to fire stunning curses. Harry spun round, dropping to one knee, firing the pistol. A staccato thunder roared through the air, and less than a second later, all twelve Order members were on the ground, each clutching a thigh, where a new hole now resided. Harry stood, and aimed the pistol at Dumbledore. "Why are you doing this?"

Dumbledore stood, and strode towards Harry. "Give me that weapon. You will do as you are told, Mr. Potter."

"No, I won't. I am not Mr. Potter. Are you so fucking senile that you can't remember anything I tell you? I am emancipated. I have passed my exams. I was disowned. You cannot change any of these things."

Dumbledore smiled in that annoying grandfatherly way. "I can. Because of my authority as the Supreme Mugwump of the Wizengamot, I have declared your emancipation void. Minister Fudge has voided your disownment. We have already decided which courses you will be attending here at Hogwarts. There was no record of any exams being taken."

Harry nodded thoughtfully. "Hmm... seems like you've covered all the bases, then." He looked at Dumbledore's smug face. "However, you can't declare my emancipation void, 'cause it was done in America. And also in Japan. And in Spain. France. Germany. Switzerland. Mexico. Iceland. And... hang on... I'm forgetting one... oh, yeah! Bulgaria." He struggled not to laugh at Dumbledore's crestfallen expression. "Also, the Goblins have declared me as a 'Friend of the Nation', granting me another emancipation. So, unless you're prepared to go to all of those countries and have them declare it void, you've failed. Besides, with my legal status' in those countries, I have acceptance letters from the Durmstrang Institute and Beauxbatons Academy. And believe me, Olympe's a lot more hospitable."

He looked around at the fallen Order members, groaning. "You'd better get the nurse here quickly. They'll bleed to death if you're not careful." He stared back at Dumbledore. "Minister Fudge cannot reverse the disownment. It was permanent, and was signed in blood. It cannot be taken back. It doesn't matter if the Minister for Magic tries to do it. Christ, it wouldn't matter if _God_ tried to do it. Once done, it cannot be undone. So, that should nicely bollocks up your plans for sticking me with the Potters.

"Finally, you can't find my exam results because they are classified, and are stored by the Department of Mysteries. Rest assured, they are there."

Dumbledore's face grew enraged. "You are attending Hogwarts, Mr. Potter."

"You sound like a broken fucking record, Dumbledore. Which part of what I've told you are you failing to understand?"

"I have not failed to understand a single word you've said." Dumbledore replied scathingly. "But, you still need training to take on Voldemort."

"And who will train me? The sixteen rejects who couldn't stop a fifteen year old from leaving a room? Good luck with that." Harry sneered, and turned away, preparing to leave the Great Hall.

Dumbledore snarled, and raised his wand. With the speed of a striking Cobra, Harry spun round, throwing a heel kick at Dumbledore, and knocking him twenty feet down the aisle.

"I've had enough of this, you stupid bastard. Stay away from me. This is your last warning. The next Death Eater or Order member who approaches me will die. Is that understood?" He glared at the Slytherin table. "I know some of you have Dark Marks. I can feel them from here. Tell your parents, and tell your Death Eater friends. If I see them, I will kill them."

Harry turned back, and saw four hundred stunned students. He strode over to the Ravenclaw table, stepping over the unconscious Dumbledore.

"Hi, Hermione. How's it going?"

The stunned girl looked up to see Harry staring at her. "Uh... hi." She stammered.

Harry sat down on the bench, and picked up the book she was reading. "_Arithmancy though the Ages_? That's a crap book. Seriously. You'd be better reading _Arithmatic Equations that Really Matter_ by Dedard Sums. Much better."

Hermione felt her brain re-engage. "It's also been missing for the last four hundred years."

Harry reached into his cloak, and brought out a small device. He handed it over to her. "This is a PDA, connected to my laptop. It has copies of pretty much every book ever written. You'll be able to read a copy on there."

She looked down at the PDA, a look of awe on her face. "But... how will I get it to work in Hogwarts? Electrical devices don't work here."

"It's enchanted to work off magic. It'll work everywhere. Just make damn sure Muggles don't get hold of it." Harry held out his hand, a small dagger visible. "I'm gonna tie it to you by using your blood and magical signature. That means only you could use it."

Hermione absently held out her hand, while gazing at the PDA. Harry gently pricked her finger, and allowed a single drop of blood to fall onto the machine. It bleeped, and then lit up.

"It's voice activated, so just ask it for whatever book you want. If you don't know what book, ask it for a menu about a particular subject, or just ask it to search for a particular term or phrase."

Hermione was flabbergasted. "What else can this thing do?"

Harry scratched his head, mussing up his hair. Several witches close by sighed in desire. Harry was oblivious. "Uh... it can communicate with the laptop, using that little camera at the top. Just say 'communication' and it'll open a small window. It can also access both magical and Muggle radio. That's about it."

Hermione hugged the device to her. "I'll take care of it, I promise." She looked up into his dreamy green eyes. "Oh, by the way. The question you asked last time? The answer's 'yes'. It's a week from this weekend."

Harry grinned, and nodded. "It's a date, Miss Granger." He reached out, took her hand, and kissed the back of it. "Until then, milady."

Harry looked up, to see Amelia Bones stalking into the Great Hall. She stopped as she saw the carnage of twelve fully qualified witches and wizards on the ground. "What the hell happened here?"

Harry stood up, raising his hand. "Uh... that was me. They tried to subdue me. I had to fight back."

Amelia looked at the various bloodstains and wounded people. "I assume you meant to incapacitate?"

Harry nodded, then looked confused. "Why would I have shot them in the leg if I meant to kill them? That doesn't make any sense."

At that point, Andrew Potter stood up, brandishing his wand. "Director Bones, I demand that you arrest that man immediately! He has attacked the teachers of this school with a Muggle weapon!"

A single shot rang out, destroying the false 'Boy-Who-Lived's wand. Amelia looked over, to see Harry quickly thrust something smoking into his cloak. He looked at her with an innocent expression.

Andrew's face became enraged. "That's it! I challenge you to a duel! Wands only, no seconds. To the death!" A gasp reverberated throughout the Great Hall.

"Without the authorisation of your parent or guardian, child," Harry replied scathingly, "You can't issue a death duel. Also, what wand are you going to use? Yours doesn't work anymore."

Andrew looked down, to see his broken wand. "You bastard!"

Harry nodded. "Since I don't have parents, I am indeed a bastard. I also don't have a wand. So, go and find your daddy, little boy, before I decide to show you some real pain." Harry turned, and walked over to Madam Bones. "I believe I'm done here, Madam Bones."

Amelia nodded. This young man had defeated the elite of the Light side, and had done it within minutes.

McGonagall strode down, her lips pressed together so tightly that they had disappeared. Harry spotted her coming, and scurried behind Madam Bones, using her as a human shield. Bones smirked for a moment, then sobered up.

"Something I can help you with, Minerva?" She asked politely.

"What the hell is going on here?" She demanded angrily. "First, this young man blasts the doors of the Great Hall, then attacks Professors and members of the Order! Why isn't he under arrest?"

Amelia looked at McGonagall. "This young man was kidnapped by Dumbledore. This is not the first time he has done it, either. Harry has already given valid reasons for his actions. I understand them. Dumbledore crossed the line, and paid for it."

McGonagall glared at Harry, who ducked down behind Amelia. "What possible reasons would Professor Dumbledore have to kidnap this young man?"

Harry stood, and took a deep breath. "Because I'm the one in the prophecy. I'm the real Boy-Who-Lived, not that idiotic half-wit twin brother. Dumbledore seems to think that I simply have to enrol at Hogwarts. Even though I've already passed my exams and graduated. He also seems to think that I need training from the Order." Harry gestured at the remaining Order members. "As you can see, I don't."

"That doesn't explain why Albus is so fixated on you." McGonagall replied, with much less heat and anger this time.

"No, it doesn't. However, what does explain his behaviour is that Albus feels the need to control everything. His little yearly tests for Potter show that quite clearly. To be frank, I'm getting bloody sick of him interfering in my life."

McGonagall looked at Harry, seemingly searching his soul. "You would have done well in Gryffindor, Mr. Potter."

Harry snarled. "I am not Harry Potter. I am just Harry, Professor."

"My apologies, Harry." McGonagall replied. "I generally do not use first names with students."

"Since I'm not a student, Minnie, it's not really a problem." He smiled at her cheekily, causing her to blush.

Amelia leaned in close. "That's a dangerous weapon you have there, Harry. You should be careful."

Harry grinned, his 'smouldering' look, guaranteed to cause blushing cheeks, hardened nipples and dampened panties in witches everywhere. It was felt by a number of the witches around him, who had the grace to blush and look away. Including Professor McGonagall. Harry grinned to himself.

"So... what happens now?" Harry asked. "Since Dumbledore's obviously not gonna take no for an answer." He looked down at the sprawled Headmaster. "Somebody should really wake him up, you know. It's not good for his posture to just lie on a stone floor."

Several of the students raised their wands, and cast _Enervate_ charms at the Headmaster. Dumbledore woke up, and saw Harry standing over him.

He snarled, and pulled himself to his feet. "I see you're still here, Mr. Potter." He said snappily. "Does this mean you're going to comply with my wishes?"

Harry looked at Madam Bones. "Who's he talking to?"

"I think it's you." Amelia whispered back. "You have explained that you're not a Potter, haven't you?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "Several times. He thinks that he's managed to get me under control. He's tried to void my emancipation, disowning and education."

Amelia glared at Dumbledore. "Albus, do you want to be arrested?" She asked sharply. She had to work hard to keep her tone firm, since she was distracted by the fact that Harry had been stroking and squeezing her right buttock for over a minute, and she was rather enjoying it.

Dumbledore shook his head, while glaring at Harry. "No. I'm simply trying to help young Mr. Potter here."

"Then you can start by not calling him that." Amelia replied. "He has not been a Potter since 1984. He is also emancipated. You will stop trying to drag him to your school. I've already seen his education results, and he has no reason to be here. Why did you kidnap him?"

Dumbledore resumed his grandfatherly persona. "I did not kidnap him. I simply brought him here at the request of his parents. Since they have accepted him back into their family, he should be with them." He smiled, and reached out with a tendril of Legilimency. He stopped when he encountered a black shield, encompassing Harry's mind.

"He cannot be accepted back into the Potter family, Dumbledore, you know that!" Harry's hand had stopped squeezing her buttock, and was now slowly sliding down, between her buttocks towards her crotch, even through her heavy robes. _Damn, he's good... _"He would need to be adopted by them. In order to do that, he would need to agree to it, since he is emancipated."

Harry looked up, and decided to dash the hopeful expression on Dumbledore's face. "I will state clearly, here and now, that I will never agree to that." He looked at Amelia. "If, for some inexplicable reason, I do decide that, then I want you to block it, and check me out for spells or enchantments. 'Cause that's the only way I'd agree to it."

"My boy, don't you want to be accepted back into your family? They care about you a great deal, you know."

"No, they don't. They like the fame of being the parents of the 'Boy-Who-Lived'. Since that's not Andrew Potter, they're trying to get me. How would the world react to the fact that the let the real BWL simply fade away after being neglected? I somehow think they'd be upset. That's the reason they _care about me a great deal_."

Dumbledore shook his head. "That is simply not true, Harry, my boy. Your parents love you. They always have. They were very upset when you ran away."

"Yes..." Harry replied mockingly. "So upset it took them five weeks to realise. It must have been the trauma of my departure."

At that moment, Lily ran into the Great Hall. She rushed over to Harry, before grabbing him in a hug. "Are you all right?" She asked, clinging to him.

Harry pulled back, glaring at her. "What are you doing, Mrs. Potter? I believe I have made my feelings towards you quite clear."

Lily looked at Dumbledore, who shook his head slightly. Harry noticed, and was fuming again. "I can't believe you! Have you listened to nothing I have said?"

At that moment, his scar erupted in searing pain. "Oh, shit!" He muttered, before dropping to his knees, a hoarse cry gurgling from his throat. The vision lasted for a few moments, before settling down to a throbbing migraine. Harry slumped on all fours, before visibly gathering his strength.

A shaking hand reached into his cloak, pulling out the miniaturised box of potions. He pulled out two vials. Madam Bones looked at them in shock.

"That's a simple headache potion," She said, pointing to the pink vial. "What's the other?"

"Anti-Cruciatus..." Harry replied, swallowing both vials, and gently pulling himself back to his feet, putting the box back into his cloak.

"And why do you need Anti-Cruciatus potion?" Bones asked sharply.

Harry shook his head, clearing the cobwebs. "The scar on my forehead is where Voldemort's killing curse rebounded fourteen years ago. As such, it links us together. Whenever he feels a strong emotion, it forces its way down the link. He was just cursing one of his Death Eaters with _Crucio_. As such, I feel it."

Dumbledore spoke up again. "This is why you need my training, dear boy." He looked smug and apologetic. "With my training you in Occlumency, you will not suffer from these episodes." He looked at Snape, who was now being woken up. "We'll need to begin immediately. Severus will be able to teach you the basics. You'll then come to me for advanced training."

Harry rolled his eyes. "I already know Occlumency, you daft old bugger. How do you think I kept both you and Snape out?" He looked at Amelia, pleading in his eyes. "Madam Bones, would you please explain to Dumbledore that I do not require his help? For some reason, everything I say to him he ignores."

"I doubt he'll listen to me, Harry. I suggest we leave here."

"No!" Lily shouted. "You have to stay! We need you!"

Harry's head shout round, piercing her with his gaze. "Perhaps, Mrs. Potter. I, however, do not need you."

Lily's heart broke at that moment. "Harry... son... there must be some way to fix this!"

Harry sat down on one of the empty benches. He looked around the Great Hall. He hadn't even seen the children depart. "And what would you suggest, Mrs. Potter? That I simply ignore the fact that you neglected me? Just come and live with you, and everything's forgotten? Let you buy me presents to make up for the fact that you forgot you had two children?"

Lily's eyes were full of tears. "There must be something I can do!"

"I'm open to suggestions." Harry replied icily. "In fact, I'm oddly curious. Unless you're willing to travel back to 1981 and raise me properly, I don't think there's anything you can do."

"Harry, please!" Lily had completely broken down by now, tears freely flowing down her face.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Potter."

"Let me try! Let me try and make it up to you! I know I can't change what's already happened, but I can be here for you now!"

"Too little, too late." Harry replied bluntly. "Frankly, living with parents would really curtail my lifestyle. I wouldn't be allowed to go to my drinking sessions, and my swingers club would be really disappointed."

He winked at Madam Bones as he said this, who rolled her eyes in amusement.

"You go to swingers clubs?" Lily asked, her eyes flashing dangerously. "You don't know what you could pick up from there! You must stop, immediately!"

Harry looked at Madam Bones. "Of course I know what I can pick up there; why do you think I go? You see? Why would I want to have parents?"

Bones looked at Lily. "He was testing you, Lily. I dare say you failed."

Shaking his head, Harry spoke up. "Actually, she passed the 'mother' trial. However, since I've spent the last eleven years without a parental figure, I don't want a mother." He glared at Lily Potter. "I have no need for you. You might want to spend some time with your husband. I'm sure if you look carefully, you'll find him passed out in the Hospital Wing." He turned towards the doors, before Amelia Bones stopped him, an odd look on her face.

"Harry, if you need anything, anything at all, then let me know. It would be my _pleasure_ to help."

Harry leaned in, close towards her ear. "You know, you're right. I'm fairly certain the pleasure would be _all_ yours." He left the Great Hall, leaving behind a sea of rampaging hormones, masquerading as the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement.


	7. Hormone I mean, Hermione Granger!

– **CHAPTER SIX –**

_**Hormone... I mean, Hermione Granger**_

Lessons that day had been torturous for Hermione, with everyone asking her about the extremely good looking guy who seemed to be spending an inordinate amount of attention on her. Lunch was even worse, as every Ravenclaw girl, and three of the guys, had been asking her all kinds of questions that she didn't want to answer. DADA that day was agonising, as Professor Potter seemed to be in a wretched mood, and seemed to be blaming her for some of it. Never a girl blessed with a large number of friends, she had felt ostracised and shunned today, and needed to talk to someone. _Well, someone in particular._

Hermione looked around, before pulling the PDA from her blouse pocket. She was sat alone in the Dorm Room, and had been waiting for the rest of her year-mates to leave her alone.

She turned it on, and looked at the little menu. She tapped her wand on 'communications', and waited.

* * *

Harry's laptop binged, announcing he had an incoming message. He rolled off the couch, and yawned lazily. "Accept." He told the machine.

Hermione's face swam over the screen. He grinned at her. "Hello, my little Ravenclaw!" He blew a kiss at her image. "How're you doing today?"

Hermione blushed prettily. "I'm fine, thanks, Harry. How're you?"

"All the better for seeing you." He replied warmly. "What can I do to... erm, I mean, for you?"

Hermione looked around the room, checking to make sure she was alone. "I just fancied a chat, is all." She replied.

"Uh-huh." Harry smirked. "And the reason you keep looking around to make sure you're alone? Are you feeling guilty?"

Hermione blushed again. "No... just like the idea of keeping you to myself."

Harry grinned, making Hermione feel warm all over. "Ah, shucks... Look at me, I'm blushing! Thank you, sweetie. So... any reason you want to keep me to yourself?"

"Well..." Hermione blushed, "I've... I've never had a boy be interested in me before."

Harry's eyebrow arched up. "How is that possible? You're the prettiest girl in that school!" Harry carried on, ignoring her blush and embarrassed look. "I mean, seriously... how could any straight male in that school not want you?"

Hermione looked down at her hands. "Well... a lot of people say that I'm an annoying know-it-all." She whispered.

Harry looked puzzled. "I've spent time with you. I'd call you knowledgeable... not an annoying know-it-all. People just don't realise how clever you are!" He looked at her face, seeing more pain there than there should have been. "What else do people say? I can tell that somebody's said something hurtful to you."

Nodding, Hermione filled him in. "I've been called a buck-toothed, bushy-haired, arrogant know-it-all Mudblood."

Harry saw red for a moment. "Who said that?" He asked calmly.

"Draco Malfoy... and Andrew Potter." She whispered back. "They... it's something that's said to me quite often."

"Well... that ends now." Harry declared firmly. "Allow me to tell you what I see, when I look at you. Is that okay?" Harry waited for her to nod. "I see a very attractive young woman. There's nothing wrong with your teeth. You have a beautiful smile, and should do it more often. You're hair is great, although," Harry gestured to his own messy mop, "I can't really comment on hair. I do know that I like yours. As to 'Mudblood', the only people who use that phrase are arrogant wankers. Believe me, I'll be having words with them."

"No, Harry. That's not necessary." Hermione replied quickly, immediately seeing the underlying message in his words.

"Yes, it is." He growled. "No-one insults my friends, Hermione, and I would like you to be my friend." He lowered his voice. "And more."

Hermione's ears pricked up at the last two words. She grinned into the PDA. "Sorry... didn't quite catch that, Harry."

"Yes, you did." Harry replied, grinning back. "I'd like to come see you on your next Hogsmeade weekend, if I could."

Hermione nodded without thinking. "It's actually this weekend. I can meet you outside the Three Broomsticks, if you want."

"Well..." Harry thought for a moment. "I have carte blanche to enter the school, so I can meet you outside your common room, and we can walk down together."

Hermione blushed again. "You can enter the school whenever you want?" Harry nodded. "So... are you nearby?"

Harry held back a laugh. "Yes, I'm very close by. I'm actually camping in the forest."

"It's dangerous in there!" Hermione exclaimed.

"Relax, Hermione, I know it's dangerous, but, I promise, I won't hurt anyone." This time, his laugh escaped him. "Trust me, the only danger I've seen so far is Centaurian Ale. I tell you, on a quiet night, you can hear it seething in the bottle. In fact, why don't we meet for breakfast in the Great Hall tomorrow, and I can talk you through some of the things that I've noticed that are wrong in the Magical Creatures texts, especially with the Acromantulas." He squinted at the screen a moment, looking at Hermione's shocked face. "I didn't know you had fillings, Hermione."

She closed her mouth, narrowing her eyes in a way that either demonstrated mock-annoyance or a severe risk to Harry's ability to carry on his line. _I'm still not sure which, either._ "Okay, Harry. I'll meet you for breakfast. 7.30, okay?"

Harry smiled broadly while nodding. "Indeed. Sweet dreams, fair Hermione." He blew a kiss, and closed the connection.

* * *

Harry was sitting at the Ravenclaw table with Hermione, who was watching in rapt fascination as a fork performed the Riverdance, all four tines clicking together on the polished wooden table. Michael Corner was entranced as his fork joined in, along with others, until 6 forks were dancing merrily, tapping in perfect unison.

Harry felt pressure shift on his upper arm, slowly sliding down. "Erm, guys, don't scream."

"Scream? Why would we... Argh!" Corner shot backwards as a spade-shaped head emerged from Harry's sleeve, and looked around lazily. Every Ravenclaw within a 16-foot diameter suddenly shot backwards, leaving Harry sat with Hermione, who looked slightly impressed with the short-range Apparition that her classmates were capable of.

"Ovophis, meet Hermione. Hermione, this is Ovophis."

_§Charmed, I'm sure.§_

Hermione reached out, and gently stroked the snake's glistening scales. "Ovophis Monticola. Mountain pit viper. Beautiful. And, if I remember correctly, rather venomous."

The snake shuddered under her touch and made an odd, repetitive hissing sound. "She says she's just misunderstood." He leaned in closer, slightly conspiratorially. "Although, if I were you, I'd be glad you're not a field mouse. She's got quite the obsession with wriggly snacks."

_§I merely enjoy working up my appetite.§_ Ovophis looked at Hermione, and completely cleared Harry's sleeve, wrapping herself round Hermione's upper arm and settling her head on Hermione's shoulder. _§I like this one. She's warm and smells like flowers. Can I keep her?§_

Harry laughed, and looked Hermione directly in the eye while she gently stroked the snake. "She says she likes you and wants to keep you. I can see her point."

By this point, the standing Ravenclaws had drawn everyone's attention to the possibility of some breakfast entertainment, especially the Gryffindors.

"What's going on?" Andrew Potter saw the uppity mudblood with a snake round her arm, and looked slightly panicked.

Harry looked over at his lackwit of a brother with an amused smirk. "I was just demonstrating to Hermione that I'm a Parselmouth and introducing her to Ovo who is, by the way, a shameless flirt."

"You're a Dark Wizard!" Ginny shouted. "How else would you be able to speak the snake language?"

Harry laughed. "You stupid girl!" He ignored the look of rage on her face. "Tell me, child, who the fuck opened the Chamber of Secrets, and set a Basilisk on the school? Since the Chamber needs a Parselmouth to open it."

Ginny looked down, her cheeks a fiery red.

"I am not a Dark Wizard. I am not a Light Wizard. I am Grey." Harry replied.

Several students looked at him in fear and confusion. "What the hell does that mean?"

"I do not follow Dumbledore. I do not follow Voldemort. I choose my own path." He looked around. "I don't believe in the Dark Arts. There ain't no such thing."

"Of course there is!" Hermione shouted. "What about the Unforgivables?"

Harry nodded. "Ah... the 'Unforgivable' curses." He looked around the room. "What do you know about them?"

"The use of any Unforgivable curse against a human will earn you a life sentence in Azkaban." Hermione recited.

"A textbook answer, Hermione." Harry replied. "But, that's not what I asked. What do you know about them? Who invented them? What was the purpose for inventing them?"

Hermione looked confused. "I don't know."

"Well, then. I'll educate you." Harry pulled out his laptop, and set it up on the Ravenclaw table. "This device has copies of almost every magical text ever written. Including the diaries of Merlin, and the four founders of Hogwarts.

"The Killing Curse, _Avada_ _Kedavra_, was actually invented by Helga Hufflepuff." He stopped, waiting for the inevitable cry from the students. He got it.

Susan Bones jumped to her feet. "You expect us to believe that Hufflepuff invented a curse to kill people!"

"No." Harry replied. "I expect you to believe that Helga created a curse to painlessly kill animals, so that they could be used for food. The Killing Curse causes no pain, and is instant. Before this curse was created, animals had to be stunned before being physically killed. Sometimes, the animal woke up. _Avada_ _Kedavra_ is a humane way to do it."

Susan sat down, thoughtful of what she had been told.

"What about the other curses?" Andrew Potter asked arrogantly.

"Well, the Cruciatus curse is actually kinda difficult to explain, but it's actually a perversion of an old medical spell. That spell, the Crecitius was actually a pain-numbing spell. It suppressed any pain being felt in the nerves. Cruciatus casts the opposite, causing pain along the nerves. It's a truly hideous perversion."

"And the Imperious curse?" Malfoy asked. Harry fought the urge to curl his lip.

"Yes... you would know about that one, wouldn't you, Ferret Boy? Well, that curse was actually designed to help people."

"And how could a curse that allows complete mental control over somebody help them?" Lily asked from the Head Table.

"I can think of several examples off the top of my head. Would you like me to share them with you, Professor?" Harry replied, pulling out a cigar from his shirt pocket.

"Yes. That's why I asked." Lily replied snidely.

"Okay." Harry lit up the cigar, and took a deep drag. "Say somebody wanted to quit smoking, but didn't have the willpower to give up on their own. By using the Imperious curse to order someone to carry on with their life as normal, but to ignore cigars, they'd be able to quit."

Lily nodded. _Damn him! That's a good example._

"Say somebody was caught in a burning building, and they were too afraid to move. You've managed to plot a safe route out, but the person you're trying to help won't move. By using _Imperio_, you can get them out of the building and save their life. And the actual reason Imperious was invented was for dentistry. It was used to make sure people didn't run away from the pliers. Combine Crecitius and Imperious, and you have painless, harmless dentistry. That was actually Merlin's work.

"Magic isn't light and dark, children. It's all a matter of intent. I could cast a Summoning spell at someone, traditionally thought of as 'light' magic, and have them land in a pool of acid. I could use the Levitating charm and throw somebody off a cliff. Again, traditionally 'light' magic." He looked around at the entire Hall, which was looking at him during his impromptu lecture with a mixture of interest (Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws), scorn (Slytherins) and a little bit of distrust (Gryffindors).

"Harry, my office, please. Now."

* * *

"Mr Potter, I must ask you not to scare the students of this school with displays of unusual or dark powers." Dumbledore looked at the young man in front of him with a sullen expression.

"And I must ask you not to call me Mr Potter. I am not a Potter."

"Very well, then, Harry. Lemon drop?" Harry shook his head. "You seem to be spending some time here of your own volition, in the company of Miss Granger. Perhaps you would like to accompany her to her classes. You would not be required to submit any work in of your own, or perform homework, and you would not be subject to the house points system of discipline, but you may find a scrap of knowledge here that will be of use to you."

_Hmmm... Magnanimous of you, old man. It does mean spending more time with Hermione._ "So, I could sit in classes, but not have to do any of the work. What if I'm a disruptive influence?"

"Though it pains me to admit, you have not started any conflicts, merely reacted."

"I have a cat who likes to visit me occasionally, and Ovo quite likes my upper arm. Any trouble bringing them with me?"

"I would request you tell us the exact genus of your snake so that we may stock suitable anti-venom, just in case of any accidents or misunderstandings. Otherwise, no, that will be fine."

"Very well. I'll maintain my own sleeping arrangements, though. They suit me where I am at the moment."

"Agreed." Dumbledore stood, offering his hand. "Welcome to Hogwarts."

* * *

Harry sat slumped at the Ravenclaw table, bleary-eyed. He was in the Great Hall alone, before breakfast was due to be served. _Centaurian Ale. Why did I drink Centaurian Ale? _Harry's hangovers didn't include a headache, or dry throat or upset stomach. They just seemed to invoke a case of severe narcolepsy and the ability to drink 18 pints of water without needing a lavatory.

A tall student came in, dressed in the silver and green of Slytherin house. He strode over to Harry.

"So... the newest Potter has graced us with his presence." He said, sneering.

Harry looked up. "Who are you?"

"I'm Nott." Theo replied arrogantly.

"Not what?" Harry asked.

"No, I'm Nott, Theodore Nott, Potter."

Harry looked confused. "Well, I didn't know you're not Theodore, did I? I didn't know you're not Potter. Although, that's not my name either."

"No, my name is Nott!" Theo shouted.

"Not what? Instead of telling me what your name isn't, why don't you tell me what it is, prick!" Harry shouted back, not understanding why this person was stood in front of him.

"Nott! Nott! You..." Nott shrugged his shoulders. "Oh, forget it!" He turned, and stalked away.

Harry looked down at the table, confused. He shrugged, and yawned again. He knew there was a reason he liked his pistol, the sword he found 3 years ago, and his small collection of gas grenades; they didn't try to confuse the hell out of him this early in the morning. Several minutes later, the students started to enter the hall. The House Elves waited until most people were present before sending the breakfast through the enchanted tables. Harry saw the food, and groaned. _Why couldn't..._ His nose picked up the scent he had been waiting desperately for.

"Which one's the coffee?" He asked. One of the first-years pointed out the 2-litre thermal jug. Harry picked it up, and started to walk away.

"Hey!" One of the first-year girls started.

"It'll stunt your growth." Harry retorted, looking at the boy who was barely five foot tall. "Trust me, you don't want that," he advised, before grabbing a jug of milk and a pot of sugar. He casually unscrewed the lid, threw it over his shoulder, and added a generous amount of milk and sugar. To the amazement and disgust of everyone in the Great Hall, Harry started chugging the almost-boiling coffee, finishing the whole pot. He slammed the now-empty jug onto the table, and looked around.

Several students realised what he was doing, and protectively grabbed the coffee pots near them. Harry scowled at them, and headed to the Slytherin table. He grabbed two more jugs, before doing the same.

Six litres of coffee later, Harry finally felt the caffeine kick in, waking him up slightly.

"Good morning, handsome." A soft voice said mockingly.

Harry looked up, still slightly bleary-eyed, to see Hermione smiling warmly at him. "Is it? I disagree. I have far too much blood in my caffeine stream." He scowled again. "What makes it good?"

Hermione thought for a moment, then decided to be cheeky. "Well, seeing me, of course! Doesn't that improve your day?"

Male preservation instincts kicked in at the point, completely bypassing the sluggish synapses that had abandoned him, providing him with the correct answer. "Of course, my sweet Hermione."

Hermione grinned. "Good answer, Harry. Good answer. Is there any coffee left?" She eyes the three empty jugs in front of Harry.

Harry started eyeing the other pots, causing the other four hundred students in the Great Hall to make desperate grabs for the coffee jugs. Harry stood up, and glared at everyone. "You're all a bunch of bastards!" He shouted, barely holding back snapping.

Several girls took pity on him, bringing over a pot of coffee each. Harry grinned, poured Hermione a cup, and started to chug the rest.

At the Head Table, Dumbledore was watching in fascinated horror. He turned to Lily. "That makes six jugs, Lily... He'll be uncontrollable today!"

Lily smiled slightly. "Well... at least he'll be awake."


	8. Time Ta Get Ma Learn On!

– **CHAPTER SEVEN –**

_**Time to Get Ma Learn On!**_

Twenty minutes in to her first class of the day, Professor McGonagall was regretting allowing Harry to sit in her class. He was sat in the middle row, his head slumped into his hand, eyes hanging at half-mast.

"Am I boring you, Harry?" McGonagall asked icily. Harry nodded without looking up, poking at his coffee cup.

Several students took a deep breath, and inched away, waiting for Mount McGonagall to erupt. "What is that?" She asked, pointing to his silver travel mug, now half-full of coffee.

Harry looked up, confused by the question. "Er... it's a cup, Professor." Harry replied slowly, as if speaking to a small child.

The Hufflepuff students all raised _Protego_ shields, awaiting the inevitable pyroclastic eruption that was now sure to occur.

"And why is it in my classroom, Harry?" McGonagall asked slowly, her tone icy cold. Several students sitting near her shivered.

"Well," Harry replied innocently. "It gets lonely if I leave it in my room. For some reason, it gets scared that someone else will drink from it."

Harry's finger flickered, causing the cup to sprout little legs and arms, and stagger over to Harry. McGonagall had to work hard to hide the amusement she felt. The cup turned, showing a little face, full of panic.

"Please, Master Harry!" The cup's tiny high-pitched voice shouted. "Don't let them take me!"

Harry picked up the cup, and hugged it to his chest, whispering soothing noises, before he placed it back on the table.

McGonagall sighed, and nodded. "An excellent combination of charms and transfiguration, Harry."

Harry nodded, not understanding why she was rewarding him. "Okay?" He replied uncertainly.

Hermione sniggered, and covered her mouth with her hand. Harry really wasn't a morning person, even with enough coffee in him to jump start every person at Hogwarts.

Rolling her eyes, McGonagall turned back, and carried on with her lesson, certain that she had just gained some new wrinkles.

* * *

In Charms class, Professor Flitwick had heard about the defensive coffee cup, and was eager to see it himself. When the group entered and sat down, Flitwick waddled over.

"Harry?"

Harry looked at the diminutive Professor suspiciously. "Yes?"

"I've heard rumours about an interesting cup you have. I'd be most eager to see it." He smiled winningly.

"I'm down here!" A little voice shouted. Flitwick looked down to see the coffee cup on the floor, waving its little arms to get his attention. Flitwick giggled, and picked it up. The cup waved merrily at him, and winked.

"Well, this is marvellous!" The cup blew Flitwick a kiss, before wriggling. Still giggling, Flitwick passed the cup back to Harry, who placed it on his desk. He wiggled his finger again, causing the cup to return to normal.

"I'd be eager to see what other charms you can cast, Harry." Flitwick smiled. "From what I've been told, you've already passed your OWLs and NEWTs. Not really sure why you're in my class."

Harry scowled. "Would you like the truth, or a publicly acceptable answer, Professor?"

Flitwick raised an eyebrow. "The publicly acceptable answer, please."

Harry smiled winningly. "I was curious to see the education available here at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Professor Flitwick."

Flitwick nodded. "And the truth?"

Scowling, Harry answered. "'Cause Dumbledore's a manipulative old bastard who won't leave me alone. He's abducted me twice, you know." He leaned in closer. "And I'm curious about those goat rumours. You've heard about his brother, I presume?" Harry arched an eyebrow, and leaned back.

Flitwick felt a new tick starting underneath his left eye. Harry grinned to himself. _Two down... a dozen to go._

"Well, you wanted to see what I can do. So, what would you like to see?"

Flitwick reached underneath his desk and pulled out five Action Man figures, and placed them on the desk in front of Harry. "I'd like you to animate these toys, and have them perform independent actions."

Harry nodded and smiled to himself, remembering a Muggle movie that had been released just before last Christmas. Four of the figures were suddenly wearing red tunics with black pants, while the fifth was just wearing black pants, a red bandana holding back its suddenly long hair. A tune started playing in the classroom, Justin Finch-Fletchley, the only Muggleborn there, recognised it instantly, as the four figures engaged in hand to hand combat with the fifth, which was more than capable of battling them. Finally, it was one on one, and the long haired figure had the other figure by the throat. Drawing back a miniscule arm, it punched the head clean off the red fighter, watching as the body slumped to the desktop.

"Fatality!" Harry looked pleased with himself as a quick _Reparo_ restored the action figures to their previous condition. "How was that, Professor?"

"Superb, Harry!" Filius Flitwick, duelling champion, Hogwarts Professor and Charms Master, was bouncing up and down in delight, not only at the awesome display of magic he had just witnessed, but also pleased that one of his action figures had managed to face 4-1 odds, and still win.

"Thank you. Their fight was settled in the only way possible. In Mortal Kombat!" Harry smiled. "With a K."

"You're a weird guy, Harry. Interesting and fun, but weird."

* * *

Muggle Studies was going to be fun. Professor Lily Potter was in charge of the class, and Harry was eager to see what mayhem he could cause in her class.

He sat at the front, ignoring the rest of the group, and plastered his most angelic look on his face. Hermione sat next to him, and looked at him suspiciously. "You're gonna do this all day, aren't you?"

Harry smiled at her, and nodded politely. "Yes. I'm just wondering how many teachers I can annoy in one day. Plus, this one has the evil harridan in it. I'm looking forward to Defence most, though." Harry let out an evil cackle, that had a dual-effect on Hermione. One was to make her shiver in fear, and the other made her shiver with desire.

She leaned in close. "Do that again, and we'll be late for Defence, Harry." She whispered.

Giving her his best 'who, me?' look, he also leaned in close. "Why's that, my sweet Hermione?"

"Because I'll drag you off somewhere, and... discipline you." She raised an eyebrow, trying her best to look intimidating.

"Really." Harry drawled. He placed his lips right next to her ear, and laughed quietly. She shuddered, and glared at him.

"Stop it!" She hissed.

Harry stuck out his tongue, before turning back and looking at Professor Potter.

"Good day, class. Welcome to Muggle Studies." Lily stared at her son for a moment, before continuing. "In this class, we teach the difference between Wizards and Muggles, and how to pass as a Muggle."

Harry pulled out his shrunken laptop, and expanded it on the desk. Hermione, following his lead, pulled out the small PDA Harry had given her, and turned it on.

"What're those?" Lily asked.

Harry rolled his eyes, and chuckled loudly. "Oh, this is priceless. Tell me, Professor, how you can teach people about the Muggle world, without being able to recognise Muggle technology?"

Lily blushed. "I've not had the chance to inspect the latest technology. It looks like an electrical device."

Harry rolled his eyes, earning a glare from his mother. "It's a laptop computer. This particular device has the ability to scan texts magically, and store them on the mainframe at my home. It's also powered by magic, so it never needs to be recharged." He pointed to Hermione's PDA. "That is a smaller, more advanced piece of technology, also powered by magic. Its main functions are for communications and accessing the library files."

Lily extended her hand. "May I see?" Harry shook his head. "Sorry, no. The work is patented and the devices are protected. It won't work for you."

"I'll have to confiscate the devices." Lily said. "Enchanting Muggle objects is against the law. The Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office will have to be notified."

"Really?" Harry asked. "Why?"

Lily looked at him with the 'patient Dumbledore' look that so infuriated Harry. "Because it's against the law, Harry."

"It's against the law to enchant objects and then allow them to fall into Muggle hands. Since this technology can only be operated by myself and anyone I key into them, it's falls outside the law. The devices will self-destruct if anyone but me opens them."

"Nevertheless, Harry, I'll have to confiscate them, and hand them in to the Ministry." Lily said, holding out her hand.

Harry sighed, and closed the laptop. He waved his hand, shrinking the device, before slowly and deliberately placing it into his cloak pocket. "No."

Lily drew her wand, and aimed it directly at Harry. "Hand over the device, or I'll have no choice but to stun you, and take it from you."

Hermione discretely put the PDA into her pocket, and covered it with a glamour charm.

"You know, this brings back some memories. Mummy taking something of mine, to be handed to my 'betters'."

Lily stopped dead, the scorn in his voice warring with her being called 'mummy'.

"You see, Professor, I am not a student. You have no authority over me. I've broken no laws, or school rules. All I see is a sad, pathetic woman, desperately trying to stamp what little authority she has on someone who really doesn't give a wet, soapy wank about her authority." Harry rolled his eyes at the volley of drawn in breath from the fellow students. He pulled his laptop out of his pocket, and threw it in to the air, where a flash of fire revealed the existence of a diving Hedwig, who snatched up the computer and disappeared. "Whoops. I seem to have lost it. I hope no Muggles find it."

"You little shit!"

"Mum! You're back!" Harry's face suddenly turned furious. "It's so good to see you after a decade, Mrs Potter. Now, if you'll excuse me, I believe this is the point where I make a quiet, dignified exit where you look impotent and ineffectual."

Lily Potter was outraged as the young man strode towards the door. "Of all the-"

"Ah ah ah! Dignified exit." The door closed behind him, the snick of the lock acting as a perfect full stop.

* * *

"You enjoyed that, didn't you?"

Harry looked at Hermione from where he was applying warpaint to the statue of Gregory the Smarmy. "You're damn right I did. Didn't you?"

Hermione, bookish, quiet Hermione, laughed loudly. "I did. I get the feeling, though, that lunch is going to be very interesting. I also imagine that DADA this afternoon is also going to be interesting."

Harry smiled, but it was a smile that didn't go to his face. "Interesting, certainly. But not exactly what you'd call fun."

* * *

James Potter tore through the corridors of Hogwarts with a passion, his boots slamming in to the ground, advertising his anger to anyone within listening distance. Approaching 5th Year DADA between the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws, his mind was full of righteous indignation at the way his son had treated his wife, in full view of her own class. He barrelled through the door, slamming it behind him with a gesture over his shoulder with his wand.

"Right, wands out, everyone. We'll be having mock duels. Get with your assigned partners and practice stunning and disarming. Son, since you don't have a partner, you'll be duelling me."

Harry, engrossed in his laptop with a particularly challenging game of Doom, ignored everything around him. Hermione, facing off against Susan Bones, watched as Harry frantically tapped the spacebar, firing his pistol as a monster that looked suspiciously like a meatball with a face. A laugh suddenly squelched out, ending the game.

"Bastarding bollocking shite!" He slammed the top of the laptop down, shutting the machine off. "Four off the high score. Four! It's Defence Against the Dark Arts, for Christ's sake, and I get killed by a bastarding Cacodemon!" He looked around, and saw the students looking shocked, the professor thunderous. "Um, hi?"

"Potter, get your arse up to the front of the class and prepare to duel!"

Harry leaned in to Hermione, who unconsciously tilted her head to one side, shuddering as Harry's warm breathe breezed down her neck. "Is he talking to himself? That can't be a good sign."

"I think he's talk to you, Harry."

"Nope, he definitely said Potter." He shrugged, and wandered over to the window. "Hmm, looks like there's a storm brewing. Of course, with weather like this, I get the feeling it's closer than I think." With his hands concealed from everyone's view, he tapped the small rune on the underside of his gauntlet, activating his armour's battle mode silently.

Professor James Potter was not, by nature, a placid, quiet man, but a man who believed that action was usually the best policy. Raising his replacement wand at Harry's back, he felt his lip curl in disdain.

_"Stupefy!"_

The red curse shot out from the wand, to splash harmlessly on the ancient castle stones as Harry suddenly ducked, moving faster than normal as he wheeled on Potter, smashing him bodily in the stomach, and then crashing a two-handed blow on the back of the older man's head, watching him fall in to unconsciousness. Harry smiled, and then jumped, landing in the lotus position, sitting on the teacher's desk.

"Now, class, what you have seen here is hubris, the destructive pride the renders rational judgement suspect. This is a double DADA lesson, and I happen to have my mastery. If you'd like, I could maybe impart a morsel of knowledge or two, if you're interested."

The students quickly took their seats, staring at the young man in front of them with awe.

"Okay, then. Now, you've all learnt how to cast _Protego_ as a form of magical defence, but this spell cannot block the Unforgivables. However, through Transfiguration, we learn about conjuration." He gestured with his hand, conjuring a balloon that floated at chest height. "Now, watch what happens when this balloon is hit with the Cruciatus." He aimed his hand at the balloon, and narrowed his eyes. _"Crucio!"_ The balloon exploded outwards as the red blast hit it, everyone jumping with the noise.

"Now, Padma, I want you to conjure a solid wall, right her, as quick as you can."

Harry watched as the girl summoned a wall made of granite, an inch thick, in just over a second. Conjuring a new balloon behind the wall, he aimed at the wall. _"Crucio!"_

This time, the spell shot out and decimated the wall, leaving the balloon bobbing in the displaced air, but still intact.

"As you can see, you can't block the spells with magic. A good old fashioned wall, however, can do the job quite nicely. Personally, I'd recommend marble, as I can tell you now that gravestones make an excellent shield against Avada Kedavra. Now, all of you, I want you to summon the thickest marble wall you can. I'll be throwing bludgeoning hexes at your walls randomly; if they break through, they may wind you a little, but no harm otherwise. I'll call out your name and then launch the hex, while you defend." He looked at them all expectantly; none of them moved. "There's a case of Butterbeer in it for the person who creates the thickest wall quickly." The students all jumped to their feet. House points were well and good, but Butterbeer was Butterbeer.

Harry shook his head in amusement, while cracking his knuckles. _Time to play..._

* * *

"Another Potter. What fun."

"You know, Sevvie, I wonder, what's the more dangerous potion ingredient, Basilisk venom or all that grease that drips from your hair? I mean, what does that stuff do if it goes in to a delicate potion?"

"Ten points from Ravenclaw for cheek to a teacher." Snape used sneer number 4, the 'If I can't punish you, then I'll punish someone you like' sneer.

"Actually, I think you'll find that it should be 'observations to El Greaseball', but, you know, Sevvie, whatever works for you."

"Twenty points from Ravenclaw! I will break you of this arrogance, Potter, if it's the last thing I do."

_It probably will be, you horror movie reject. _Harry looked down at Hermione's bench, where she was chopping dried nettles with a silver dagger. She did not look impressed with 30 points lost in as many seconds, but she didn't really blame Harry; Snape would've taken them from her house anyway. She placed the nettles to one side, and was trying to cut up her sopophorous beans to release their juices. The small beans were possessed of a tough outer skin, which made them difficult to cut.

Harry leaned over and whispered in her ear, "Try crushing it with the flat of the blade." Hermione obeyed, and bean's juices gushed out in a torrent. "Now, add the juice and add a clockwise stir for every seven counter-clockwise."

Wandering round the room, he passed instructions to the Hufflepuff's and Ravenclaws, all of whom looked grateful for the assistance, with no cauldron's suddenly exploding. Snape looked livid.

Harry, though, was having fun, pouring ingredients that he pulled from inside his cloak in to a cauldron, watching it simmer and boil with a careful eye.

"Mr Potter, what do you think you are doing, making unknown concoctions in my Potions lab?"

"Well, firstly, don't call me Potter, as I'm not one, and secondly, I think, and I am, in fact, making unknown concoctions in your Potions lab." He looked innocent for a moment. "Ten points from the faculty for asking a stupid question." He looked at Ernie McMillan at the next bench. "I tell you, making Potions would be so much easier if we didn't have the usual bunch of dunderheads who usually teach."

Snape looked apoplectic, his hand on his wand as if to blast Harry clear across the lab.

"Now, that _would_ be stupid. I mean, it's not like we're sitting here with magically active ingredients directly behind me. If I was to suddenly move, for example, who knows what would happen with that curse."

Snape stalked back to his desk, sitting down and taking out a stack of essays to mark, his eye twitching wildly.

The lesson eventually ended, with all of the students handing in perfect potions to be marked, and they all headed out to the corridor, waiting for the newest honorary Ravenclaw/Hufflepuff (the two houses both considered him 'one of them', and weren't in the mood to fight, as he seemed to be quite happy to be a Badger _and_ a Bird) to join them. Harry ambled up to the front of the empty classroom, placing down his vial on the corner of Snape's desk, as if wanting the potion to be marked. He got as far as the door before Snape called him.

"Potter? Is this your work?"

"Yes, Professor."

Snape looked gleeful. "Be glad you aren't relying on my passing your work. I believe this would be a T." He flicked the vial off of his desk with a quill, watching as it sailed at the floor. As soon as it hit the cold stone, it exploded, releasing a mustard yellow gas that was immediately trapped in Snape's heavy robes, giving off a fearful stench. Looking up through watering eyes, he saw the hated Potter heading down the corridor, accelerating quickly. An overwhelming wave of nausea overtook him, and he fell to his knees, vomiting heavily. _This is not a good day..._

* * *

Hermione leaned against the wall in the entrance courtyard, breathing heavily. Her fellow classmates were all with her, panting and laughing at the same time.

"What was that?"

Harry looked amused, and not in the least bit winded. "That, my dear Hermione, was a pellet of rancid gas in a suspension of glyceryl trinitrate and water."

Ernie looked at Justin, who just shrugged. "What?"

"Dungbomb Dynamite." Harry laughed. "Normal dungbombs just sort of let the smell seep out. The explosives make sure the gas shoots straight upright, nicely all on Snape's robes. My advice? Don't get too close to him at lunch time. I added an enthusiastic helping of garlic to it, so the stench will be nicely absorbed by his skin."

He held a parchment of instructions to make the potion out behind his back, where a pair of red-headed twins walked past, plucking the parchment out of his hand, and placing it inside of their robes.

Harry reached out to Hermione, who shyly took his hand, and smiled at him.

"You know, I think I could get to like school."


	9. That’s Why The Lady Is A Vamp!

– **CHAPTER EIGHT –**

_**And that's why the Lady... Is a Vamp!**_

Hermione leaned back on the couch softly, draping her legs over Harry's lap, gently stroking his hand. The Ravenclaw common room, decked out in blue and bronze, had a relaxed atmosphere. Older Ravenclaws had objected to the presence of Harry, and the other 5th year Hufflepuffs being there, but once they'd sat down and spoken with him, seeing his incredible bond with magic, and the rather poisonous snake wrapped around his arm, they'd relented. Once Harry had explained about Ovo's fetish for snacks that had four legs and impressive ground speed, the Ravenclaw's had relaxed; they had a logical explanation as to why they wouldn't be bitten, so it was okay.

"Seriously, she isn't dangerous. A bit of a flirt, but no danger to you. Arrogant Slytherins or idiotic Gryffindors, on the other hand..."

Justin looked on in part fear, part delight, as Ovo wrapped herself round his neck, her head disappearing down his jumper.

_§Do you think anyone would notice?§_

Harry burst out laughing at the slightly bemused Hufflepuff. "She wants to know if she stays there, would anyone notice that she isn't your school tie?" Everyone laughed as she unwrapped herself from his neck, and slid further down his stomach, emerging from underneath his sweater, winking at Harry.

_§Behold the mighty one-eyed trouser-§_

"Ovo! No!"

Justin's smiled was erased from his face as he looked down in panic. "What?"

Harry just shook his head ruefully. "Never mind. She was just being a very, _very_ rude snake." His snake slithered forward onto the nearby coffee table, coiling for a moment before heading towards Hermione, who lowered her hand casually, allowing the serpent to climb aboard. If it was possible for a snake to smirk, Ovophis would've been a serious contender to knock the mighty Gilderoy Lockhart off of his spot for most charming smile. As he shook his head, he noticed Shari lurking in the corner, playing with a ball of wool. _If playing involved ripping it shreds, that is..._

"Since we had such a good DADA lesson, does anyone want another?"

"Does it involve more Butterbeer?"

"Nope, but I do have a rather enormous slab of Honeydukes finest milk chocolate." He looked at everyone's amazed faces. "I can leave the school at any time, remember? If any one needs anything from Hogsmeade, just let me know, I can nip out and get it for you." The resulting cheers killed any remaining resistance to Harry and the Hufflepuffs being in the Ravenclaw's common room. "Susan, that applies to the Badgers as well. Lions and snakes can fend for themselves."

_§Hey!§_

"Apart from you, obviously." He shook his head. "Anyway, a lesson. This one is going to surprise you. Scare you, probably, but, hopefully, you'll open your eyes and learn something." He placed a large piece of bacon on the coffee table, as well a vial of red liquid.

"Someone name me a light creature. Something that is the epitome of the light."

"A phoenix!"

"Correct." Harry whistled a three-note tune through his teeth, and a flash of fire signalled the arrival of a bird diving at the coffee table. "This is Hedwig." The bird's wings flared open as she slowed her descent, landing gracefully on the table. She placed one talon on the bacon, and used her beak to rip a shred off, placing it on Hermione's knee. Ovo gratefully slid down her arm, swallowing the snack before climbing back up Hermione's bicep.

"Parselmouths are supposedly Dark wizards, and snakes are used in rituals using Dark magic. And yet, you just saw a Phoenix sharing food with a snake." Harry smiled to himself. "They occasionally try and disgust me by sharing a mouse in front of me. They even try and share it _with_ me. Thanks, but I'll stick to food that's been introduced to fire." He chuckled, stroking Hedwig's white plumage.

Shari, ambling round the ankles of everyone sat on the couches, suddenly jumped in to Hannah Abbott's lap, settling comfortably while the blonde started stroking her.

"Ah, there you are, Shari. Flirting again?"

Meow.

Harry's face suddenly schooled itself into a carefully neutral expression. Hedwig bobbed along the table, and rubbed her head against the cat's, before flying on to Harry's shoulder. "So, you've seen a light creature. Think of a Dark creature. Something that has lost its humanity, that's as Dark as can be. Hannah?"

"A vampire?"

"Are you scared of vampires?"

"I don't know. Never met one. Professor Potter says that they're nothing but animals, and given a chance, he'd exterminate them all."

"Good old dad." he murmured under his breath. "And what do you think. Are vampires evil?" He looked around. "Anyone?"

A chorus of 'yes', with only Hermione's, Padma's and Susan's 'no's', floated round, but Harry was staring directly at Hannah. She pondered for a moment, and then shook her head. "I think that they're just like wizards. Some are good, some are bad; it's a matter of their choices."

"But what about their need for blood? They need to find on the living."

She smiled as she shook her head. "I've read the book for this one. They need blood, true, but can feed off of animals."

"So, if I went and found a vampire, and brought it here, you'd not be scared? You'd try to get to know the person before reaching for a sharpened table leg?"

"I would."

"Hermione?"

"Yes."

"Susan?"

"Yep."

"Padma?"

"Indeed."

Harry smiled. "Well then, it would probably interest you to know that you've got a vampire sitting in your lap, Hannah." He gestured to the cat. "Shari?"

The black cat suddenly morphed in to a devastatingly attractive girl, with pale skin and raven-black hair. As she changed shape, she was sitting in Hannah's lap, with one arm around the blonde girl's neck, while Hannah's arms were around the vampire's waist. "Hi." Using her free arm, she scooped up the vial off the table, and drank down the contents. Shari leaned in towards Hannah's ear. "You know, now that you've stroked my kitty, it's only fair that I stroke yours."

Hannah blushed a furious red, but nodded shyly, gently tightening her arms around the paler girl. Shari planted a kiss on the blonde's cheek, and looked around at everyone.

"Behold, a Dark and terrible animal that should be exterminated!" Harry's voice was mocking as he made his proclamation. Hedwig flew from his shoulder to land on Shari's thigh, stroking the bird, one shameless flirt to another. "Shari was 15 years old when she was turned, against her will. That was 72 years ago. She doesn't feed off of humans. That vial contained rabbit's blood. She is not evil. She is not planning to sneak in to your bed, late at night."

Shari leaned in close to Hannah, and whispered in her ear. "Don't be too sure on that." She straightened up again, and looked at the students around her, none of whom looked like they were planning on staking, beheading or burning her. No-one was nervously clutching a crucifix. It was a new experience for her, but one she felt that she could get used to very quickly. "I'm not evil, but if that skinny cat with the red eyes walks past me one more time, she's having it!"

"Mrs. Norris?" Ernie Macmillan looked gleeful. "Help yourself."

"Ernie!"

"Sorry, Hermione, but the blasted cat's a menace. You'll work up an appetite, though; she's a bit quick on the ground."

"Fast food." She smiled, and petted Hedwig some more.

"Harry, about your Phoenix."

"She isn't my Phoenix, Hermione." He looked down to find that she was holding his hand, and gently brushing the back of his knuckles with her thumb. It was... nice. "She's my friend. As are Shari and Ovo."

"But, well, it's just that..." Hermione paused as she tried to figure out the best way to say the next sentence politely. "She looks like an owl."

"She does. She was, originally, an owl. However, she died saving a life, and was allowed to return to this world. It's an interesting story." He paused as everyone suddenly sat down, clutching the bottles of won Butterbeer that Padma had kindly decided to share. "I guess you'd like to hear it."

Hermione gently squeezed his hand. "Please."

"Okay." He took a deep breath, as if centring himself. "As you may have heard in the Great Hall, I'm a Hunter. I've been doing it for a little over 8 years. Basically what we do is find and destroy evil creatures. The ones who've made the choice to be evil. Anyway, about 7 years ago, I was looking for a particularly nasty one..."

_

* * *

Harry crept through the abandoned warehouse softly, his boots making virtually no noise on the old stone floor. He'd learnt a lot in his 9 years of life; never believe you deserve something you haven't earned, always use the bathroom before taking a long journey, sometimes shit just happens, and, oh yeah, never trust a Potter._

_Tracking a Vampire through the heart of Bristol definitely qualified as something he hadn't earned, but as a Hunter, it was something he did, and did well._

_This particular vampire, Merrius Walker, was dangerous, as he'd been a particularly enthusiastic Death Eater before he'd been turned, and his own death and un-life didn't appear to have quenched his own pureblood supremacy ideals. _And yet, he also feeds from Muggles. The irony is palpable._ However, most vampires, while being powerful and ruthless, did not have Walker's potent magic to contend with. Magical vampires were rare, due to the inability of their sire to control them. Worse, though, was that Walker practiced Diablerie, or feeding on other vampires, to gain their power as well as his own. Harry, once he'd beaten enough sense in to people to be taken seriously, had laid down enough galleons to grease a path to his target._

_With his back to the wall, he leaned close to a doorway, overhearing his target._

_"...really think your father will find you in time, Lady Shari? No, you shall be a snack, and using your power, I shall take his. Clan Ventrue shall bow before me."_

_The voice that answered was young, sassy and full of defiance, but sounded weary. "My father will tear you in two."_

_Harry stepped around the corner, kicking open the door, clutching a wooden stake in one hand and a poignard in the other. "I'll help him." He thrust the stake forward, aiming straight at the heart of the vampire. Walker, catching the movement out of the corner of his eye, turned feeling the stake skip off a rib, leaving a trail off fire down his flank, but causing considerable pain._

_"Who are you? Lek'golo, a Hunter," he exclaimed,__ recognising__ the small insignia on the blade. "They must really be desperate if they are sending children."_

_"Well, you know, they save the grown-ups for the really tough jobs. I get all the shit work."_

_"I shall enjoy gutting __you__, whelp." Merrius lunged forward, intent on eviscerating Harry with his razor-sharp talons, only to find his arm in an iron grip. Harry yanked him forwards, snapping a kick straight in his groin._

_"You see, you may be undead, but you still have testicles. And although your heart may have stopped pumping, your pain impulses? Oh, those are working just fine." Harry pointed his hand at the vampire, who was on his knees, looking murderous. Pulling out his wand, Walker shot his most powerful cutting curse straight at Harry, who wasn't prepared for the vampire to recover so quickly._

_A screech and blur of white blocked Harry's view, as Hedwig intercepted the curse aimed at him. An oddly quiet impact and a distressed hoot were the only indication that the curse had hit her, as Harry wheeled on Walker with a murderous look on his face. He held his hand out as he summoned a fireball, the Phoenix Flame, his signature __manoeuvre__, and tossed it at the vampire, who combusted to ash in barely a second. A screech in the air drew his attention back to his owl._

_Harry watched in fear as Hedwig streaked downwards, blood staining her beautiful feathers, to land in an undignified mass on the ground. He rushed over to her, cradling her light body in his arms._

_"No, not like this." He looked in to his familiar's eyes, trying desperately to find a way to save her. "Hold on, Hedwig. There must be a vet near here, or something."_

Do not fear, Harry-wizard. This is not the end. Your journey will continue. How could I expect you to continue without me to bail me out? _Harry smiled slightly through his tears._ When I am gone, consign me to the flame, Harry-wizard. As Fawkes, through flame, gave you access to a new type of life, so you shall be for me._ Her wing twitched feebly as the blood pouring out of her chest wound slowed. _Seek me out, Harry-wizard, for I shall be your new light in the darkness. The sun raises in the East, and so shall I._With a last mournful hoot, Hedwig was still._

_Harry used his fireball to incinerate her body, leaving behind nothing, not even ashes. He stood, wiping his tears away with the back of his hand, and wandered over to the captive girl, who was manacled to the wall. Blood was pouring from dozens of small cuts, marring a pretty face and lithe body._

_He could immediately tell that the girl in front of him was a vampire, but he couldn't sense any dark intent from her at all. _Is she... well... innocent?

_He released her from the heavy shackles, and she fell upon him, the strength and bravery she had shown having exhausted itself, leaving her spent, weary and terrified. She held herself in Harry's arms, tears falling from her eyes like rain. After several minutes, she calmed slightly, brushing her tears away just as Harry had._

_"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have cried on you after your owl... well... you know."_

_Harry smiled sadly. "I don't think that's the last I'll see of her." He raised his hand, and made a small incision in the fleshy part of his palm, watching the blood flow freely. He held his hand towards her. "You look like you need this more than me."_

_She gently took his hand, and began to suckle the fresh blood he was offering. "You knew?"_

_"Of course; I don't go offering flesh wounds to just any one."_

_"I meant before you untied me."_

_"Oh. Yes, I did. I then held you with your face against my neck for several minutes."_

_"Why?"_

_"You looked like you needed it."_

_"But you're a Hunter. Shouldn't you be trying to stake me now?"_

_"Probably."_

_"Are you going to?"_

_"Nope. Wouldn't have fed you if I was planning to stake you." He blushed for a moment. "Besides, I'm 9. I'm too young to be sticking things in girls. I'm Harry, by the way."_

_"Lady Shari Aphrodite__ LeCroix__."_

_"Good manners, regal beauty. You must be Ventrue." She nodded. "Well, my job was to eliminate that__ Tzimitzce__ scum down there. Will you be okay?"_

_"Thanks to you, yes. I owe you a life boon. If you need me, I shall be there. So mote it be." She smiled softly. "And if you could avoid toasting me, that would be a bonus."_

_"I can't do all that much magic. My magical core isn't developed enough for serious combat, and I don't have a wand. A phoenix gift gives me this ability."_

_"You are the most mature 9-year old I have ever encountered."_

_"I've had to grow up in a hurry. I've had some... interesting teachers in magic and ethics."_

_Shari stood, and held out her hand. "You've made a friend this day, Hunter Harry. We shall go and meet my father, and see if you can make more."_

* * *

"A week later, I was in a grimy alley in Merthyr Tydfil, following up on a lead of a hag who was trying to kidnap children. She'd managed to graze me with a stunner, slowing me down. She was about to finish me when a screech, a blur of white and a flash of flame announced the presence of my beautiful saviour here. The hag, unfortunately, found out that Phoenix's are creatures of flame in a rather warm welcome." He stroked the soft downy feathers, watching as Hedwig's amber eyes closed in pleasure. "I'm not sure if it was just the hag, but I know she gives me a _very_ pointed look if I forget her when I'm cooking bacon." He looked at everyone. "Let this be a warning to all Birds and Badgers; if you see a beautiful white Phoenix in the air, then diving, beware; avatar of the Light or not, she's a thieving cow when it comes to sausages and bacon." He smiled, taking the sting out of his words, and he stroked her head.

Hedwig trilled mournfully, and flew upwards towards the windows. _If you're going to tease me, Harry-wizard, then I shall go and amuse myself with Fawkes for a while._

"She'll be back later. Anyway, I made friends with Shari's father and clan, and Hedwig rescued me." He reached out and gently stroked Ovo. "You, on the other hand, just turned up one day and haven't left."

_§If Hedwig hadn't dived on my mouse, then things would've been different.§_

"Hmmm." Harry shook his head and smiled. "So, class, hopefully you've learnt something today; like Light and Dark magic being matters of intent, Light and Dark creatures are a matter of choices." He looked at Hannah, who was gently stroking Shari's back, and realised she'd made a choice that probably surprised herself more than anyone. "Now, since I've just realised that there's no way to reward the lesson I've just tried to teach, I'll pick up some Honeydukes for everyone."

Everyone nodded, and got back to their routine, while Hermione scooted a little closer to him on the couch. She leaned over and planted a kiss on his cheek.

"What was that for?"

"For being you, Harry." She squeezed his hand and leaned against him, finally comfortable with herself at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

* * *

Harry was amusing himself by roller-blading round the Transfiguration courtyard, speeding under the covered walkways, dodging left and right, weaving between students. As he rounded the corner, he saw Hannah Abbott rushing towards him, looking elated and worried.

"Are you okay?"

She nodded, blushes lighting up her cheeks like a lamp.

"I take it you had a good night. I saw Shari as a cat this morning, and she looked like someone's been force-feeding her catnip. Very excited." He didn't think her blush could have increased, but, amazingly, it did. "I don't suppose you know anything about that, do you?"

Hannah squeaked, and was about to run, but Harry gently placed his hand on her arm. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to embarrass you. I've just not seen her this happy before."

"She's wonderful!"

"I know." He paused. "Probably not in the same way as you, mind, but still. So, what's the problem?"

"Last night, I made love to a girl five times my age. And it was incredible. But..." She looked lost.

"You don't know if what you feel is right, since she's a vampire, she's so much older than you, and you didn't know you were gay. Am I right?" She nodded. "I've known Shari for the last 7 years. I've known her inclinations for the last 6. And I know that she doesn't bed-hop, so if she's taken to your bed, then she feels something."

"But I'm not... I mean, I wasn't..."

"Vampires have an incredible sense of smell. They can pick up pheromones and signals that are just beyond us. She wouldn't have sat in your lap if you weren't at least open to the possibility. Are you ashamed of what you did?"

She shook her head forcefully, her pigtails whipping around her face.

"About 70 Ravenclaws and 8 Hufflepuffs saw you last night with a beautiful girl in your arms. Has one of them said something? Have any rumours been flying around at breakfast?" He shook his head. "She's beautiful, smart and caring. Enjoy yourself."

"What about... I..."

"Blood?" She nodded. "You don't have to do anything. For food, she'll find her own. But, if you're willing to share, it can be quite... stimulating. Between me and her, it's purely platonic. Between the two of you? She could probably show you some tricks that'll take your breath away." He hugged the blonde, and held her at arms length. "Look after her, please."

"I will." The blonde kissed him on the cheek and tore off towards her dorm, a smile on her face.

"Harry, you're a good man." Harry looked around behind him to find Hermione leaning against the wall. "She was scared of her reaction to Shari, and what people would say to her. I don't think she is any more."

"That's the thing; she was scared of her reaction, not Shari. They both deserve happiness. If they can find it with each other, then that's good."

She leaned forward and kissed Harry on the lips, before blushing and dashing away from him.

Harry shook his head, and resumed skating. "I'll never understand women..."


	10. Hunting Hogsmeade

– **CHAPTER NINE –**

_**Hunting Hogsmeade**_

After the remarkable Riverdancing cutlery and the coffee cup with a nervous disposition, the entire Ravenclaw table was anxiously awaiting Harry's next mealtime entertainment. _Come to think of it, so am I. Shakespeare by soup spoons, perhaps?_

"There's an attack in Hogsmeade!" A voice shouted. Harry shot up from his chair at the table, and rushed to the door.

"Harry!" Hermione shouted, causing him to stop in his tracks.

"What?" He turned back.

She bit her bottom lip. "Be careful."

He winked at her. "Always." Harry looked up at the faculty. "Get together your troops, old man. I can hold them off, but I'm not invincible."

"Wait!" Dumbledore called out. "It will take several minutes to get our people ready, and get to Hogsmeade."

Harry shook his head, pulling his cloak tighter, and drawing out his large pistol. "I'll be there in twenty seconds." He turned, and ran out of the Great Hall. Dumbledore started to gesture to his staff members.

* * *

The instant Harry passed through the doors of the Great Hall, he tapped the rune on the back of his gauntlet. "Flight mode!" He shouted, hurtling himself into the air at 200 miles per hour. At that speed, he would be in the village in less than thirty seconds.

He checked his pistol, loading the _Reducto_ clip, and cocking the piece. He passed over the edge of the Forbidden Forest, seeing smoke rising from the remnants of homes and businesses.

All too soon, his flight ended, leaving him to sink to the ground amidst the devastation. Immediately, he saw Death Eaters running around, cursing anything. Harry dropped to one knee, and opened fire, sending a wave of _Reducto_ curses at the group, causing them to quickly hide. He rolled forward, dodging a Killing Curse, and dashed behind a water barrel.

Thinking quickly, he changed the clip in his pistol, loading stunners. Several Death Eaters were coming out of hiding, thinking that Harry had vanished. He poked his head around the corner, firing off several rounds, hearing two bodies slump to the floor.

An explosion hex cracked the edge of the building he was hiding behind, causing him to slink back slightly. He spotted an alleyway, and decided to use that to get behind the Death Eaters.

He leaned out again, firing several more stunners, before running for the alley.

* * *

Three more Death Eaters had fallen, and the rest were having problems waking up their fallen comrades. Lucius Malfoy grimaced. "Leave them." He commanded coldly. "When we have completed out work here, we will take them with us."

He gestured to several lower-ranking Death Eaters. "Follow him. Kill him."

* * *

Harry entered the alley, and stopped in his tracks. In the middle of the ground lay a small girl, looking five or six years old. Harry walked forward slowly, kneeling down next to her.

The girl, bleeding in several places, looked up at the newcomer. He was a good-looking boy, staring at her kindly. "I'm cold." She whispered.

* * *

Harry felt his heart go out. This was the reason that he fought. Innocents. People who had done nothing but exist, and were brutally killed. He'd seen injuries like this before. The girl was not long for the world. He reached out, then hesitated. The girl's tiny face was so open and honest... Her baby-blue eyes looking up at him with wonder. She spoke.

"I'm cold."

"You are going into shock." Harry replied softly. He started to stand. "I will call for medical assistance."

The girl reached out, and took his hand. "No... d-don't leave me."

Harry lowered himself back down, and cocked his head. "I won't leave you." He whispered. He looked around the devastation. "Who did this?"

The girl shook her head slightly. "It was... big. Bigger than... you." She didn't know what the hell had caused such grand destruction. She could feel herself slipping away... a pair of arms seemed to be calling her. "I'm gonna die." She saw the scars on his face and neck. "I'm scared."

"Don't be. No-one can hurt you anymore. I promise." He brushed her blonde hair behind her ear and smiled at her, unshed tears blurring his vision as the light behind the girl's eyes went out, leaving Harry holding a corpse. "But I can hurt _them._" He hissed.

At the end of the alley, something bristled. Harry's eyes snapped up, seeing a fully-grown Mountain Troll staring back at him. Harry quickly changed the clip in his pistol, hot tears filling his eyes. He cocked the gun, and stood up, roaring in anger, as bullet after bullet flew at the troll.

The first few rounds banged off its hide, but the next few started to penetrate. Harry stalked forward, still screaming incoherently, as he shot the killing thing that had murdered a child.

With a final grunt, the troll collapsed, twitching in a final mockery of life. Up ahead, he heard the 'pop' of apparating wizards.

He checked his pistol, making sure the clip was full, then stalked ahead. Other people were going to die today.

* * *

Hermione followed the Order members as they left the castle. They rushed on the path to Hogsmeade, not caring if anyone was following them. As she passed the edge of the Forbidden Forest, Hermione saw smoke rising from ahead.

She could hear incoherent shouting, and the sharp crack of a gun. Since she only knew of one wizard who used a gun, it was obvious to her that Harry was still alive and fighting.

The Order waded into the battle, throwing curses at any Death Eater they could see. Hermione stood at the end of the High Street, before launching several curses of her own. Three Death Eaters saw her stood alone, and shot the Killing Curse at her. Without thinking, she dropped to the ground, breathing in silent relief as the curses passed over her head.

Several shots rang out, causing the Death Eaters to retreat and hide. Hermione looked up, to see Harry stood over her, his pistol raised. He held out a hand to her. "Come with me if you want to live."

She nodded fearfully, and took his hand. The instant it made contact, Harry apparated them into the Three Broomsticks, where he pushed her behind the counter. Several people were crowded behind the bar. Harry gestured wildly at them. "Protect them."

He turned and Disapparated away. "Protect _them_." Hermione muttered to herself. "Who the hell's gonna protect _me_?"

* * *

Harry reappeared in his former spot, his pistol still raised. A good number of the Death Eaters saw him, and stood up.

"Come quietly, or there will be... trouble."

Lucius Malfoy sneered behind his Death Eater mask. "I think not." He looked at his comrades. "Kill him!"

A number of bright green curses flew his way. Harry Disapparated three feet to his left, watching as the curses sailed past him. He strode forward, dodging the odd curse, and opened fire. Round after round flew towards the Death Eaters, knocking them out of the fight. For the most part, Harry aimed at legs and shoulders, enough to take them out of the fight, but not enough to kill.

The Order members saw him marching down the street, and used his actions as a distraction, so they could move to better positions and take out more Death Eaters.

Malfoy felt three rounds impact savagely with his legs, and another two in his left shoulder. He dropped his emergency Portkey, and collapsed onto his back

Harry calmly approached, apparating a few feet at a time, dodging the Killing Curses from the remaining Death Eaters. He stood over Malfoy, a blank expression on his face. Malfoy struggled to raise his wand.

"Drop it." Harry said, his voice as cold as ice. "Dead or alive, you're coming with me."

Malfoy ignored the warning, and tried to aim his wand. "_Avada_-"

A single shot rang out, destroying Malfoy's wand, and blowing a chunk the size of a Galleon into his palm.

Harry ejected the clip of bullets from his gun, placed it back into his cloak, pulled out the purple clip, and reloaded his gun. He cocked it, and fired directly at Malfoy's face. The stunner knocked him out. Harry turned, and started shooting stunning curses into the Death Eaters he'd already shot. The moaning died down, as more and more Death Eaters were rendered unconscious.

* * *

Rudolphus Lestrange was one of the few Death Eaters left. The rest of his comrades had been stunned by the Hunter, and it was obvious to him that they wouldn't be getting up. It left him with a choice. Face a torture session with the Dark Lord, or stay and be arrested by the Ministry, and get sent back to Azkaban.

"Retreat!" He shouted, activating his emergency Portkey. The six remaining Death Eaters followed his order, and vanished.

* * *

Harry saw Dumbledore approaching. _So not in the mood for this, right now._ He apparated directly into the Three Broomsticks, and headed for the bar. Hermione looked up to see Harry approached, and came out from behind the bar, and grasped him in a tight hug.

"Thank you." She whispered, reaching up to kiss his cheek.

"You're welcome." He whispered back. He tapped on the bar. "Rosey, I've had a terrible day. Any chance of a drink?"

Madam Rosmerta stood up, and looked around. The pub was in fine shape, ready to open for business. She nodded shakily at him. "Is it over?"

"It is." Harry confirmed.

Rosmerta pulled a bottle of vintage FireWhiskey off the shelf, and handed it to him. "Compliments of the management." She said.

Harry grinned, and took the bottle. "Ta muchly." He said, jabbing the bottle into a pocket. "I'll be heading back up to the school, then." He reached for Hermione's hand. "Coming?"

She nodded, and shyly took his hand. The two turned, and walked out of the bar.

* * *

It was several hours later, during the evening meal, when Dumbledore caught up with Harry. Harry was three-quarters of the way through the bottle of whiskey, and was entertaining the Ravenclaw students with a variety of dirty jokes while the Hufflepuffs listened in, some of the enterprising ones making notes. For a few moments, Dumbledore was tempted to make a list of them himself, but paused. He could always confiscate the parchments later if he forgot them himself.

"Harry, do you have a moment?" He asked.

Harry looked up. "For you, Headmaster, I could probably find two. What's up?"

"I meant in private." Dumbledore said, raising his arm, and gesturing towards the doors.

"Oh. No." Harry said, turning back to the waiting students. "So, anyway, the milkman, he starts spluttering and says 'erm, no, vicar, _that's_ a turd!" He cracked up laughing, while most of the two tables joined him. Hermione was desperately trying to look stern, but the tears gathering at her eyes betrayed her.

"Harry, I must insist." Dumbledore said, his voice filled with cool authority.

Harry stood up, and staggered slightly. "Why?" He whined. "What do you want?"

Dumbledore tried to keep his calm. "Would you care to explain why 33 people are currently in St. Mungo's, suffering from bullet wounds?"

Harry stared at him for a moment, before shrugging. "Uh... because I shot at them and they're really poor at ducking or hiding behind stuff?"

"Mr. Potter, you cannot simply go around shooting people!" Dumbledore said sharply. "It is not your place to act as judge, jury and executioner! We have laws regarding prisoners. That doesn't include torturing them."

Harry looked blankly at him for a moment. "If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't have 33 Death Eaters in custody. Not a single one of them has died. I don't really see what the problem is."

"You don't see what the problem is?" Dumbledore repeated, looking aghast. "Mr. Potter, it is against the law to go around shooting people! Can't you understand that this kind of behaviour leads to the dark side?"

Harry sniggered. "Sorry, Yoda." Several Muggleborns sniggered at the Star Wars reference.

"This is not a laughing matter!" Dumbledore roared. "I could have you in Azkaban for the injuries that you inflicted! You have no sense of responsibility!"

Harry sobered up instantly. _Bloody good FireWhiskey, and I have to lose that delightful glow for this?_ He glared at Dumbledore. "So... you'd rather have a large number of dead people in Hogsmeade rather than a bunch of injured Death Eaters in St. Mungo's?" He nodded to himself. "Right. Since I'm obviously such a danger, I'll be leaving." He turned to Hermione. "I'll be in touch."

He turned, and started to walk out of the Great Hall.

"Stop right there!" Dumbledore commanded. "I'm taking you into custody for the safety of everybody."

Harry stopped, and turned round slowly. "We discussed your attempts to control me, old man. They didn't work last time. They won't work this time." He drew his power into himself, and everybody could feel it crackling in the air. "Do not forget your place." He reached out with his Legilimency, and quickly found what he wanted to know. _Crafty bastard. And the worst thing is, I just know Fudge would be tingling 'down there' to grant it._

"So... you think that you can get me arrested, and then paroled to you." He said. It was not a question.

Dumbledore nodded slowly. _How the hell does he know that?_ "You're a danger to yourself and everyone else, Mr. Potter. If you're in my custody, I can steer you towards the light, instead of the dark path you seem to be following."

"You mean you want to control the true Chosen One, don't you?" Harry asked. "You want to make sure that I'll follow your ideals and fight for you alone. I can read you like a book, Dumbledore." He let his aura flare for a moment. "You don't want me as your enemy."

Dumbledore raised the Elder Wand. "And you don't want me as yours, Mr. Potter." He said firmly.

"I've made that abundantly clear." Harry retorted. "In fact, I've made it abundantly clear I want nothing to do with you. But, you can't quite seem to let that go."

"What I do, I do for the greater good, child." Dumbledore said patronisingly. "In time, you will come to see that."

"The greater good of _who_, Albus?" Harry asked, subtly reaching into his cloak. "Who are you to decide the greater good?"

"I am the leader of the light, Mr. Potter, and I've-" Dumbledore began.

"Stop calling me 'Potter'!" Harry roared. "I'm sick of fucking telling you! You do not control me. Those degenerate retards who created me do not control me." He sneered at the elder Potters at the Head Table. "_I_ control me. My life is my own. My destiny is my own. You want me to save the Wizarding world. Why should I? Your Order tries to control me, my 'parents' abandoned me, your snakes despise me for being half-blood, your lions completely buy in to the legendary screw ups of Bobbins, the Boy Blunder over there. You want to know who it is I'd fight for? The group I'd lay my life on the line for?"

Hermione shot to her feet, barely beating Hannah Abbott from the Hufflepuff table. Padma Patil and Susan Bones were on their feet seconds later, forming a solid phalanx of witch between the two wizards. The sound of dropping cutlery alerted the hall to the fact that the majority of the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws had joined their fellow students. "We are." She stood proudly, then rolled her eyes. "Harry, stop it."

Harry stopped pulling stupid faces at Dumbledore, wondering just how the hell Hermione knew he was pulling his 'constipated gargoyle in mental distress face' when she had her back to him.

"Have any of you tried just talking to Harry? Getting to know him as a person? Or do you just see a weapon that you need to control?"

"Weapon!"

"Harry, please, let us handle this."

"Sorry."

"You will all sit down at your tables, or you will all have detention, and I can guarantee that neither Hufflepuff nor Ravenclaw will win the House Cup this year."

"Sorry, Headmaster, but some things are more important."

"Pad?" Everyone looked across the hall at Parvati Patil, who has staring at her sister. "You vouch for him?"

"I do."

Parvati stood up, and joined the other students, Lavender Brown following her with Neville Longbottom bringing up the rear.

"Not all Gryffindors worship at the temple of the Mighty Andrew Potter. Some of us are really rather decent."

Harry found himself shaking Neville's hand, a firm and powerful grip, which seemed at odds with his shy exterior. Other Gryffindor's wandered over, joining the group that was forming a shield between Harry and the Professors.

Blaise Zabini and Daphne Greengrass stood from the Slytherin table, heading towards the group, when Draco Malfoy stood up, grasping Daphne's upper arm hard, yanking her back. "How dare you? When our lord-"

"Screw you, Malfoy!" Daphne's knee slammed home in to Draco's groin, eliciting a small 'eep' as he collapsed to the ground. "Of course, I don't know what with now." She stepped over the groaning figure, and walked up to Harry, who was looking stunned. "What? We're ambitious, not stupid. Not all Slytherins are Death Eaters."

"And _real_ Boys-Who-Lived aren't afraid of asking for help, or receiving it."

"So you see, Professor, Harry has all of the motivation he needs to stay in the light. He has friends."

"Many years ago, Miss Granger, I witnessed another student, who was powerful and motivated. He, too, had a large group of followers willing to obey his commands. He, too, believed that his way was the right way."

"You can't be serious!" Harry sidled his way through the crowd, rubbing his hand down Hermione's back and bum before gently moving her to one side. "You're comparing me to Voldemort? We're nothing alike. He was abandoned, forced to survive in an Orphanage. Wait, I was abandoned." He looked like he was searching his memory. "He was a Parselmouth! Oh, hang on. That's not doing me any favours, either." He smiled suddenly. "He wasn't able to have friends or girlfriends. I, on the other hand, most certainly do." He turned to Hermione, taking her in his arms, and kissing her thoroughly. He ignored the sighs coming from the crowd, as the quiet bookworm in his arms revealed herself to have a passionate side that ran deep and was overjoyed at being released. He broke the kiss just before oxygen depravation caused a loss of consciousness, and smiled at her. "A kiss like that is a cardiovascular workout." He shook his head as if to clear cobwebs. "Would you like to be my girlfriend?"

"Ham-a-neh..."

Harry looked amused at her flustered look. "Hermione?"

"Ham-eh..."

"Just nod or shake your head, then." She nodded, and a huge grin erupted on to her face.

"Oh, goody. The Mudblood's pulled."

Harry's arm shot out towards his twin, using a levitation charm to pick him up and float him across the table, until he was suspended in front of him, dangling 3 feet from the ground. "You know, it's funny. I could've sworn that you just said something, but due to my hearing loss after listening to Dumbledore drone on, I think I missed it. So, if you're be so kind as to repeat your last statement."

Andrew spat on Harry, sneering as the spittle slowly dripped from his brow. "I said, 'oh, goody, the Mudblood's pulled.' Is that better?"

Harry yanked a napkin off the table, and cleaned the spittle from his face. "Yep, that's pretty much what I thought you said." He looked over his shoulder. "Daphne, could you do me a favour?"

"Sure."

"Thanks. _Petrificus Totalus_!" Andrew's arms snapped to his sides as the Body-Bind hit him, leaving him helpless. Harry levitated him over to Daphne, whose knee made an encore, crashing firmly home in Andrew's groin. Unable to flinch or open his mouth, he made a high-pitched squeal, and collapsed backwards.

"Hmm, stiff as a board. Make the most of it, 'brother', I think this is the stiffest you're going to be in a long time." He winked, and turned to face Ginny Weasley. "Sorry, Red, but it looks like you'll be needing a vibrating charm on the wand tonight." She narrowed her eyes, but, to Harry's unease, it wasn't anger or hatred; it was a look of rather intense lust. _Why do I feel like I'm going to be hit on soon?_

"Oh, look at the time. Sorry, Dumbledore, but, you know, I've got that appointment at that place for the... er... the thing. Hate to be late." He sat down and rubbed his hands over his shoes, transfiguring them in to roller blades. Standing up, he kissed Hermione, and skated out of the Great Hall, leaving behind stunned teachers, proud students, and winded arrogant bastards.

Dumbledore placed his wand back in his sleeve, and headed back to his office. He stopped James Potter, who was rushing to his son with a look of concern on his face. "James, I think it's time for more extreme methods to control you son.

"I think I have an idea."


	11. Greater Good of Who?

– **CHAPTER TEN –**

_**The Greater Good of Who?**_

"Severus, we have need of your particular skills." Dumbledore looked at the Potions Professor with a knowing look. "We need to find a way to make young Mr. Potter a little more receptive to suitable influences."

"What sort of influences?" Snape looked up as someone knocked on Dumbledore's door, and then walked in. "Ah. That sort."

"You asked to see me, Professor?" Ginny Weasley stood in front of the large desk, her hands wringing nervously behind her back.

"Ah, Miss Weasley, thank you for coming. I've noticed recently that your relationship with Mr. Potter seems to be going through a rough patch. Is everything okay?"

"Erm, honestly, Professor, no, it's not. Andrew's been a little... off, with people lately."

"Indeed? What seems to be the problem?"

"Harry."

"I see."

"Drew feels that everyone's calling him the Bow-Who-Lived-A-Lie. He's become a total arse with people, snapping and yelling at them. He called me a 'glory-chasing piece of tail' after that debacle in the Great Hall last night, and then told me to... erm... go away." She certainly wouldn't tell the Headmaster exactly what he'd told her to do. "He's always been proud and just a little arrogant, but he could be caring and sweet. Now? Not so caring and sweet."

"Do you think that you will be able to reconcile?"

"No, sir. Last night he made it _crystal_ clear that he won't be wanting my presence around him."

Dumbledore pointed his wand at Ginny under the desk, hitting her with a strong compulsion charm. "Perhaps, then, you'd prefer to focus your attention on Harry? He needs someone to show him affection and family, since he has been deprived of that by the machinations of his former family. The Weasleys have ever been staunch supporters of family values and the Light." His hand tightened around his wand under the desk, choosing his next words with care, as he was planning to lace certain words with subliminal prompts, pointing Ginny in the correct direction. "Don't _**you want Harry to **_know the kind of _**love you**_ and your family could _**unconditionally**_ provide? I'm sure that, even without young Ronald, _**you **_and your family _**will do anything**_ in your power _**to achieve this**_. After all, _**there are no limits**_ in family."

Ginny nodded, the cues firmly implanted in her subconscious, while her conscious mind decided to offer Harry unconditional friendship, welcoming him back to the Wizarding world. She smiled at the Headmaster.

"Thank you, Miss Weasley. You may go." She nodded again, and left the office, smiling happily.

Snape watched her leave. "If manipulating people was an art form, we'd call you da Vinci."

"Severus, please. I am merely attempting to ensure that young Mr. Potter does not do any more foolish actions like yesterday. It is for the greater good."

"And my part in this?"

"The greater good may require a small bottle of Amortentia being gifted to Miss Weasley to assist her in her valiant and noble work."

"You know, if anyone discovers this, I dread to think which would be more terrible in their retribution: the Potter brat or Molly Weasley."

"Severus, you worry too much. Please, let me know when you have brewed the potion." He nodded, clearly dismissing the man.

As Snape travelled down the moving staircase, he found himself muttering under his breath. "Of course I worry. You're not the one who's doing the brewing."

* * *

"You know, it's bigger than I thought."

"Padma, you really know how to compliment a guy, you know?" Harry's quip made the Indian girl flush, her skin going slightly darker, as she tried to stammer something intelligent in reply. "I'm just teasing. Haven't you seen a wizard's tent before?" She shook her head. "It's a lot larger on the inside than it is on the outside. Outside, it looks like a small two-man tent. Inside, it's got a kitchen, four bedrooms, an en-suite and main bathroom, a dining room and a really comfortable den. It looks big enough for two; how did you think I was going to fit in..." He paused while doing a quick headcount. "...sixteen?"

Hermione looked around nervously. "Harry, are you sure we're safe here? This is called the 'Forbidden' Forest for a reason, you know."

"Hermione, do you honestly think I'd allow any harm to come to you? Or any of you?" He gestured at the dark and forbidding trees around him. "We're perfectly safe. I've been here before, remember. The creatures of the forest know me. Evil creatures know to avoid me. Neutral and good creatures assist me, as I assist them. I found a unicorn four years ago. A creature was stalking and killing them, drinking their blood. Me and some others drove it off and healed the unicorn. Taking blood from a unicorn will keep you alive even if you are an inch from death, but give you a half-life. The unicorn, though, gave me the gift of some of his blood; I collected a phial full, and healed him. Now, if I ever need help from a unicorn, I just call for Spirit, and if he is not busy, he'll come to me."

"What do you use unicorn blood for, if it gives you a half-life?"

"That's if it's forcibly taken. If given freely, it can heal the most grievous wounds and bring back someone from the very brink of death." He patted the chest piece of his armour. "It's here, in an unbreakable vial. A series of injury alarm charms make sure it isn't used unless I'm severely injured _and_ unconscious; then, it'll use a specific spell to insert it straight in to my oesophagus. No idea if it'll work, but it might, and that's good enough for me."

"What about... erm... spiders?"

"Are you arachnophobic, Justin?" He nodded fearfully. "Would you mind if I tried to cure you of it?"

"How?"

"There are Acromantulas in this forest; a whole colony of them. They do not attack humans, out of respect for Hagrid, and me. They feel they owe me a life-debt for slaying their mortal enemy, the Basilisk in your second year. If I arrange a meeting with their Alpha, would you come with me? If nothing else, think of it as extra credit assignment for those of you studying Care of Magical Creatures. Or just a quest for knowledge."

Justin was prepared to just dismiss this straight out of hand; he'd heard from Hagrid that Acromantulas were dog-sized spiders that could move at great speed and were carnivorous. However, over the past week, he'd learnt that his Headmaster was a meddling old man, that vampires weren't hell-bent on humanity's destruction and had a fairly good chance at blocking an Unforgivable. "If you think I'll be okay." He stammered.

"Well, let's ask." He paused, looking at the assembled teens. "You might want to put your hands over your ears." He put his index and little fingers in his mouth, and emitted an ear-piercing whistle that echoed through the forest, a high-pitched and oscillating sound that lasted for twelve seconds. "I've just asked for an Acromantula to come here. There'll probably be a second one hiding in the trees watching, they watch out for each other."

A snapping of branches announced the arrival of the spider, which stopped at the edge of the clearing, looking at the human.

"Ah, it's Brizzit." He looked directly upwards at the canopy above the clearing. "Hello, Slume. You can come down, now." He whistled again, and the massive spider slowly descended on a strand of silk. A series of high-pitched whistles from Harry and clicks from the spiders followed, while the other Hogwarts students had no idea what was going on. The whistle suddenly changed pitched, and Brizzit slowly approach Justin, who looked terrified.

"Kneel down, Justin. Brizzit is approaching you so that you can see him properly." Justin nodded and fell to his knees, looking for all the world that he could be somewhere else. _But he isn't running or a gibbering wreck. He's better than the Weasel._

The spider slowly extended one leg to Justin, who suddenly reached out and shook the offered limb carefully. "Hi. I'm Justin Finch-Fletchley. Please don't take this the wrong way, but I'm scared to death of you." A series of clicks followed from the Acromantula.

"He says that you have his respect. He can tell you are afraid, but you also touched him, and you haven't fled."

Justin looked the spider in the eyes; he had plenty to choose from. "You can understand me? Why the whistles, then?" Another, longer series of clicks followed.

"Yes, he can understand you, and he is impressed that you directed the question to him. As for the whistles, well, that just makes it easier. Spiders don't have ears, they can't hear sounds, but they can feel vibrations in the hairs all along their bodies. We're nearly a mile away from the Acromantula colony; they wouldn't have heard me if I'd shouted, but high frequency sounds like a whistle will carry." Brizzit clicked once more. "He'll go and request a meeting with Aragog. He'll be back tomorrow morning."

Justin reached out his hand, and the spider placed a leg in the offered hand. A final series of clicks, and the two spiders sped out of the clearing. "What was the final click?"

"He said that you honour your clan by being able to set aside your fear." Harry walked over to the boy and clapped him on the shoulder. "Well done, Justin!"

Harry pointed his hand at the ground, mentally conjuring a ring of stones and a large pile of wood. A quick _Incendio_ later, and a roaring fire was warming and lighting up the darkening clearing. He conjured some logs around the fire to act as seats, and sat down. "Well, boys and girls, you've got two choices; you can go back to school for dinner, or I can cook for you."

"You can cook?" Mandy Brocklehurst looked surprised; being muggleborn, she had watched for years as her father had avoided the kitchen because it contained a slavering, evil beast; a gas cooker. In her experience, boys didn't cook, they watched Liverpool FC on the TV and left it to the 'womenfolk'.

"Sure. You've choices with that, too. I can either go hunting in the forest, bringing back fresh meat to cook. Me man! Cook meat on fire! Fire good!" He said in a perfect rendition of Cro-Magnon man. "Or, I've got some food in the fridge, and a rather nice range cooker in the kitchen. I could probably whip up something good."

The unanimous consensus from the group was that Harry cooked from his kitchen. He didn't blame them; they were just getting used to being in the forest, having Harry hunt down and kill dinner might be a bit too much.

Harry started cooking steaks, wrapping potatoes in foil and placing them in the merrily-blazing fire, while getting out several stone bottles.

"Now, I know you're all between 15 and 16, but I think you might enjoy this. It's not butterbeer, it actually has alcohol in it, but it's not going to get you hammered, I don't have enough for that." He conjured sixteen glasses, and opened one of stone bottles, pouring out glasses full of a deep green liquid.

Hermione looked sceptical. "What is it?"

"Centaurian Ale. Believe me, it's pretty good." He took a deep draft, savouring the slightly spicy liquid. "I tell you, if the centaurs ever decided to try and rival butterbeer, I think they'd win. Hands down." Everyone drank deeply, enjoying the flavour, then feeling a pleasant tingle throughout their bodies. In short order, everyone was sitting round the fire, eating steak and jacket potatoes on white enamel-covered metal plates, drinking their ale out of tin cups. Harry felt a sing-a-long would improve things.

"Mary had a little lamb, and she had a duck, she put them on the mantelpiece, to see if they would..."

"Harry!"

"...fall down. What?"

A rustling in the trees indicated that someone was approaching. Harry jumped to his feet, downing his ale quickly. A hand reached out and moved a branch, revealing a redheaded figure walking forward. A centaur.

"I bid you welcome and offer sanctuary, Master Centaur."

"I bid you welcome and accept sanctuary, Master Hunter."

The two reached out and held each other's forearms, a gesture of respect in the magical world since the time of the Romans.

"It's good to see you, Firenze."

"And you, Harry. Mars is bright, tonight."

"While Jupiter ascends and Pluto moves in to alignment. I would imagine that you see the same thing I do."

"Conflict is coming. A leader approaches and death walks among us." Firenze looked at the human foal in front of him, who was respected among all centaurs. "The herd is nervous. As am I."

"And I can think of only one thing that will make it better. Something that would soothe your nerves and reassure you about the world. Now, pay attention, because this is important; would you like a steak?"

"A what?"

"A steak. We've got some jacket potatoes and a bottle or two of that Centaurian ale you gave me. Life looks easier with a full stomach." The centaur entered the clearing fully and knelt down in front of the fire. "Oh, I'm sorry. Firenze, these are my friends." He introduced everyone, and the humans looked at him in awe, while greeting him warmly.

"You have apprentices, Harry?"

"What? No, they're my friends."

"And yet they do not have the prejudices of wizards. They see four legs and do not immediately assume that I am a common mule. They appear to be learning the lesson you are not even aware you are teaching."

Harry shrugged, then stiffened as he heard a faint sound, aimed at him. He stood up, walked over to where Hannah was sitting, and took the empty plate from her grasp, placing it on the ground out of her way.

"Erm, thanks, Harry." She said in some confusion.

"Don't thank me just yet." Suddenly, a black cat shot in to the clearing at breakneck speed, swerving to avoid the fire before pouncing, changing mid-leap in to Shari, who bowled Hannah over and was suddenly lying on top of her, kissing her passionately. Hannah, although startled, quickly recovered, running her hands down the vampire's back. "Now, you can thank me."

Hannah's hand stopped rubbing Shari's back just long enough to give Harry a thumbs up, before wrapping back around the girl. Harry shook his head. "Get a room."

"Can we?" The girlish hope in Shari's voice amused Harry.

"Of course you can."

The two girls leapt up, diving in to the tent and in to the first bedroom they could find which was, unfortunately, Harry's. He walked up to the mouth of the tent, lifted one of the flaps, and shouted in. "Silencing charm." He dropped the flap and turned to face the others when a soft moan was heard. "I mean it!" When a muttered 'oh, God, I've missed you' drifted through the opening, Harry stuck his upper torso in the tent, casting a quick _Calloportus_ and _Silencio_. His inner Harry suddenly felt a lot more relaxed.

"As you see, Harry, a mortal and an immortal, together, and nobody here has said anything. Truly, they are learning the lessons that you teach."

"I've never really thought about it. Do any of you have a problem with those two?"

"Only that I wish Hannah would learn the Silencing charm." Susan muttered.

The rest of the evening was spent telling stories, jokes and having a good time, the students all bonding, ignoring their different houses and bloodlines, simply enjoying the beautiful evening with good food, good drink and good company.

"Well, guys, I'm getting pretty tired. Do you want to go back to the dorms, or stay here? I've got beds, couches, chairs, sleeping bags all sorts. There's room enough for everyone."

"I, too, shall take my leave." Firenze paused, about to utter words he never thought he'd say. "It was a pleasure to meet you all." The centaur shook hands, clapped shoulders, and even felt Lavender press a kiss on his cheek, before she blushed wildly and looked away. Smiling, Firenze ambled back in to the forest.

"Lavender kissed the centaur, Lavender kissed the centaur." Parvati started singing, laughing as Lavender's blush got even bigger.

"He's a brave and honourable person, Lavender. He's also over 200 years old." She just shook her head, not wanting to say anything about the dishy man.

The groups moved in to the tent, Harry pouncing on the big leather Barcalounger, Hermione joining him by sitting on his lap. The small amount of ale she had drunk had lowered her inhibitions enough to start showing a little more affection than she would've done in the castle. She placed her arms round his neck, and kissed him, softly caressing his lips with hers.

"Can the two of us stay like this all night?" She asked nervously.

Harry smiled at her, a warm smile, as he reached down one hand, pulling a lever so that the back of the chair lowered, so they were almost horizontal. "Terry, can you pass us that blanket?" Comfortably cuddled together, Harry pointed out the bathroom to his guests, leaving them to sort themselves out. As he breathed deeply in the scent of the now-sleeping Hermione, he relaxed. He'd had a good day, and tomorrow would be fun; meet the Alpha of the Acromantulas, and deal with the wrath of Dumbledore. _That'll be fun! Wonder if I could introduce the old man to Aragog. He likes fresh meat, but perhaps some slightly tough older meat would do._ Harry laughed as his last thought of the day before welcome sleep claimed him.

* * *

"You are certain of this?"

"Indeed, my lord. My son has seen the both of them. It appears that the Potters lied when they told the world that the other twin died. Harry is the real Boy-Who-Lived."

"This news displeases me, Lucius. Do you know why?"

Lucius Malfoy had survived for many years due to his superb ability to bow and scrape in this inhuman monster's presence, an ability and skill he was currently practicing like a champion. "No, my lord."

"It means that my resurrection wasn't completed to my liking. The magic that reflected my curse was presumed to be a charm or protection ritual that was negated by using Potter's blood. Now I see that it is based on Old Magic, young Harry, even at the age of one, placing himself in front of a Killing Curse for his brother. Selfless, it appears, and most potent. Wormtail!" Voldemort paced slightly as the small, rotund man bustled in. _"Crucio!"_ The red curse staggered the human rat, who bucked and screamed and mindless agonies ripped through him. "The reunification of the Potters does not please me."

"My lord, the Potters are not unified. The reports of Harry's death followed because they were cruel and abusive to him, and he ran away from them. They didn't bother to search for him, they just disowned him and declared him dead. He is now just Harry, not even a Potter." Severus Snape's voice was sneering, indicating his lack of affection for his hated nemesis, James Potter. "Harry has already put James Potter in to the Hospital Wing, has destroyed Potter's wand, and has resisted Dumbledore's attempts to gain control of the boy."

"Indeed, Fudge told me, barely two hours ago, about how Dumbledore and Potter Senior tried to gain control of Harry which lead to a running firefight through Diagon Alley. The boy has demonstrated some unusual and powerful abilities."

"It is more severe than Lucius states, my lord. The boy is a Hunter. From what the werewolf and Dumbledore tell me, he is described as _the_ Hunter."

"A Hunter? We shall offer a truce and a parlay. If the boy joins me, together, we shall be unstoppable. If he doesn't, then I'm sure that the werewolves and the vampires would be quite pleased to get their hands on a Hunter." Voldemort looked at Snape. "Will he join me, Severus?"

"I do not know, my lord. His politics and beliefs are unknown at this point. I would recommend, though, being completely open and honest with the boy, and not trying to coerce him in to anything." Voldemort's wand was suddenly pointed at the greasy-haired man, aiming straight in to his face. "My lord, I meant no disrespect. In all of his dealings with Dumbledore, every attempt to subvert or control him has been met with an immediate vigorous and violent response. He disabled most of the Order of the Phoenix in less than five seconds, before they'd even begun their attempts to subdue him. He is resistant to Legilimency and compulsion charms. He also has managed to unite two of the houses in Hogwarts completely; both the Hufflepuffs and the Ravenclaws are behind him totally, and he has allies among the Slytherins and Gryffindors."

"Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws? Squibs and intellectuals. They are no threat."

Bellatrix Lestrange intervened at this point. "My lord, a volley of Reducto curses from a collection of Hufflepuffs would do as much damage as a volley from Death Eaters. Two full houses as allies would constitute a potent force."

"Even worse, my lord, is that a lot of the Lycans won't fight for you against the Hunter, if it's who I'm thinking of."

"Explain, Greyback."

"The Hunter is a Lycan's bogeyman. A mere boy capable of fighting and defeating dark wolves. If a Lycan is firmly for the Light, he is protected and helped. If he follows other philosophies, he is quickly and terminally dealt with. It's the same with the bloodsuckers. At least four of the thirteen clans are friendly with him. He is dangerous."

"And thus, a perfect ally. With him on my side, none shall oppose me. Lucius, arrange for your son to extend a formal offer of parlay. Dumbledore will soon be destroyed."

* * *

Harry awoke suddenly due to an odd tickling sensation under his chin, to find his arms full of Hermione, who was snoring gently against his neck. He squeezed her gently, and she responded by kissing his neck softly, still asleep.

He didn't want to admit, even to himself, that he found her enthralling, or that he was falling for her big time. _Even when she's snoring, she's still adorable. _Harry had wanted to meet her ever since his appointment at the Granger's dental surgery last year, when he'd had one of his wisdom teeth removed. While sitting in the chair, Dr. Emma Granger had noticed the runes on his left vambrace, and commented on the similarity with something her daughter was studying at a private school. While Harry deplored Legilimency as an art, as it was mental invasion, picking up a subtle surface thought was different. He was glad, too. It had led him to this point.

_"Harry Hunter?"_

_Harry got out of his chair in the waiting room, putting down a copy of What Car from February 1992, and wandered in to the surgery, to see a woman dressed all in white, her wavy brown hair barely tamed under the surgical cap. Behind her, a man, also in white, was sorting out a variety of silver instruments that would've looked quite at home in a fourteenth century dungeon. She gestured at the large black leather chair in the middle of the room. "Please, take a seat."_

_He settled in to the chair, leaning back, placing his hands on the chair's arms._

_"Now, I understand that you've got a wisdom tooth that's coming through. Let's have a look, then." Harry opened his mouth wide, and Emma leaned in closer, peering at the offending tooth. "Ah, yes, I can see it. Very inflamed and tender. Not sure if it can be removed. This might sting a bit." She gently prodded the soft gum tissue with a pick, and Harry flinched, gripping the arms of the chair. As he did so, his sleeves slid up, revealing black leather armbands around his forearms. Etched in to the leather were symbols that she recognised from Hermione's homework over the summer. "Nice leather." She placed three cotton wads in to the side of his cheek, taking away all moisture. "Harry, I can remove this tooth, but you'll need to be sedated. You'll simply go to sleep here, and wake up in a few hours with no memory."_

_Harry shook his head quickly, barely refraining from spitting out the cotton. "'ocal."_

_"I could remove it under local anaesthetic, but that won't be enough to deaden the pain completely. It'll hurt like hell."_

_"I'll 'ope."_

_"Okay. Dan, can you get me a local and a number two drill bit?" He husband nodded and moved to get the equipment. "This will take some time. I'll need to cut open the gum, pin it back and drill in to the bone to loosen the roots enough for extraction. I'll need you to bite on this." She pulled a plastic lump that looked like two mouth guards glued together to form a large V, opening his mouth wide. "I assure you, Mr. Hunter, this _will_ hurt considerably. We don't have another appointment for an hour; we could easily sedate you and save you the pain."_

_"'oo hor hurst. An' it's 'arry."_

_"Oh, Harry. We're dentists." She flicked the drill on for a moment, wiggling her eyebrows. "I don't think you'd like our worst." She laughed prettily, and placed the drill down, picking up a syringe. "Okay, Harry, just one little prick, and then you'll feel nothing."_

_"I 'et oo say that to all the 'oys." He flinched as the needle slid in to the tender flesh, then the cold rushing sensation of liquid entering his system rapidly._

_"Okay. Let's just give that a second to work. If there's anything you need to say, you've got about 2 minutes, and then I need you to keep your mouth perfectly still. Believe me when I say a scalpel and a fidgeter don't usually make a winning combination."_

_"I'll 'ry an' 'eep my 'error un'er con'rol."_

_"You do that." She laughed, then looked at the leather on his arm. "Nice decorations. I've seen those before, my daughter was showing me some in her homework."_

_"She 'orks with 'unes? Wha' school?"_

_"Oh, it's a private school in Scotland. It's very small, I doubt you've heard of it."_

_Harry narrowed his eyes a little, picking up her surface thoughts easily. He could see images of a beautiful girl, slender and pretty with the same untameable hair as her mother, dressed in black robes with the blue trim of a Ravenclaw._

_"'Og'orts?"_

_"Sorry, what was that?" She looked at him warily._

_Harry held his hand towards the tray of instruments, levitating the scalpel over to a stunned Emma Granger, who plucked it from the air. "She 'oes 'o Og'orts?"_

_"Yes, yes she does. She also said not to talk about it to anyone."_

_"I' a iz'ar."_

_"Oh. Okay. Well then, let me tell you about Hermione." For the next twenty five minutes, Emma Granger cut, drilled and extracted with an almost automatic action, as she described her brilliant daughter. Harry, while unable to talk, believed his eye-rolling and slight nodding was both eloquent and expressive. After she was holding the tooth in her hand, Harry pointed his finger at his mouth, and the bleeding stopped as the wound sealed shut._

_He smacked his lips together, and sighed. "So much better."_

_"You just healed it? Why didn't you remove the tooth yourself?"_

_"The only things I know that would work are a high-powered summoning charm, which would just rip the tooth out completely, or a bone-cracking hex, and I'd rather not do that to the back of my throat."_

_"I see. So, what house are you in at Hogwarts?"_

_"Oh, I'm what you would call... well, I suppose 'home-schooled' would be the best description for me. Still, if I'm ever at Hogwarts, would you mind if I said hello to Hermione? I'm sure she'd be happy to meet someone like her, who mixes Muggle and Magical."_

_"Sure." Dan held out his wallet, showing a picture of Hermione leaning against a wall, her long hair pulled back in to a tight ponytail, reading MacBeth. She looked perfect. "She's a Ravenclaw, currently in her fourth year."_

_"If I see her, I'll say hi. I'll be pleased to meet her."_

Harry looked down at the girl in his arms, who was slowly stirring. He was right. He was pleased to meet her.


	12. Rumble In The Great Hall?

– **CHAPTER ELEVEN –**

_**Rumble in the... Great Hall?**_

As Harry ambled back through the courtyard near the Entrance Hall, holding Hermione's hand, surrounded by his friends, he saw Dumbledore standing in the doorway, looking furious. _In fact, he looks so far past furious, I bet he forgot what it looked like on the way past. _Behind him stood the four Heads of House, looking unimpressed with the group.

"Where have you been, Mr. Potter?"

"Andrew's here?" Harry looked around. "Are you sure? He wasn't with us."

"Harry, I am in no mood to play games with you. When fifteen of my students are absent from the castle overnight, then I need to know where they were and what they were doing, for their own safety."

"Well, we had a little bit of a party in the forest. Bite to eat, a little something to drink, and a nice set of conversations." Harry shrugged. "It was a nice night. I'd recommend it for each of the houses."

"You took my students in to the forest? There are dangerous creatures in the forest, Harry! I can't believe you'd endanger your friends this way."

"They're not dangerous if you treat them with respect, Headmaster. You might want to try it sometime."

"Besides, I would never have gotten over my fear of spiders if Harry hadn't taken us to see the leader of the Acromantulas. He made me a gift!" Justin held up a coil of spider silk rope, which Aragog had personally wove for him as a reward for facing his fears.

James Potter elbowed McGonagall out of the way, surging forward. "You took children in to an Acromantula nest? Don't you know they're carnivorous?"

"Of course; I took them some left over steak from our dinner. They were a little surprised it was cooked, but they were gracious enough to eat it, although I'm not sure if they liked it or were just being polite. You might want to try that some time."

Potter, furious, raised his hand to strike the younger man with an open-handed blow, when he suddenly found his hand in a steel grip.

"We've already proven how completely ineffective you are as a wizard, Potter. Do you really want to embarrass yourself any further?"

"What's the matter, _son_? Afraid to face me in a wizard's duel?"

"Fine. If this will finally shut you up." He turned to Dumbledore. "Professor Dumbledore, I request use of the Great Hall for the purpose of a wizard's duel between myself, James Potter, and any of the catamites he wants at his back." He looked at his forebear. "You can have four others at your back. I think five against one ought to give you enough of a chance to keep from embarrassing yourself." He smiled, the look almost feral. "Well, embarrassing yourself too badly."

"Very well. Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Andrew Potter and Ronald Weasley."

"Look, James, I don't want to..."

"Remus! We're Marauders. We stick together!"

"But he's your son. You may have disowned him, but you can still treat him properly."

"Moony, you can't let him get away with thinking he owns the place. Are you a Marauder or a Wormtail?"

Remus Lupin was a calm, collected man, who kept his emotions in check as they fed the beast within his breast. Therefore, it was a great surprise when he backhanded Sirius as hard as he could, sending the man reeling to the floor. "I'm no traitor. But if this is what the Marauders have become, then I'm not one of them, either." He turned and walked over to Harry, who was watching the proceedings with amusement. "I've done a lot of things in the past that I've looked back on with regret. This incident won't be joining them." He held out his hand, a hopeful look on his face.

Harry swatted the hand to one side, and wrapped the startled older man in a hug. "Thank you, Uncle Moony." Harry's voice was completely sincere. Although he didn't remember those days deliberately, he could remember snatches of conversation with his gentle 'Uncle', who had always been the most moderate and caring towards him. Harry knew that Moony had searched for him when he found out he'd been missing, but hadn't told his parents. Although Harry would never admit it to the man, Remus John Lupin was the reason that the Hunter helped Light werewolves, as, although he couldn't repay this man for his kindness, he could ensure that others reaped the reward.

"Well, old man, looks like there's just the four of you."

"I hate you, Potter." Snape moved to stand by his side. "But I hate that arrogant brat more. If you need a fifth, I will consent."

"Ah, Smellerus, nice to see you've managed to get that stink out of your robes." He wafted his hand in front of his face. "Pity, really, it masked your natural odour." He looked at the five of them. "So, is this it? The Marauders, the so-called 'New Marauders' and ManBat over here, against ickle ole me?" He gestured behind the adults in to the Great Hall, where the staff table flew backwards, leaving an empty stage. "Shall we?"

They all made their way to the top of the Great Hall. "Professor Flitwick, your reputation as a duelling champion is well known, and well deserved. Would you be willing to referee for us?"

"Certainly, Harry. Standard tournament rules?"

"Well, basically, no Unforgivable curses, the duel continues until one side is unconscious or unable to continue the duel."

"Very well. Places, please."

Hermione walked up to the stage, and kissed Harry, hard. Behind her stood Hannah, Susan and Padma, all waiting to wish him luck.

"Need back-up, Harry? What happened to taking us on on your own?"

"Nice sneer, _Dad_. Seems Snape's teaching you a few things."

"Besides, we're not fighting. We're his cheerleaders!" Hermione's loud declaration caused laughter throughout the hall, as everyone approached the Weasley twins, who appeared to be running a book.

Harry dug through his pockets, pulling out his money pouch. "Do me a favour, will you? Put a bet on me to win, with James being the first to be incapacitated."

Hermione nodded, looking him straight in the eye. "Be careful. I've only just gotten myself a wonderful boyfriend. I don't want to lose him."

"Sweet Hermione. I'll be here as long as you want me."

"A long time, then." She gave him one final kiss, before walking down the stage steps and over to the twins.

Hannah Abbott walked over to him, a black cat held in her arms. Shari looked at him, and mewed loudly. "Don't worry, I'll be fine." He kissed the top of the furry head, and then kissed Hannah on the cheek. "Thanks, you guys. If I were you, I'd get down to the twins and lay some bets. Think of this as the perfect chance to top up your money bags for the next Hogsmeade weekend. Bet on it lasting less than a minute." The girls left, leaving Harry on his own, cracking his knuckles. "You know, you can always leave here, Potter, with all honour. Well, the tattered shreds that you currently posses, at least."

James Potter just spat, staring with hate-filled eyes at his offspring.

"Take him down, Drew!"

"Oi!" Harry turned to face some of the Gryffindors. "No heckling from the cheap seats."

"Very well. The duel will begin when the feather touches the ground." Flitwick held a feather above his head, and let it drop. It slowly floated towards the ground.

Harry raised his left hand, immediately casting _Protego_ while pointing his right hand at the ground beneath the opposing fighters. "_Aguamenti!_" Water surged from his hand, flowing over the stage. He felt the pummelling against his shield, mainly cutting and blasting hexes, when a particularly sharp ricochet indicated someone using a bone-cracking hex.

"Wet feet? That's the best you can do?"

_"Glacis!"_ Suddenly, the water turned to ice, before Harry launched a banishing charm, blasting the five backwards, watching them all fall arse over teakettle. "_Accio_ wands!" All five wands shot in to his hand, and he slid them inside him pocket. "Well, looks like you're all disarmed. That was easy." He turned around to walk down the stairs when he heard a high speed clopping behind him. Spinning round, he saw Prongs charging towards him, antlers lowered, ready to skewer him. "Come on, Bambi!" A feral grin appeared on Harry's face as he set his feet, gripping Prongs' rack and using it to flip the stag over his shoulder in to a body slam, ploughing him in to the stage. A quick _Stupefy_ later, and the stag was out for the count. A low growl alerted him to the barrelling bear-like Padfoot. The dog leapt, and Harry fell backwards, rolling so that his feet caught the dog in the rib cage, launching him in to the air. As the dog hit the ground, Harry conjured a rolled up newspaper, and whacked the dog on the nose, hard. As soon the newspaper hit, he cast an unnoticed _Stupefy_, leaving an unconscious dog drooling over the stag. Harry turned to see Snape yanking up his trouser leg, revealing the palest, most hairless leg he'd ever seen, while Snape pulled out a second wand.

"Sectumsempra!" The spell hit Harry directly in the chest, slicing through his T-shirt.

"This is my best top, dammit!" Harry forward-rolled underneath another cutting curse, coming out of his roll to punch Snape in the testicles, hard. _What is it with Hogwarts and people being hit in the balls? _He shrugged, and pushed Snape backwards with a finger, watching his slow, terrible crumple to the floor. Andrew, having no back-up wand, Animagus transformation or common sense, threw a punch at his hated twin, while Ron, facing Andrew, tried to catch him in a cross fire. Harry ducked his head to one side, grabbed both wrists, and yanked the two of them together, wincing as the _thud_ of bone-on-bone contact ricocheted through the hall, as both Potter and Weasley, banging their foreheads together, slumped in to unconsciousness.

"I believe, Professor Flitwick, I win." He looked around; four unconscious bodies, and one man with less balls than a 5-year old girl. "Yep, I win."

"Eighteen seconds, Harry. That was incredible."

"Not really. If we had Statler and Waldorf here for commentary, now, that would be incredible!"

The muggleborns laughed at the thought of the two acerbic Muppets commentating on a duel, while the purebloods just shook their heads.

"So much for the Marauders." He turned to Lily, who was working her way steadily through her fingernails. "When they wake up, remind them they weren't facing a 5th year student. I'm a Hunter for a reason." He gestured to the snoring and drooling dog, which suddenly twitched before letting out a thunderous volley of trumpeting farts. "If that's a good indication of the current crop of Auror's, then we're really screwed."

Hermione danced up to Harry, a smile on her face, and hugged him, holding him particularly tight. She slid his considerably swollen money bag back in to his pocket, and left her hand there, while kissing him passionately. _I've heard of someone counting the change in your pocket, but it feels like she's trying to open a minting process in there. Not that I... _He paused his inner monologue as her hand slid in a little deeper, and suddenly it wasn't only the money bag that was swollen. Smiling at her, he put his head to the left and coughed, watching as she blushed.

"Now, Headmaster, do you honestly think that your students were in any danger in the forest with me there? The creatures there have my respect. They..." He gestured with his thumb over his shoulder. "...do not. I think you can see the difference."

Dumbledore was livid, but he was well aware that virtually the entire student body were cheering themselves hoarse over Harry's victory. Even most of the Slytherins were cheering, not because of Harry's victory, but both of the Potters being knocked in to insensibility. "Indeed, Harry. I can see now my fears were misplaced." He rubbed his temples warily, clearly not wanting to start another confrontation with the young man. "I'm sure you all have other places to be. Luckily, as it's a Sunday, you don't have any classes. I feel this is for the best, as those of you with Defence Against the Dark Arts and Potions would undoubtedly have a free period. Perhaps some studying in your common rooms or out in the grounds would be suitable." No-one moved. "I meant now." Everyone got up, heading towards the exits.


	13. Hunter: Unplugged!

– **CHAPTER TWELVE –**

_**Hunter: Unplugged!**_

"Harry, I've seen your magic in action, but how did you flip the stag? And that dog was huge! Yet, you threw them both about." Padma looked on in fascination, as Harry didn't seem to be built of muscles, yet he'd demonstrated fearsome strength in front of the entire school. Harry's friends were all gathered in the Hufflepuff common room, the inhabitants of which had immediately accepted Harry's friends, Slytherin and Gryffindor alike. Now, everyone was sitting around, counting their winnings and smiling, even the Weasley twins, who didn't look the least bit upset by their brother's lack of consciousness, although, considering that they were thirty one galleons up on the morning, that wasn't really a surprise.

"You've seen that I've met phoenixes before. This is probably the best time to tell you about me. Everything. The history of Harry, so to speak." Everyone nodded, including Hermione, who was sat on his lap. "When I was younger, I wandered down a dark alleyway, where I saw a wounded Hunter being set upon by three vampires. He'd been badly wounded, yet he was still fighting. He'd dropped his stake, and so I rushed up to help him. I was a scrawny kid, a street rat, eating what I could find and scrounge. I was a mess. Together, the two of us managed to kill the vampires, burning them. It was hard."

_

* * *

Harry staggered down the alleyway, heading towards the large bin at the back of Luciano's, hoping to find some scraps of food. While it may not have be good enough to please anyone with a knowledge of basic nutrition, it would enable him to survive another day._

_A wet smack and a grunt alerted Harry that he wasn't alone in the alleyway; two pale men were holding a struggling man by his arms, while a third was pummelling him mercilessly._

_"Hey!" Harry reached down, grabbing a lump of wood of a damaged pallet, and threw it, landing a glancing blow on the punching man's back. He turned and snarled, his fangs extended and dangerous. _Oh, crap... _Spending the first few years of his life shunned and ignored by his family had left him with lots of free time, time he'd spent in the Potter Library, as his family rarely went in to the room. He had read all about vampires, and knew that the best way to kill them was to stake them through the heart, behead them, and then burn the remaining parts. After that, bury the ashes under a rock. A big one. Nice and heavy._

_Of course, the main problem's with fighting a vampire is that they are quick and powerful, possessing demonic speed and a body which is powered by will, rather than simple physical attributes. Harry, on the other hand, having spent over three and a half years living on the streets, had the muscle tone of an elastic band, a fact he was very much aware of. However, the look on the face of the man being beaten awoke something inside the youth, something that burned with a fierce power. He lowered his head and charged, aiming to tackle the nearest vampire to him. As he charged, the vampire set his legs, bracing himself, ready to meet his attacker._

_Having lived on the streets for so long, Harry's clothing was ragged and dirty, his shoes too large for him. He stepped out of one of his shoes, stepping on broken glass and stumbling forward, accidentally head-butting the vampire in the crotch. Body powered by will or not, the vampire's nerve endings worked just fine, and they all made a similar report, demanding 'fold and crumple' all at once. The vampire obeyed, falling backwards, knocking one of the other vampires off of the struggling man, who quickly elbowed his other captor in the face._

_As Harry picked himself up, his hand closed on the lump of pallet, and he wielded the ungainly weapon badly. The vampire closest to him, blinking the tears away from a now broken nose, suddenly felt the heavy wood smash in to the side of his head, sending him reeling._

_The Hunter, struggling for breath and his face a sheet of blood, managed to plunge a stake in to the heart of the pinned vampire, which immediately ceased struggling. Harry used the slat of his pallet lump to stake the second as the Hunter staked the third._

_"Thanks, kid." The voice was wheezing and weak, but still carried an undercurrent of steel to it. He pulled out what was, to Harry, probably the largest knife he'd ever seen, with a blade as long as his forearm. "I need you to be strong one more time." Harry knew what he meant when he watched the Hunter decapitate a vampire, before collapsing backwards, foamy blood on his chest. Harry finished off the other two vampires, hurrying back to the fallen fighter's side. "Name's Ripper."_

_"Harry."_

_"Thanks for your help, kid." Ripper coughed, blood flecks littering his chin. He struggled to pull a portkey out of his robes, dropping the medallion on to his chest._

_Harry snatched at the portkey and the wand sticking out of a pocket, tapping the two together. "Hang on."_

* * *

"He was in a bad way. We took the portkey back to his headquarters, and Healers pounced on him, but it was too late. He died less than a minute after we got there." Harry cuffed at his suddenly moist eyes. He hadn't thought about Ripper for years. "The leader of the Order of Lek'golo was Sabre. Well, that was his _nom de guerre_. He saw something in me, I guess, and started to train me. He schooled me in different magicks, Potions, and the like. Of course, at that point, I was tiny, malnourished and a mess. I still have Knobby and Betsy, too." He pulled his shrunken trunk out of his pocket, expanding it and opening it, to pull out a lump of wood that was covered in a flaking russet paint, and a large knife in a leather sheath that looked as if every care had been taken to preserve it. "After the initial meeting with Sabre, he offered me a place to bunk. So, I was walking back to the old outhouse I was living in when I was set upon by a vampire. He was of the same clan of those we'd destroyed, and was looking for vengeance. He beat the shit out of me, and was about to bite me when a flash of light almost blinded me._

* * *

Harry walked down the brightly lit street, his stomach slightly sore after eating his fill at The Haven, but he revelled in the feeling of having eaten as much as he wanted. He was heading back to his digs, the old outbuilding that had once held the electrical transformer for the area, although the equipment had been removed over a decade ago, leaving only the empty small brick building. Harry turned the corner, walking down the dark narrow pathway, intent on collecting his few meagre possessions, when he felt a heavy weight smash in to the back of his head, sending him staggering forward, his vision swimming, flashes of light in his vision like fireflies in a windstorm._

_"So this is the mighty Hunter who destroyed three of my coterie." The vampire sneered. "I'm not impressed."_

_Harry shook his head, trying to clear some of the cobwebs that were slowing down his thought processes considerably. "I don't blame you being unimpressed. I'd be unimpressed if I was that pale and farted dust."_

_The vampire roared before backhanding Harry solidly across the face, opening up a bloody gash on his cheek. "I was thinking of turning you, forcing you to spend an eternity as a child." The vampire sneered. "But I think that watching you die will be pleasant enough."_

_Harry launched a punch at the vampire's face, but the vampire just laughed, grabbing Harry's fist and yanking him forward, kneeing the boy in the chest. Harry's breath left his body with an explosive _pah_, leaving him on his knees, wheezing. The vampire kicked Harry firmly in the side, eliciting a grunt along with a wet pop, indicating broken bones. He picked Harry up by the throat, holding him up against the wall._

_"You're going to die, boy." The vampire's fangs extended fully, as the creature inched his head slowly forward, giving Harry plenty of time to panic, big fat tears falling down the small boy's face._

_"Help me!" He whispered, and a flash of light almost blinded Harry, bright spots burned in to his vision, as a large red and gold bird appeared, singing out a song that filled him with joy. The vampire suddenly dropped Harry and clasped his hands over his head, the phoenix's song causing agonising pain to erupt like fire in his mind._

_Wheezing like bellows, Harry stumbled on all fours, grabbing half a brick off the ground, and smash the vampire on the back of his head, opening up a wound that started to leak dark, dead blood._

_The phoenix landed on Harry's head and fanned his tail, smashing the plumage against Harry's back and neck. A sudden feeling of fire tore through Harry's nerves, energising every single millimetre of his body, making him feel powerful, joyful, _alive_. In his mind, he knew it was simply an adrenaline rush combined with the feeling most wizards had when they picked up a suitable wand, but in his heart, he understood. He finally understood. He rushed towards the vampire, and punched it in the face, hard. He felt the vampire's nose break with a wet crack, and he punched again, hitting the vampire on the jaw. He stepped back, shaking his hand as his knuckle suddenly doubled in size._

_The phoenix trilled, and Harry, understanding, pointed his hands at the vampire, pushing away from it as if shoving it. A ball of fire smashed in to the evil creature, burning it to a crisp, leaving a small pile of ashes on the ground, Harry staring at them, a vacant expression on his face._

_A long blast of phoenix song stirred him from his trace, and the bird landed on Harry's arm, staring at the boy's eyes. Harry felt something tingle inside his mind._

_"Thank you. I'm Harry."_

_My name is Fawkes._

_"What happened? You landed on my head, and then my neck felt... well, like it was on fire."_

_I am a phoenix. We are creatures born of flame. You are a wizard, destined for great things. I am partly to blame for your life. My feather gave you your scar. Harry's fingers gently brushed his scar, a tingling sensation coming directly from the damaged tissue. You need your magic now, but are not old enough to possess a wand. My gift will allow you to access your magic, after a fashion. The bird suddenly flapped his wings, launching in to the air. Farewell for now, Harry-Wizard. Fly straight, fly true, and honour the flame._

_Harry watched as the bird vanished is a ball of fire, and trudged back to the outhouse, intent on picking up his few belongings. It had been an... interesting day._

* * *

"The feather was absorbed by my body, just at the base of my neck. Here, touch the back of my neck, you can feel it." Harry placed his head forward, exposing the back of his neck, while Hermione's chest was only millimetres from his face. As Padma ran a finger down his neck, feeling the magic of the feather, Hermione leaned forward a little, and Harry felt a completely different, but much more enjoyable, form of magic.

"That is amazing!" said Padma.

"I couldn't agree more." The voice came from the region of Hermione's breasts, but nobody noticed as they could feel the feather's magic through his skin. Grudgingly, Harry straightened up, slightly pink in the face. "The feather allowed magic to be channelled throughout my body. Not enough to cast spells, but it meant that my magic was going through my muscles. Oh, I wasn't Superman, leaping tall buildings, but I was able to go hand to hand with vampires. Werewolves, on the other hand, were pretty simple. Find out their affinity, Light or Dark, and deal with them on a day that isn't a full moon. As time went on, I found I had the ability to 'charge up' my magic, so that my kicks and punches were devastatingly effective. The only spell I could cast was a fireball, which is the best way to destroy a vampire. And so, I worked out, I fought creatures of darkness and received payment from the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith for every vampire I destroyed."

"What's the congregation?"

"It's the modern name for the Holy Office of the Inquisition."

"Inquisition? As in Spanish?"

"Yep. Imagine their horror if they ever find out that they've been using a wizard for destroying the darkness. Still, gold's gold, and the Goblins are kind enough to take Vatican gold and turn it in to galleons, so it works out nicely. Still, the charging of magic in to my body is quite helpful for flight; I don't know if any of you saw me heading to Hogsmeade during the attack, but I flew. I charge up the magic in my legs, and that, combined with an extremely modified levitation charm, allows a limited form of flight; I can travel at close to 200mph, for precisely 18 seconds."

"Exactly one mile."

"Precisely. After 16 seconds, a rune activates on my armour, which automatically casts a cushioning charm on the soles of my boots, so I don't piledrive in to the ground. That would be messy. And embarrassing. The armour itself is made from the hide of a 1,000 year old Basilisk. I found it a few years ago. Any guesses where?"

"Cha-cha-chamber of..." Justin, who'd been petrified by the basilisk, sounded terrified. Harry took his shirt off, revealing the iridescent skin of his armour covering his torso.

"Less scary now, isn't it?" Justin ran his finger over the skin-tight armour, and Harry snorted a giggle.

"Could it be that the mighty Hunter is ticklish?" Padma burst out laughing before springing, panther-like, on to the couch, tickling Harry mercilessly while the rest of his friends joined in.

"I have a poisonous snake... I have a bird made of fire... Oh, Merlin, please, stop!" Harry's laughter could probably be heard in Diagon Alley at that point, before everyone took mercy on him, leaving a dishevelled and slightly stunned-looking Harry sitting in an undignified mound on the floor. Sighing, he put his shirt back on, and staggered back to the couch, reclaiming his spot underneath Hermione's bum. "As for weaponry, I have access to Gryffindor's sword, which is a very nice weapon; Goblin-made, very lightweight and well balanced, and can cut through almost anything. My personal sidearm is an experimental weapon, a Beretta M93R-AG with a modified Cutts long compensator. Capable or semi or fully automatic fire, it's a nice accurate weapon." He reached under his arm and removed his pistol, placing it on the table. "For ammunition, I have numerous different clips; regular bullets, but with a conjuration charm on the magazine itself, so I'll never run out of ammunition. I have clips of spells as well; I used a charm to actually store Reducto's and Stupefy's on to pieces of molybdenum, so pulling the trigger actually launches the curse. I only did it because I can fire 38 spells in just under 3 seconds, and there isn't a shield in the world that can stand up to that kind of firepower." He reached for the pistol, and handed it to Hermione. "Point it at the wall, and pull the trigger." Hermione struggled with the weight for a moment, before pulling the trigger; nothing happened. "It requires magic to actually use. Since you can't exactly hold your wand to it, channel pure magic in to it, and shoot at the same time, it's a pretty effective safety. I found this little beauty in Italy."

"Harry, that looks like something I saw in a movie. Something with a robot."

"Alright! Fine, I nicked it from Beretta. They weren't using it, it was just sat in a vault I happened to find myself in."

"Happened to find yourself in?"

"After breaking in to it and disabling the security system, plus stunning the guard, then, yes, I suddenly happened to find myself in the vault, yes." He placed the gun back in its holster under his arm, and pulled out two small globes, placing them on the table as well. "These are Allium Gas Grenades. I use these-" He grabbed the grenade from Ernie, who'd been about to pull the pin. "No!"

"Allium? You have garlic grenades?"

"Hermione, I do fight vampires. It's not the garlic itself that harms them, it's the allicin in garlic that causes an extremely adverse chemical reaction to them. I don't want one used here for two reasons. The first is that Shari might walk in, and it'll hurt her quite badly."

"And the second?"

"They reek. Who wants to walk around smelling like a garlic bulb's armpit? Anyway, when I was 11, Hedwig, my beautiful Hedwig, gave me two feathers, then promptly underwent a burning day. Scared the crap out of me. The feathers themselves were absorbed in to my arms, and focus my magic much more powerfully and easily than a wand. That's why you never hear me make incantations. Anyway, that's how I came to be how I am now. I wear armour, my magic truly _is_ a part of me, and I was perfectly content with my life. I wish I could've become an animagus, but, well..."

"Why can't you?"

"Well, you'd think with Potter Sr. being a stag, the genetics would be okay, but, because of the way I started using magic, not through a wand but through my body, I can't physically change my shape or structure, or my magic would be disrupted. If I were able to change, it'd be highly unlikely I could change back. I did do the spirit quest, trying to find what my animal would be. It's..." He trailed off for a moment. "It's a manatee."

"A what?"

"A sea cow."

"Thanks, Hermione. Since the idea of being trapped in a form with a room temperature IQ and a top speed of 3mph didn't really appeal to me, I figured I'm okay with two arms and two legs. Anyway, as I was saying, I was happy with my life. I didn't want much to do with the Wizarding world."

"Why not?"

"Susan, my entire experience with the Wizarding world was the Potters and Black. Not exactly the best impression to give. I was happy with my life, but then I had to go to the dentist, and I met the Grangers. They showed me a different type of a witch. No matter what, though, when I read in the Prophet that Fudge was too busy trying to hold office, rather than deal with Voldemort, I knew I had to do something. I was there, that night, in the graveyard, when Andrew was used to bring old Snake-face back. I was too late to stop it, but I did manage to save his cowardly arse. He thinks that the Cup was a two-way portkey; it wasn't. I turned it back in to a portkey and then banished it towards him when he attempted to flee, and I sent Cedric back with him. But Fudge refused to start working towards Voldemort's defeat. I had to come back."

Hermione snuggled in closer to him. "I'm glad you did." The others around him agreed.

_Yes, Hermione. You and me both._


	14. The Idiot’s Guide To Bridge Building!

– **CHAPTER THIRTEEN –**

_**The Idiot's Guide to Bridge Building**_

Snape stormed in to his Potions lab first thing Monday morning, fuming with irrational anger and a slight limp from his injury. To add insult to injury, Poppy Pomfrey had offered to rub an analgesic cream in to his 'wound' with a smirk on her face, which had not done any favours for his ill humour.

"You know, Severus, you should really learn to relax. I mean, you're looking kinda stressed."

Snape wheeled round, wand drawn, to see Harry leaning on the wall next to the door. The look on Harry's face indicated that if the next words out of Snape's mouth were 'Avada Kedavra', he'd make the injury he'd received in the Great Hall look like a love-tap.

"What do you want?"

"World peace, one of those new Firebolt II's and an all expenses paid trip to Disneyworld. Alas, it appears that I can't have everything I want. However, at the moment, I'd like a conversation with you and, luckily, this is something I can have." Harry smiled at the man, a disarming smile of trust and friendship that was almost 4 genuine. "I suppose the first thing you should be aware of is that I am quite an accomplished Legilimens. And your Occlumency, while impressive, becomes a little incomplete when you're looking at Mrs Potter. So much so that I had a good rummage inside your noggin the other day. So I know."

Snape felt a flash of fear tear through him as all the possible meanings of that sentence realised themselves in his head. His mouth was suddenly dry. "Know what?"

"I know your feelings for Lily. I know that Voldemort attacked me because of you telling him the first part of the prophecy. I know all the nasty, evil little things you did as a Death Eater. In fact..." He squinted, staring Snape straight in the eye, and Severus felt the tip of Harry's mental 'spear' slide straight through his defences, to his most recent conversation with Dumbledore. "Amortentia? That's a nasty little trick." His eyes narrowed once more. "You're not convinced that it's a good idea. You're worried about brewing; big surprise." His eyes widened in shock. "You actually think Dumbledore's wrong in his handling of me?"

"I spent three years working for an evil man, before he was defeated by you." Snape shrugged, a little concerned; he was finding it difficult to summon up enough contempt to sneer properly. "Albus' little schemes kept me out of Azkaban, but in his pocket. Now, with Voldemort returned, I have a madman with the ability and inclination to kill me at a minute's notice, and Albus' schemes are not helping."

"Are you telling me Dumbledore's dark?"

He shook his head. "No, Albus is firmly for the light. He believes, however, that nobody else has the skill or knowledge to be able to lead the Light. That is why, when he found out that _you_ are the Boy-Who-Lived, not Potter, he decided that you must immediately be brought under his control. He is not pleased with your actions in the battle of Hogsmeade."

"Neither am I. Far too many Death Eaters escaped alive."

"His opinion is the polar opposite of yours; he believes that even one death is too many. I do have a question for you." Snape sounded almost respectful. "How did you know I was a Death Eater, or do you use Legilimency on everyone?"

"Part of my training in the past focused on the ability to spot people's auras. The Dark Mark is like a stain on an aura. Your aura is almost like the yin and yang mark, meaning that you've done some pretty nasty stuff in the past, but you're trying to redeem yourself. I respect that. You've the potential to redeem yourself, if you let go of your petty hatreds and angers. I am not a Potter. I am nothing like my brother. I don't believe that Potions is a stupid subject because there's no 'foolish wand waving' in your class. We're both Potions Masters, after all, and we both want the same thing; Voldemort defeated. Then, I will leave Hogwarts, and you will never have to see me again." He paused. "Although I might have to slap your godson down pretty hard."

"Draco never did know when to keep quiet. Nothing lethal or scarring; I don't want to listen to Lucius rant on about his precious son."

"I understand." He held out his hand to Snape. "Pax?"

"Pax."

* * *

Ginny Weasley approached Harry, who was sitting on the largest rock near the lake, shouting out instructions for the synchronised swimming lesson he was giving the giant squid.

"That's it! Now, roll, and put up two tentacles in to a V!" Two massive appendages shot out of the water, forming a giant V, before disappearing back in to the water with barely a ripple on the water's surface.

"Perfect, Leonidas!" He realised Ginny was behind him, but he didn't turn around. "What can I do for you, Red?"

"How did you know I was here?"

"I'm attuned to the magic here, so I can detect minute changes in the local field density when a magic user of such awesome power and incredible skill approaches."

"Wow! Really?"

Harry shook his head, smiling to himself. "No, you stood on a twig."

"Oh. Anyway, I just thought I'd see how you're doing. I was very impressed with your duel in the Great Hall."

"Even though I ended up knocking your brother and boyfriend out?"

"Ex-boyfriend. And Ron's a stupid prat who thought you were an easy target."

"Ex? I'm sorry. For some reason, and this isn't ego talking, I imagine that I'm partly responsible. I guess he was embarrassed after the Great Hall incident, and especially after the duel."

Ginny nodded, her red hair forming a shimmering curtain of fire around her head. "He doesn't like you very much. He blames you for people laughing at him, as he's no longer the Boy-Who-Lived. And he dumped me before the duel. Ever since you had Daphne... erm... encourage him to not look down on muggleborns."

"I'm sorry he dumped you, but I'm not sorry he ended up a little tender. Arrogant bigot."

"Well, I just wanted to talk to you, make sure you're okay."

"I see." Harry's Legilimency shot out, almost instinctively, scanning her surface thoughts, which were as pure and innocent as fresh snow. Probing a little deeper, he replayed the conversation with Dumbledore, and found the compulsion charms the old man had weaved with his words. _You sly son of a bitch! When Voldemort's gone, you've got to go soon after. We're all just pawns. _Ginny felt herself getting aroused from his gaze, while he held her entranced, staring deep in to her eyes.

"Tell me something, Ginny. What do you want from me?"

"I just want to be your friend. My mum told me a little about what you went through when you were younger, and I know that you haven't had the greatest home life. I'm sure you would love my mum's cooking."

"I'm sure I would." He smiled at her disarmingly, running his hand through his hair distractedly. She watched his hand in fascination. "And if I said that I wanted to break up with Hermione, drop to the floor right here and make love to you, what would you say?"

"I'd do it in an instant." She looked slightly puzzled for a moment, as a wave of arousal shot through her, warring with her desire to just be this boy's friend. "In fact, I even know a really nice spot just further around from the lake."_ No! That wasn't what I was going to say. Was it?_ "Nobody could see us, so we could relax." She reached out, trying to reach his zipper.

"What if I wanted to do something you didn't want to do?"

"I'd do anything." _Would I?_

"Really?" He gently 'nudged' the suggestions in her mind.

"There'd be no limits."

"Indeed. What about if I asked you to have Draco Malfoy sodomise you vigorously on the teacher's table in the Great Hall at dinner tonight, in front of everyone? Because I'd just love you unconditionally if you did that."

"Okay." She started walking back towards the castle, intent on finding Draco; she needed his help.

"Ginny, wait." She stopped, and turned around. "Shagging Draco won't make me love you unconditionally. I'm sorry to say, currently, nothing will." He watched as her face suddenly darkened in anger. Grabbing hold of her arms, he pulled her close to him, and placed his forehead on hers, staring in to her eyes. Gently, he removed the compulsions from her subconscious, leaving her suddenly confused and weary, as the adrenaline that had suddenly flooded her system abruptly wore off.

"Harry?"

"The old man decided to use you, Ginny. He wants me under his control, so he was planning to use you to do it. Apparently, he knows that you're sexually active, and decided to use that to... well, to be crude, to pussy-whip me in to submission."

"That bastard!"

"Actually, I'm fairly certain Momma and Papa Dumbledore were married, but, you're right, I'm not too impressed either. How does it feel to be the latest pawn? How does it feel to be spied on, so he knows you aren't a virgin? What makes it worse is that he's not actually a bad person. He just doesn't believe that anyone else can deal with Voldemort, and he's decided to do it his way."

"But to make me willing to do anything at all to snare you?"

"I know. If I wanted you just for sex, the Wizard's debt you owe me would force you to do it anyway."

She freed herself from his arms, and took a step back. "Wizard's debt?"

"For the Chamber of Secrets. I saved your life in there. Andrew fainted in the doorway before he even saw you. I defeated Riddle, I slew the basilisk, and I saved your life."

"What do you want in return?" Ginny felt a slight pulse of fear flick through her; the potential for abuse against her was enormous and, even worse, unavoidable, should Harry wish it.

"Nothing. I never want anything given to me, just like that." He smiled at her. "I'm going back to the castle; 5th year DADA will finish soon, and I want to go and chat with Hermione. I would've sat in the class, but I think Antler-Boy might've had an issue or two with that."

Ginny held out her hand, a genuine smile on her face. "I came down here to offer you the hand of friendship. Now, I think, I can do that properly."

Harry shook her hand, and walked back towards the castle. _Who'd have thought a Monday could go so well?_

* * *

"Potter. I have a message for you."

"Well, Malfoy, if I see a Potter, I'll tell them to come and find you." Harry walked past Draco, heading for the DADA classroom.

"The message is for you. My father would like to extend an invitation for you to speak with an associate of his regarding certain ideas for future careers."

"Well, Draco, that's lovely. Be sure to thank your Death Eater father, and tell him that I would rather have experimental root canal surgery than speak with his half-blood master. And I _know_ how mean dentists can be."

"How dare you!" Malfoy pulled out his wand, only to find himself banished against the wall, hitting it with bone-cracking force.

"Did you know that your voice goes up three octaves when you start screeching? And you do have very nice hair." Harry looked amused. "And you've always got a couple of boys hanging around you. _Very_ nice hair. Suspicious." He smile dropped. "Now, let me tell you this. I have no intention of meeting Voldemort, I have no intention of bowing before him, and I have every intention of kicking his scaly arse until he gets fed up, takes back his ball and goes home."

"You'll pay, Potter! When my father..."

"What is going on here?"

"Good afternoon, Professor Snape. I was just educating young Mr. Malfoy here what happens when you sow the wind." Harry saw Snape's wand, pointed straight at him, drop down to his side. He faced Malfoy. "You reap the whirlwind."

"Harry, as a fellow educator, I believe you have this class firmly in hand. Good day." Snape walked off, leaving an amazed Malfoy fearfully staring at a straight-faced, but equally amazed, Harry.

"Your father, Malfoy? The only thing I want to associate with your father is a sledgehammer and his pasty little kneecaps. When I'm through with him, he'll be begging for Azkaban. Make no mistake, little dragon; when I am finished, the Dark Mark will only be seen in Hell." He waved his hand, and Draco was released from the wall, collapsing on to the floor. "Here endeth the lesson."

* * *

"I'm here to escort you to lunch, fair Lady." He held out his elbow so she could take his arm. "So, have a good class?"

"Oh, yeah." Hermione stood on tip-toes to kiss her boyfriend. "Luckily, the teacher had had a simply wonderful weekend, and decided that he'd like to spread the joy around."

"I imagine that must've been fun."

"Not really, Harry. He decided to try and demonstrate techniques to defeat an opponent who is physically stronger than you. He offered 100 house points to the first student who demonstrates the ability to defeat an opponent who is beyond standard physical abilities."

"You know, I really think I should check his arm for a nice tattoo."

Hermione looked scandalised at the disrespect of a teacher, before her reasoning had a sudden silent internal conflict with her conditioned response; reasoning won. "You're right. He does seem to be gunning for you."

"Oi! Potter! What were you doing, hugging my sister? I saw you!"

Harry spun around to see Ron Weasley charging down the corridor, his face red with anger, making him look suspiciously like a glow-worm. He couldn't help but feel like his walk looked particularly... well... mincing?

"Ah, Less-Ron, what do you want?"

"What were you doing with my sister?"

"Whatever I wanted to; she's mine, remember? I actually made it in to the Chamber of Secrets to rescue her while you were dicking about, playing with pebbles outside. The life debt she owes means that she owes me whatever I desire." He emphasised the word 'desire', while squeezing Hermione's hand, calling some of his magic to his hand to soothe her; unspoken reassurance flooded through her, relaxing her enough to know that Harry hadn't done anything inappropriate.

"Stay away from my sister. She's too good for you."

"Listen, Less-Ron, whatever I decide to do with your sister is between me, her, and Hermione, if she decides that she wants to join in again."

"Absolutely; she's gorgeous, a superb kisser and quite willing to follow orders." Never let it be said that Hermione wasn't above getting a little revenge, even if it did mean pretending to be a bisexual dominatrix willing to shamelessly exploit wizard's debts.

"So, you see, Less-Ron, I'll thank you to kindly sod off, and leave me alone."

Ron's roar of anger was probably a little less manly than he'd hoped, more like a cat being placed in a blender, before he launched a punch at Harry that, if it had hit, would probably have broken his jaw. Harry ambled backwards, and Ron stumbled forwards, smashing his knees in to the hard stone floor.

_"Petrificus Totalus!"_ Hermione's body-bind immobilised Ron in precisely that spot. Four years of the war-cry 'Mudblood' was about to about to be avenged. "Nope, definitely not my choice of Weasley to have on their knees in front of me." Harry stood behind Hermione, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his chin on her shoulder.

"Let's go find Ginny and see if we can get her to agree to the same position she was in last night; it was... stimulating." Harry kissed Hermione on the cheek and silently cast a notice-me-not charm on Ron, leaving him stuck there until they decided to release him. He was in for a long wait.


	15. Do A Little Dance, Make A Little Love

– **CHAPTER FOURTEEN –**

_**Do a Little Dance, Make a Little Love... then Quidditch!**_

Ginny's laughter was so loud, it caught the attention of the entire Great Hall as she shot pumpkin juice out of her nose.

"You didn't!" She looked shocked and overjoyed, as she mopped the juice from her chin.

"Yeah, we did." Harry's grin showed that his dental treatments were very successful. "He's still on the DADA corridor, waiting for one of us to release him."

"One question, Harry; why'd you call him Less-Ron?"

"Oh, that's easy. What's the opposite of Less-Ron?"

Hermione looked puzzled before realisation crossed her features. "Ah."

"What?" Ginny was still working on puzzled.

"More-Ron."

Thankfully, Ginny hadn't been drinking at the time, as she again erupted in to peals of laughter, leaving the twins to wonder if Harry had hit their sister with a tickling jinx.

"So, in a way, I can see this being quite useful; if you agree with us, to Ron, that we've been getting 'rather friendly', he'll probably go to Andrew, who'll go to Dumbledore who, I would imagine, will be quite pleased about this. He'll call for you, and congratulate you."

"But, what if he does that legili-trick?" Ginny looked worried and her skin paled even more than normal. "He'll see that we've just made this up."

Harry smiled, but it was the smile of a wolf that had just seen a sheep amble past, bleating playfully. "Don't worry about it, I can plant a false memory that'll trigger when he hits you with Legilimency; trust me, he'll believe it. More importantly, though, he won't try any more mind tricks on you if he sees you succeeding, and it gives us some leeway to do what needs to be done."

"What needs to be done?"

"The destruction of Voldemort." Harry saw Ginny's eyes narrow. "I know what the diary did to you. I spoke with him, remember? I'm offering you a measure of revenge. Hermione will avenge muggleborns; you can avenge yourself. And me? I'll avenge everyone who no longer has the option." The discussion had suddenly turned serious.

"I'll do it."

Harry stared in to Ginny's eyes for a moment, and then blinked. "It's done. If Dumbledore looks in your head, then he'll see... well, let's just say that he'll be pleasantly surprised.

"Let's go find Less-Ron." All three stood and walked out of the Great Hall, heading towards the DADA corridor, where Ginny walked in-between Harry and Hermione, reaching down to grasp both of their hands. As they approached, Harry dispelled the notice-me-not charm, and the kneeling Weasley looked up in distaste. Ginny smiled, a look of joy on her face.

"Oh, Ron, I've got such wonderful news!"

* * *

Ginny approached the door to Dumbledore's office with a little bit of apprehension; the last time she had been here, she'd had her mind messed with, and implanted with suggestions that were alien to her. She wasn't keen on a repeat performance. She knocked on the door.

"Ah, Miss Weasley, please, come in, take a seat." Dumbledore smiled, looking particularly grandfatherly today. "Lemon drop?"

"No, thank you, sir." _Drugged sweets aren't my favourite. _"You sent for me, sir?"

"I did. I was just curious as to how things are going at the moment."

"Very well, sir. My classes are all proceeding-"

"I have your class scores here, Miss Weasley." Dumbledore didn't look at all apologetic that he had interrupted her. "I have heard of an altercation between your brother and young Mr Potter."

"Andrew and Ron had a fight?" Ginny looked shocked.

"Not Andrew; Harry."

"He's not a Potter, sir. He's just... well... he's Harry. But I haven't heard anything about a fight."

Dumbledore stared Ginny straight in the eye as she said this, as his Legilimency crept in to her mind, to see an image that surprised him:

_Harry and Hermione were in one of the school's broom cupboards, kissing passionately, arms wrapped around each other in a tight embrace. In the throes of their passion, they didn't notice the bucket until they banged against it, knocking it to the ground with a clatter._

_Ginny, walking passed, heard the clatter and opened the door to see Harry and Hermione snogging away. She gasped, and the couple broke from the kiss, staring at the redhead with looks of shock on their face._

_"Ginny!"_

_She backed up quickly, but Harry reached out, grabbing her by the arm._

_"Please! I won't tell, I promise!"_

_Harry was smiling. "No, it's not that. I was wondering-"_

_"We!"_

_"We were wondering. Erm... would you like to join us?"_

_Ginny saw Hermione biting her bottom lip while idly toying with the buttons of her blouse, and Harry running his hand through his already-tussled hair, and she nodded shyly._

_"Excellent!" Harry took her in his arms, and kissed her passionately, while Hermione, standing behind her, wrapped her arms around Ginny's waist, slowly moving them up to her-_

Dumbledore blinked, breaking eye contact with the girl, a smile on his face. "Well, if you hear anything, then, please, let me know. I'm sure if you hurry, you can just make it to your History of Magic lesson." The dismissal was clear in his tone. Ginny nodded, and left the room. _Unexpected... But workable. As soon as Miss Weasley has the Amortentia, both Harry and Miss Granger will come around to my method of thinking._

* * *

Ginny next spoke to Harry and Hermione when she joined them at the Ravenclaw table for breakfast the next morning, when Harry noticed something about her that he was surprised to see. He subtly sniffed the air, and his guess was confirmed.

"So, how was the meeting with Dumbledore?"

"Exactly as you thought it would go. He asked me about the 'altercation between my brother and Mr Potter'. While he was doing that, I could feel him slip in to my mind. I told him that I knew nothing about it, and he thanked me, and sent me on my way."

"Excellent. And you slept soon after that meeting, didn't you? I mean, really soon after."

"Um, yeah, I did. I had History of Magic; I spend more time asleep in Binns' class than I do in my own dorm."

"I was afraid of this."

"What?"

"The false memory I put in your mind. When you slept, you dreamed it, didn't you?"

Ginny blushed to the roots of her hair, and nodded shyly.

"And this morning?"

Ginny Weasley was a smart girl and an accomplished liar, as anyone who spent time with the twins learned to be, but she knew that she'd been rumbled, and tried to leave the table as quickly as possible. Harry grabbed her hand, and stopped her.

"Stay, please." He waved his arm, casting a secrecy charm on the three of them. "I'm sorry, Ginny, I didn't mean to embarrass you."

"What is it?"

"Gin, do you want to explain?" She squeaked and shook her head, eyes firmly entrenched on her plate. "The memory I planted was of me and you, snogging in a broom cupboard. It was very complete in detail, and we were going at it hammer and tongs. Well, some hammer, but mainly tongues." Hermione's cheeks went a little pink, but she didn't object to the idea. _That's nice to know._ "Ginny heard us knock over a bucket, opened to door, spotted us, and tried to flee. I stopped her, and _we_ asked her to join us. Not just me, but us. She accepted. I didn't know if or when Dumbledore would stop viewing, so the memory concluded with the three of us demonstrating if we have the manual dexterity to play the piano. On each other."

By this point, Ginny had hunkered down on the bench, and Harry was seriously wondering about her feeling faint, since it appeared that most of her blood volume was trying to ensure that her blush was complete. Hermione was looking at Ginny with an odd smile on her face, her cheeks rosy.

"Was I any good?"

"Hermione!" Ginny stared at the older girl, a scandalised look on her face. Playful-Hermione was a new acquaintance of Ginny, who was used to Shy-Hermione, but having the playfulness come out in such a cringe-worthy moment was really not helping.

"So, what's that got to do with this morning?"

Ginny was again looking down, deciding whether to either a), run away, b), run away or c), Obliviate, and then run away. She responded with a comment that sounded suspiciously like 'murple'.

"What?"

"I said, I relived it this morning." Hermione looked confused until she saw Ginny's index and middle fingers beating a staccato on the table top, and realisation hit her like a freight train.

"Oh. _Oh!_ I see." Hermione reached across to Ginny, took her hand, and kissed her fingertips. Ginny looked shocked, but didn't yank her hand away, although she was extremely glad of the secrecy ward around her. "Don't be embarrassed."

"How can you say that?"

"Easily. I've spent the last four years being shunned by most of my housemates because of my beliefs about your ex. You spend a lot of time thinking when you're sitting in the library on your own. You also learn to enjoy your dreams and fantasies, because nobody can take them from you. Being shunned that much can damage you."

Ginny looked forlorn. "So can being possessed and forced to set a Basilisk on people."

"As being nothing but a dark-killer can damage you equally." Harry reached out, and the three joined hands. "Perhaps, together, three can heal each other's wounds."

"Or, at least, kiss them better..."

"Ginny!"

* * *

"You want me to _what?"_

"Play for us on Saturday."

"Hermione. Dear Hermione, in case you haven't noticed, I'm not a Ravenclaw. I'm not a student. I don't own a broom. How on earth do you think I could play Seeker?"

"I checked on your eyes; although Andrew needs to wear glasses, you don't, so your eyesight's either enhanced or flawless. You're already used to the G-forces due to your armour's flight mode, and you can beat 5 people in a duel, so the other team isn't going to intimidate you."

"Hermione, you've never seen me on a broom; I don't own one."

"Cho could lend you hers."

"Why isn't she playing?" Harry looked around the Ravenclaw common room, looking for the girl who had replaced Roger Davies as Captain while he was studying for his NEWTs. Of course, NEWT year didn't mean he wouldn't play, just that he wanted a little more free time for frantic panicking and studying. And maybe cramming in some extra panicking if he found the time.

"She was hexed in the hallway by someone. Whoever it was, he... well, he prevented her playing."

"How?"

"He used a concussive wave on her, blasted her in to a wall. She's got nerve damage in her back and the pressure wave ruptured her eardrums. She'll be fine, but not in time for Saturday's match."

"Look, Hermione, I'm not a player, I'm-"

"I'll do anything you want in return."

"-sure I'll be able to help, though." Harry grinned. "All right, if it means that much to you, I'll help." Hermione flung herself in to his arms, kissing him soundly. "Who's the opposition?"

"Slytherin. You'll be going up against Draco Malfoy."

"Oh, even better. I'll need to check some rules, though. I haven't actually used a broom, but I do have an alternative." He reached in to his pocket and pulled out his shrunken trunk, which quickly grew to full size. Rummaging around the inside, he yanked out a large flat... something. "I think this will give Slytherin a few problems!"

* * *

"Welcome, Ladies, Gentlemen and Slytherins to the Ravenclaw/Slytherin Quidditch match. I'm Lee Jordan, and I'm your commentator for today. This game is a little different than normal, as it features a non-student playing for a house team.

"For a bit of history, the current Seeker and Captain of Ravenclaw, Cho Chang, was attacked on her Prefect rounds early on Thursday morning, rendering her incapable of playing. As Ravenclaw have no back-up Seeker, an outside party was approached to serve. With special permission from Professor Dumbledore, this outside party has been granted permission to play for this last game of the season.

"Ravenclaw are currently 200 points behind Gryffindor in the Quidditch Cup standings, so it will need a strong debut performance from the substitute Seeker." Jordan called out the Slytherin players as they rocketed out on to the pitch, and then called out each Ravenclaw, finishing with "...and wearing Chang's number 7, in her honour, Seeker Harry!" The Ravenclaws and Hufflepuff's all cheered, then went silent as they saw Harry glide out of the player's locker room, standing on... something. A rustling sound was heard over the magical microphone. "I'm told that, as Harry has never used a broomstick before, he is allowed to use alternative equipment, provided that it meets with school and the IQF's current regulations, and Madam Hooch has confirmed that it does. Harry is using a Burton Un-Inc Coalition, size 56 with a sintered vision base and Park Fly III core." Jordan looked at the parchment with a puzzled look on his face, before scrunching the parchment in to a ball and throwing it over his shoulder. "No idea what that means, folks, but it should make for an interesting game."

Harry floated on the board, drifting upwards until he was facing Draco Malfoy. The blond was smirking. "What's the matter, Potter? Can't handle using a broom like a civilised wizard?"

"You know, Draco, the sooner you admit your fondness for phallic-shaped objects, the happier you'll be."

"After I get the snitch, Scarhead, I'll take great pleasure in watching your defeat by the Dark Lord."

"Seriously, Draco, get a phone, call Hollywood, 555-3212, and ask for Michael Goldenberg; he might be able to help you. I doubt it, but he might."

"Who's he?"

"A muggle scriptwriter; a good one. He might be able to assist you with some new material, because listening to the verbal effluence you've been spouting for the last few weeks, I'm wondering if you can smell what you're shovelling. It's like you swallowed a sewer."

"How dare you?" Draco asked, outraged as the sheer arrogance of this... this half-blood!

Harry was about to reply when the whistle blew, and then he was off, leaning forward on his board, charging towards the Slytherin goalposts, weaving in and out of the Ravenclaw Chasers, who were also charging forward in the Hawkshead Attacking Formation, basically a flying V. Roger Davies, Ravenclaw's Captain for the day, dropped the Quaffle in a letter-perfect Porskoff Ploy, just before swerving to avoid a Bludger hit by Crabbe, Bradley charging forward to retrieve the loose Quaffle, weaving between Vaisey and Warrington, twin Slytherin Chasers with room-temperature IQ's and the bodies of small mountains, before launching the Quaffle straight past Miles Bletchley.

"And that's 10 points to Ravenclaw!"

Harry shot round the stands, body in an L-shape as his board was out in front of him, zipping round the pitch quickly. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Draco Malfoy clutching on to his broom, knuckles white as he tore after Harry, not even searching for the Snitch, just trying to keep up with his opposite number. _Time for a little fun _he though, and flipped himself backwards, standing upright on his board once more while climbing at 50°, Malfoy's eyes shut as the wind pressed him backwards on his broom. Just as Montague, the third Slytherin Chaser, passed the Quaffle to Vaisey, Harry slid between the two, intercepting the Quaffle, passing it to Davies before slowing, looking around for-

"Another 10 points for Ravenclaw!"

-the Snitch. "Oh, shite hawk!" Harry suddenly dived forwards, weaving around Goyle, dodging the Bludger that he sent Harry's way. _Sure, he might need to be taken to the toilet and shown how to work a zipper, but man, can he hit a ball. _Harry suddenly grabbed the nose of his board, yanking it up, executing a perfect 360 standing tail spin while Draco suddenly hit the ground, the nose of his broom burying itself while Malfoy was catapulted in to the air before slamming in to the turf.

Harry was zipping along the grass while the Slytherins called a time-out, Harry's slaloming providing amusement for the crowd. He knew that if anyone examined his board, they'd see that it could fly in a perfectly straight line, but that did take some of the fun out of sky-boarding. As Draco was tugging furiously on the bristle end of his broom, trying to free it from the ground's iron-grip, Harry slowed to a stop, hovering just out of reach.

"It's not going so well, is it, little Dragon? Enjoy your dirt nap?"

"Sod off, Scarhead. You just got lucky that time."

Harry waved his arm, the broom suddenly freeing itself, Malfoy stumbling backwards, landing on his bum, hard. "Well, then, Draco, mount up, and let's see how you'll enjoy a second turfing." As Harry shot in to the sky, he felt a sudden sharp pressure in his back, and fell forwards, performing a mildly impressive barrel roll on his board.

"Foul!" Jordan sounded outraged. "Montague, the dirty snake-"

"Jordan!"

"-Montague, the snake who I'm sure has bathed sometime in the current lunar cycle, has been called for a penalty for cobbing, excessive use of elbows. Davies takes the shot, and, yes, it's another 10 points for Ravenclaw. 30 points to zero for the Birds, and they seem to be holding their own out there, even with an untested Seeker. Chambers is now flying forward, unusually far forward for a Beater, and... Yes, I don't believe it, a Beater Backbeat!" Jordan sounded amazed. "Hitting a Bludger backwards, and he's managed to knock the Quaffle free of Warrington's grip, and Eddie Carmichael's picked up the loose Quaffle, a nice Reverse Pass there to Bradley, who executes a Sloth Grip Roll, avoiding Goyle's Bludger, and-"

Harry suddenly dived, arms outstretched to catch the suddenly descending Paul Bradley. Holding Bradley over his shoulder, Harry climbed, chasing after the rapidly slowing broom. Paul climbed on to the broom, rubbing the back of his head. "Thanks, Harry."

"Foul! Vaisey skinned Bradley, and if not for quick action by the Seeker, that could've been a serious injury. Davies takes the penalty, and it's 40-nil to Ravenclaw! The Birds certainly are determined to win this game fair and square, and Slytherin? Well, it appears as though they're determined to win this game. Full stop."

"You see, Scarhead? Your bunch of squibs can barely keep up with pureblood Quidditch players."

"And you can barely keep up with me. Catch me if you can, rat-face!" Harry charged forwards, arms behind him, body low, pushing his board for every ounce of speed it held, Draco trying desperately to keep up with the blue blur in front of him. The advantage for Harry was that he could decide where he wanted to go, while Draco could only chase, and then only by pushing his broom well beyond sensible levels. Harry found himself paying less attention to the game as he concentrated on weaving in and out of players, breaking up the occasional Slytherin attack, but mainly focusing on terrifying Draco.

"The score is now 60-10 to Ravenclaw, and if Ravenclaw find the Snitch now, they'll take the Cup." Lee Jordan didn't sound too impressed with this, but, he had to admit, the Ravenclaws had played hard but fair, good, clean Quidditch for the entire season, and Harry was working himself as hard as any of them.

Harry dived again, aiming at the ground, before pulling up, and then climbing suddenly. Draco congratulated himself on avoiding another turfing, before he realised that Harry was climbing for the Snitch, which was corkscrewing rapidly, trying to avoid the blue-clad Seeker. Chasing after the Snitch, Malfoy realised he was badly outclassed, but it was too late; Harry had stopped, holding the Snitch is his hand, his arm pumping up and down in the air in celebration. The Snitch was his.

Slytherin was crushed.

Landing in front of Roger Davies, the older boy threw his arms around Harry, tears glistening in his eyes. The rest of the team crowded around him, but made room for the bushy-haired missile that pounced on Harry, literally trying to inhale his tonsils, as she kissed him rather enthusiastically. Following her at a more sedate place was Cho Chang, a smile lighting her face up. Harry stood at the back of his board, and took her hand, pulling her on to it, raising it slowly in to the air to head towards the Teacher's box, where Filius Flitwick was holding the Quidditch Cup, nearly as large as he was, with a smile on his face. He handed the cup to Chang, and Harry floated the board back down to the Ravenclaw team.

"I think a lap of honour would be appropriate." Harry stepped off the board, and it started to rise in to the air again. "Don't worry about balance, you can't fall off, and I'll guide it from down here. Go, celebrate with your team."

Cho grabbed his hand, and pulled him on to the board. "This is as much your victory as it is mine. You're a Ravenclaw, now. Be proud." Looking down, she saw Hermione Granger blowing kisses at Harry, and made a mental note to thank the girl. Ravenclaw were the Champions.

* * *

"You've no idea how hard it was, standing there, surrounded by Andrew's sycophants wanting Slytherin to win, just so that you get defeated." Ginny shuddered; she couldn't believe that she'd been smitten with Potter, had given him the greatest gift she had, only for him to turn in to the world's most arrogant idiot, her brother Ron vying for the crown also.

"You're right, but if I offer to kiss it better, would that help?"

"It might." Hermione leaned forward and kissed Ginny, soft and tender rather than the lung-searing smooch she'd given Harry, but Ginny made a little sigh once the kiss was broken, and she appeared a little better.

"By the way, Nurse Granger, I think I've gotten a bruise from those nasty men playing with their balls on a field. Could you kiss it better?" Harry tapped his neck just beneath his ear, and Hermione kissed him soundly, Ginny copying her movements on the other side of his neck. "Ah, Nurse Weasley, just there." Harry let out a contented noise, not a sigh or moan, but a blending of the two. Without even realising it, his arms were around both girls' waists, and he was holding them close.

"What the hell is this?!"

Harry looked up to see Andrew and Ron staring at him, a sneer etched on their faces. Andrew had heard from Ron about Harry and his ex with the Mudblood, but to actually happen upon it was infuriating; his ex-girlfriend, the glory chasing slut, the Mudblood, who had refused his best friends' advances, even though Ron was a Pureblood and therefore a worthy match, and his despised twin, who should've had the decency to die when he ran away.

"Oh, hey, it's the New Marauders. Please, don't hurt my fists on your faces, guys."

"Ginny, get away from him right now. I don't care what you think or feel, get away from that traitor."

"Oh, Ron. You just don't learn, do you?" Ginny pulled her wand with an impressive quickdraw, and pointed it at her brother. "Mucosa Chiroptera!" The grey-green spell his Ron in the face, and two green lumps fell out of his nostrils, suddenly enlarging to the size of his fist, then unfurling large, leathery wings, trying to strike the unfortunate boy in the face. Ron ran down the corridor, flapping his arms as if trying to take off, a disturbingly feminine screech coming from his mouth.

"I'll make you pay, you bastard. You can have my old skank, I've already plumbed her depths, so you're not getting anything special. If you want to dirty yourself with the Mudblood, that's okay, too. As for what you did to Dad? Well, I'm sure he'd just love it if I took care of you here and now." Andrew launched a stunner, watching in concern as Harry just swatted it away as if it were a pesky fly.

Harry pointed his hand at his brother, casting an unnoticed Body Bind, leaving him standing there at his brother's (currently non-existent) mercy. "Oh, dear. You really don't learn, do you?" Harry slowly elevated Andrew forwards, until he was hanging in front of Ginny. He turned and smiled at her. "I think you remember what to do."

Ginny took a step backwards and then forwards, her knee smashing in to his testicles with bone-jarring force. Andrew was unable to make a sound, but his eyes suddenly clouded in undisguised pain. Hermione stepped forwards, and slapped him across the face, hard, wincing as her hand was smarting due to contact with an inanimate object. She pulled her wand, and transfigured his t-shirt so that it read 'I get beaten up by girls, and have been hit in the balls so many times, I'm now more effeminate that they are'.

"Beautiful. And I'm not talking about the shirt." Harry kneeled down, and looked his prone brother in the eye. "Let me make this frighteningly simple for you. You've had over a decade of being the big fish of this piddling little pond. Now, there's actually something at stake, and so it's time for someone to step up and make a difference. If you're lucky, you'll learn this while you still have a chance at having kids. But make no mistake, if you continue to fuck with me or the girls, I'll not even leave you enough gristle to piss through. Understood?" He paused for a moment. "Oh, you can't talk. Well, if you agree, say nothing." Harry looked at his brother, who did not look impressed. "Good. That's settled."

Harry walked down the corridor with the two girls linking arms, a smile on his face. Walking towards Ravenclaw tower, he was stopped by McGonagall.

"What's new, Pussycat?"

"What happened with Mr Weasley? He just tore past me, waving at a bat." She looked at Ginny with a sly look on her face. "You wouldn't happen to know what happened, would you, Miss Weasley?"

"Ron decided to disconnect the filter between his brain and his mouth. Unfortunately, that meant that we had a blast of pure Ron."

Minerva McGonagall had spent enough time with the various Weasleys to learn a very valid and important lesson; never annoy Ginevra Weasley. Her Bat Bogey hex was embarrassing, painful, and unstoppable, a trainee Unforgivable. Her experience with the Weasleys had also taught her that Ronald Weasley had never bothered to learn the art of tact or subtlety. "I see. Well, next time, make sure I can't see him being chased by his own mucus; it's a bit of an appetite killer." She smiled. "Carry on."

Harry, not wanting to look a gift horse in the mouth, took the girls' hands, and headed toward the Ravenclaw common room. There was a party about to happen, and he was invited. He had friends, he had familiars, and he was welcome. For the first time in Harry's life, he felt... loved.


	16. Voldemort Attacks! Badly!

– **CHAPTER FIFTEEN –**

_**Voldemort Attacks! Badly!**_

"Report."

"My Lord, the boy has refused your invitation." Lucius felt anger colour his face. "His refusal was most emphatic. According to my son, he said, and I quote, 'I have every intention of kicking his scaly arse until he gets fed up, takes back his ball and goes home.'"

_"Crucio!"_ The spell hit Malfoy, who dropped to the ground, shaking and trembling in agony. "Anything else you wish to tell me, Lucius?"

The man, visibly weakened and shaken, dragged himself back to his knees. "Yes, my Lord. Draco also reports that he was assaulted by the boy, and that Severus walked by and did nothing to assist him."

Voldemort wheeled round to the Potions Master, who, due to sheer force of will, did not flinch away, knowing that the punishment for that was an enthusiastic application of the Cruciatus. "Is this true, Severus?"

"It is, my Lord."

Voldemort fingered his wand slowly, almost lovingly. "I would be most interested in to hear the reasoning for your behaviour."

"Dumbledore has ordered me to avoid interfering in anything to do with Harry. I did not feel it prudent to jeopardise my position in Hogwarts just to tend to Lucius' son when he provokes someone to action." Snape was sweating under his mask. "My only concern was to ensure my master's wishes in Hogwarts, rather than risk them for a single child."

"You were correct, Severus. I shall deal with this arrogant child myself. And Lucius, I am displeased with your son's ineffectual attempts. _Crucio!_"

* * *

Hermione swept the comb through Ginny's wet hair, slowly teasing the tangles out of the long crimson waves. The two were having a girly night in the prefect's bathroom, Hermione fairly confident that no-one would complain of Ginny, being a non-prefect, being in there.

It was a surprise to her that she was not at all embarrassed by the fact that, at several times during the evening, she and Ginny had enjoyed several snogging sessions, little touches and caresses exploring each other's bodies. _I guess I thought we'd both chase after Harry, but, Merlin, there's some quixotic fire about this girl._ Hermione would've been surprised by the thoughts running through Ginny's mind, which were similar, but considerably baser, than the older girl's.

"So, how'd I look?"

Hermione didn't answer, simply leaning in to give Ginny a lung-searing kiss. "That's Kissish for 'you look gorgeous.'"

"I'm not very good with languages," she reply with an impish look on her face. "I'm quite good with French, though." She pulled Hermione towards her, kissing her passionately, her small tongue sparring with Hermione's, hands pressing on her back, sliding down to her bum, squeezing gently-

"Well, look at this."

The girls broke apart at the voice, both staring at the doorway, to see Andrew Potter and Ron Weasley, wands drawn and pointed at them.

Andrew summoned the girls' wands as Ron's face was red with rage. "Ginny, I can't believe you're... you're a..." He cast a body-bind on his sister, fully intending to deal with her later. "And you, Hermione. What did you do to her? Use the Imperious? It's all Harry's fault, turning her in to a dyke."

_Harry! Help me! _She called out with her mind, hoping against hope that he could hear her. Andrew Potter strode towards her, a terrible look on his face.

"Well well, Granger, looks like nobody here to save you this time, does it?" He cast a body-bind on her, and stood behind her, pressing himself against her barely-dressed form. "Now, what's a guy to do with a Mudblood like you? Give you to Ron? Enjoy you myself?"

"Well, personally, I'd run like hell, but that's just me."

Andrew raised his wand and placed the tip against Hermione's throat, staring at his twin, who'd just walked through the door. Ron, standing over his sister, pointed his wand at Harry.

"Really, Weasley, attacking your own sister. And you, Potter? Attacking one of my girlfriends. Now, I'm fairly certain that I've explained to you what would happen if you bothered my girls again. You appear to have ignored that."

"It doesn't matter." He tightened his arm around Hermione, pushing the wand further in to the soft flesh of her neck, causing her to moan in pain. "How are you going to get past her to get to me?"

A brief silent flash of fire behind Andrew made Harry smile. "I don't have to."

Shari morphed back to her human form, grabbing hold of Andrew's hand, crushing three of the bones as she wrenched his hand backwards, away from Hermione's neck. He winced in pain and dropped his wand, spinning round to face his assailant. "A vampire?"

Hermione surged forwards, throwing her arms around Harry's neck. He used her momentum to spin her around, leaving her behind him. He walked towards Ron, an amused look on his face as the tip of the redhead's wand wavered madly, like he was trying to direct an invisible orchestra. Harry batted the wand to one side, and leaned forward, headbutting Ron hard, watching him stumble backwards, hands covering his blood-covered face.

"Shari, that's enough."

Andrew wheeled round to find his brother behind, and the look on his face was beyond frightening. He tried to punch, but Harry's shield flared at the impact, sending an electric shock down his arm, reminding him of the broken bones in his hand. Tears started to leak from his eyes.

"I warned you, and you chose not the listen. What am I going to do with you?"

"I was just-"

Harry pointed his finger at Andrew's crotch. _"Impotens!"_ A pale blue bolt of light impacted into his groin.

"What did you just do?" There was panic in his voice.

"Oh, I just made sure that, what you threatened to do to Hermione, you won't be doing to anyone else. Right now, you've got enough left to pee through. Anything else? Well, have you tried playing snooker with a rope?"

Ginny, released from her body-bind by Hermione, stood next to Harry, wrapping one arm around his back while placing the other on his chest, slowly sliding it down, over his stomach to rest on his crotch. "He's doing the girls in this castle a favour. Harry's a superb lover, caring, considerate, and large. You're just... well... crap."

"You can leave now, limp-dick." Harry's tone was mocking, victorious, and smug. Andrew, a wet patch on the front of his robes, started forward. "Take the weasel with you." The two fled the bathroom, leaving Harry alone with the girls. Hermione threw her arms around Harry and Ginny, and the three stood there, hugging, the stress they'd all been feeling slowly bleeding away.

"Thanks, Shari. Although now that you've been spotted, you'll need to be careful now, a Potter knows there's a vampire in the castle."

"Knowing I'm here and finding me are two different things, but I'll be careful." She changed in to her cat form and sauntered out of the door, leaving the three alone.

"How did you know we were in trouble? Did you hear me telepathically?" Hermione's voice was slightly muffled from her mouth being right next to his neck, but he easily understood.

"Nope, it wasn't me. It was Hedwig. She heard you and flamed right next to me in the forest. She dropped me off and went for Shari."

"What did you do to him?"

"Hit him with an impotence curse. I normally don't vocalise, but I thought he might like to hear it. It'll only last an hour or so, but right now, I imagine he's heading straight for a copy of Play-Wizard to check, and he'll find not an awful lot happens." He hugged the girls for a moment longer, enjoying the physical contact. "Erm, Ginny, you can move your hand now, if you like."

"Thanks," she murmured.

Harry closed his eyes as he felt the hand move, then opened them suddenly as the hand grabbed hold of his zip, slowly sliding it down, while Hermione fumbled with his belt buckle.

"Wha-"

"Shhh." Hermione looked him in the eye and kissed him, and then Ginny. "You've saved the damsels, defeated the bad guys, and now you get the girls."

A squelch behind him indicated a locking charm on the door, as the girls led him to the still-full bath, his trousers disappearing on the way. Hermione looked at him, an impish look on her face.

"How's your piano playing?"

* * *

"Mr. Potter, I cannot express how disappointed I am in you. Attacking two students without provocation, bringing a vampire through the wards, and casting a spell on young Mr. Potter that, if you were a student, I would try and have you expelled. What do you have to say for yourself?"

Harry looked around Dumbledore's office, not really surprised to see it quite full. It had been two days since the bathroom incident, two days since the girls had shown Harry exactly what they thought of him, and he'd been walking on clouds. The clouds were dissipating now, as all three Potters, McGonagall, Snape, Hermione and four Weasleys, Molly, Arthur, Ron and Ginny, were placed in the small space.

"Well, the first thing I have to say is that I am not a Potter. I refuse to lower myself with that surname. Secondly, a lesson you might want to remember. Understanding is a three-edged sword. My version of events, their version of events, and the truth. You're a Legilimens of some modest talent. How can you have not learnt the truth? I know you routinely probe the minds of most people here."

A sharply drawn breath alerted Albus to a thundering look on Molly's face, and he shook his head. _I really did not intend for that to come out._

"At least Professor Snape here only practises it on his Slytherins or people who he knows has done something wrong." Not exactly true, but Harry had a truce with the man, and it got Dumbledore in to more trouble. "So, in that case, you've already found out the truth, that Less-Ron attacked his own sister, that Andrew had Hermione with a wand to her throat, and was threatening to rape her, or lend her to Ron, for the same purpose.

"You'll also know that Shari disabled the threat of his wand with minimal injuries that were easily treatable, and that no lasting damage was caused."

Harry placed both of his palms flat on Dumbledore's desk, and leaned forward. "So, tell me, old man, who's going to be punished, here? The defender, or the two potential rapists?"

Harry stood back, folding his arms across his chest as Mount Molly erupted, grabbing Ron by his ear so hard he lost his balance, as she started yelling at full volume about his disgracing of the Weasley name. Out of the corner of his eye, Harry saw James and Lily saying nothing, which led him to believe they already knew what had happened, and weren't prepared to say anything about it, at least in public.

The fireplace in the office flared to life, and Cornelius Fudge's face appeared in the flames. "Dumbledore, we need you at the Ministry, now. You-Know-Who was here, broke out all of the prisoners."

"Any casualties?"

"Four dead, thirteen wounded."

"Didn't you say in the Prophet, about the Boy-Who-Lies? I thought that he wasn't back."

"Silence, boy! I'm the Minister for Magic, my word is-"

"Useless. You've known for nearly a year that he's back. I worked bloody hard to keep this twit alive in that graveyard, and he couldn't even convince you of Voldemort's return."

The fireplace flared for a moment, and a different face appeared.

"Albus, V-V-Voldemort's in Hogsmeade right now. He's marching on the school." Aberforth Dumbledore was whispering, hiding in the cellar beneath his pub.

A crescendo of voices made it difficult to think, but Harry pointed his arm at the window, a blasting curse shattering the glass. "Get your people, old man. I can't stand you as a person, but you're pretty handy in a scrap." He stood on the window ledge, blowing a kiss at Hermione and Ginny, before raising him vambrace to his face. "Flight mode!" He jumped, and shot towards Hogsmeade.

Dumbledore looked at Snape, who shook his head, indicating that he wasn't aware of either raid. "Contact the rest of the Order. We need to get to Hogsmeade."

* * *

"You know, Tom, you're disturbing my afternoon." Harry had disillusioned himself, watching Voldemort walk down the street, blasting hexes reducing buildings to rubble. The Death Eaters, washing over the town like a black wave of destruction, herded the citizens of Hogsmeade towards Hogwarts. Harry landed between the fleeing citizens and the Death Eaters, his disillusionment fading, forcing them to stop short.

"Ah, Harry Potter. It's been a long time."

"Not nearly long enough." Harry raised his pistol, pointing it at Voldemort, who looked at the weapon with distaste.

"You seem to be badly outnumbered. Surrender, and join me. Between the two of us, we would be invincible. We could rule forever."

"You see, there's just one problem with that. I don't actually like you. You tried to kill me 15 years ago. How, precisely, is that a good way to start negotiations?"

"A misunderstanding."

Harry pointed his gun behind him, almost stroking the trigger, as he shot the pair of Death Eaters trying to flank him. "And those two? Are they a misunderstanding too?"

"My men are enthusiastic to usher in the New Order."

Harry felt a tendril of Legilimency smash like a cannonball in to his mental shields, which held under the onslaught. "You know, Tom, you should really learn. I am nothing like the Potters. My strength is as the strength of ten, because my heart is pure. I'm a good man." He shot a Death Eater who raised his wand. "Well, I'm an okay man."

"Kill him." Voldemort looked at his Death Eaters, who hadn't moved. "Now!"

The Death Eaters all raised their wands and started launching curses, Harry's shields flaring brightly under the onslaught. A volley of thunder rolled across the town, the Beretta belching fire and fury, bullets smashing in to the attackers, thinning their numbers quickly.

Dumbledore appeared with James Potter, Arthur Weasley and Minerva McGonagall, all clutching on to Fawkes' tail, and immediately started launching curses, forcing the Death Eaters to stop their continuous casting to start raising shields.

The battle continued to rage, the Order members succumbing to sheer numbers, Weasley down with a shattered thigh, McGonagall wheezing due to an asphyxiating curse that, while not fatal, was causing her difficulty in breathing, and Potter out cold, a blasting hex causing a lump of guttering to collapse on top of him.

Dumbledore was showing his full power, cursing and moving, shielding and striking, but he was heavily outnumbered, unable to go on the offensive without risking defeat.

"Come on, Tom, surely you can do better than this, letting your minions do all the work." Harry was systematically culling the Death Eaters, the original fifty down to eleven, most of whom were engaged against Dumbledore. "What's the matter? Afraid of little old me?"

"You will die, Potter." Voldemort ambled forward, wand pointed towards the ground. "I'm sure you don't want me to kill you, do you?" Harry said nothing, eyes narrowed, pointing his pistol. A shot rang out, deflecting off a silver shield. "Your feeble weapon won't work against me, Potter. I think you should drop it." Voldemort gestured with his wand. "_Imperio!_ Now, drop the gun."

"I don't think so." Harry thumbed the selector, and turned it to 'full auto'. A rolling volley of thunder shot out, Voldemort's shield ringing like a bell.

"Crucio!"

Harry stopped shooting, and let out a burp, long and intense. "That's better." He smacked his lips together a few times, and grimaced. "Should not have had the lasagne."

_"Avada Kedavra!"_ The bright green of the Killing Curse washed over Harry, who blinked.

"You really don't get it, do you?" Harry stalked forwards, ignoring the other Death Eaters and Dumbledore, who had stopped duelling, watching what was happening. "You are nothing. You cannot harm me." Harry's pistol sounded, a bullet smashing in to Voldemort's arm, forcing him to drop his wand. He screamed, a high-pitched girly sound.

"Impossible. I'm invincible."

Another bullet sounded, ripping through Voldemort's knee, which exploded in a shower of blood and gore. "Nobody is invincible. You're powerful, I'll give you that." A third bullet tore Voldemort's other knee to ragged ruin, and the Dark Lord fell backwards, landing in a slump. "But in the end, there can only be one." He raised his weapon, and pointed it at Voldemort's head. "I choose it to be me." A long burst tore through his scalp, obliterating his head, and a large portion of his neck. He turned towards the remaining Death Eaters, who all grabbed their portkeys, fleeing the scene as quickly as possible.

"Harry, that was sensational!" The citizens of Hogsmeade were watching, students of Hogwarts all crowding through the masses, while Hermione and Ginny, ignoring school rules to avoid leaving the grounds, flew towards him, hugging him tightly.

"Are you okay?" Tears streaked down both of the girls faces, having seen all three Unforgivable Curses fired at their boyfriend.

"I'm fine." He kissed them both. "Seriously, I'm okay. Come on, back to the castle. I'm sure the old man is going to want to bore... er, I mean, talk to me." Slowly, the three walked through the crowd, which was cheering itself hoarse over his victory. Arm in arm, the trio made their way back to Dumbledore's office, the girls ready for an explanation.

* * *

"He's not gone. Not fully."

Dumbledore frowned; he'd just seen Voldemort 'filled full of lead'. "Explain."

Harry ran his hand through his hair, revealing his curse scar, which was red and enflamed. "His body is gone, just like 15 years ago, but his spirit's still here. I can feel it."

The office was nearly as full as the last meeting, but several members of the Order were currently in the Hospital Wing, being attended by the skills of Madam Pomfrey. "How did you survive the Killing Curse a second time?"

Harry raised his arm, and Fawkes flew from his perch, landing on him. "Your beautiful friend here. He donated a feather to me years ago, which is inside my body. Think of my entire body as a wand. You know what happens when brother wands duel each other."

Dumbledore looked amazed, and stunned. "They won't work against each other."

"And so, Voldemort's curses just washed over me. I could've fired a spell back and gone in to _Priori Incantatem_, but I didn't see the point. He's disabled, for the moment. I just worry about another resurrection." Harry looked Dumbledore in the eye. "Do I have to worry about you believing I'm going dark, for killing Death Eaters?"

Dumbledore was in a quandary; normally, casualties of any kind were an anathema to him, but the reports from Hogsmeade were disturbing; 36 dead, 118 wounded. In retaliation, 8 Death Eaters were killed, 15 more were in critical condition, and the rest were wounded.

"No, I don't believe you do. We shall announce that Voldemort has been defeated, and we'll work behind the scenes to remove the threat permanently. I trust you're willing to place yourself under my command until Voldemort has been destroyed?"

Harry laughed, a long sound filled with derision, rather than mirth. "My work here is done, for now. I came back to the Wizarding World to stop Voldemort, as he was running around unchecked. Now, he's most definitely checked." He reached down, holding on to Ginny's and Hermione's hands. "The only things that interests me now are my friends and girlfriends. If you and Fudge want to start politicking, then, by all means, have fun, but do not even think of trying to involve me." He walked out of the room, his girlfriends walking with him, filled with love and pride for their man. They grabbed his hands, and pulled him towards the Prefect's bathroom, naughty glint's in their eyes. They were going to show him how filled they were, and, if they were lucky, he was going to fill them in return.


	17. Ripples in Time and the Hot Tub

– CHAPTER SIXTEEN –

**_Ripples in Time (and the Hot Tub)_**

Harry sat in the hot-tub, feeling the water swirl around his body, massaging his stiff muscles. Meanwhile, Ginny, having swallowed a large quantity of Gillyweed, was currently under the water, firmly gripping Harry's knees while massaging another stiff muscle. Hermione, not to be outdone, was also sat in the hot-tub, but it appeared as though she was enjoying Harry's tender ministrations.

"S-so, H-h-harry, what h-happens now?"

"Well, I think in just a few sec-" Harry was interrupted by Hermione grabbing hold of his arm as her orgasm tore through her, almost concussing herself as her head slammed backwards on the side of the tub.

"As I was saying, in a few seconds, you'll cum. It's very rude to interrupt." Hermione's smile looked like it would take surgery to remove, but she kept her hand pressed against his, rubbing it against her centre slowly.

Suddenly, Ginny, who knew it was impolite to talk with her mouth full, started humming that Celestina Warbeck classic, 'No Woman, No Splat', and Harry suddenly was twitching like he was being electrified, before finding his release, and Ginny shot out of the water, a huge grin on her face, singing:

_"Weasley is our Queen,_

_Weasley is our Queen,_

_Harry's torpedo's nice and clean,_

_Because Weasley is our Queen!"_

Harry looked at Hermione, and shrugged. "Nothing to do with me; I don't play Quidditch normally."

Hermione lightly cuffed him on the back of his head, and then snuggled in to his side, Ginny doing the same thing on his other side. "Harry, tell me something."

"Sure; Dog spit is cleaner than human."

"Not that, you prat."

"Erm... Don't eat yellow snow?"

"That's pretty basic." Hermione wrinkled her nose cutely. "No, I want to know about... well..."

"What is it? There're three of us, naked, in a hot tub. Two of us have orgasmed in the last 3 minutes, and all three of us have in the last half hour. This really isn't the time to get shy."

"Tell me about the Potters. Tell me why you had to leave."

"Are you sure? It's not the best of stories."

"Harry, we both really care about you. We want to know _you_, not the Hunter."

"Well, okay. Firstly, a bit of background; as part of my Occlumency training, you have to organise your thoughts, and they way you remember things. I have a photographic memory, and can recall things in nearly perfect clarity. You mind records everything, dreams, memories, visions, it's all in your head, waiting to come out. With advanced Occlumency, you can remember them. Hell, I even remember that Halloween:

* * *

_Voldemort blasted his way in to the house, the solid oak door being smashed in to kindling. The house, protected under the ancient magic of the Fidelius charm, had been betrayed, the Secret Keeper, Peter Pettigrew, revealing the secret as soon as the charm was cast. Now, it was time to destroy the wretches who could threaten his reign._

_His spy, Severus Snape, had managed to secure the first part of a prophecy concerning him, and he was planning on culling all possible children the prophecy could imply, starting with the Potter brats. Starting with a fake firecall by Pettigrew to his old 'friend', Sirius Black, Voldemort had managed to get the house empty; James and Lily Potter had gone through the fireplace to Sirius' house, and now couldn't get back through the floo; it would take several minutes for them to be able to apparate back to their property, and that was several minutes more than he needed._

_Climbing the stairs, he saw a plaque on the door at the top of the stairs, with 'Handy-Andy!' and 'Harry-Carry!' written on it. The nursery._

_Kicking the door down, Voldemort saw two babies in romper suits, one in brown, one in green, matching their eyes. Recognising the brown-eyed baby as being more similar to James, the Pureblood, and more likely to be the greater threat, he pointed his wand at the child._

"Crucio!"

_The baby screamed and screamed, a high-pitched keening wail that signified pure agony. Voldemort shuddered. _Such sweet music...

_"Now, pay attention, child. This curse is important, and I shall have to teach it to you now, as you won't get a second chance. The incantation is Avada, hard V, Kedavra, emphasise the 'da'." The child was whimpering. "PAY ATTENTION!" Andrew, nerves firing randomly and his nerves sending signals that his brain had no idea how to process, fell backwards, landing firmly on his bottom, and looking at the yelling man._

"Avada Kedavra!"

_A rushing sound, a flash of green, and suddenly, everything was dark._

* * *

"That doesn't really tell us much, Harry. We already know what happened."

"No, Ginny, you know what the Potters have revealed. You don't know what was going through my mind at the time."

"Do tell."

* * *

_Harry, sharing his crib with his brother, looked up and smiled when the door opened. _

Mama? Mama bring biscuit. _A man in black robes entered the Nursery, holding a stick like Dada had. Harry clapped his hands, hoping that the man was going to become a pointy head. He loved Dada's pointy head._

_Suddenly, Anda started screaming, thrashing his small body, his flailing arm hitting Harry in the stomach. _Hurts.

_The man started speaking, and then shouted; Harry flinched. Unca Wormy sometimes shouted, and Harry didn't like it. A green glow started glowing at the end of the stick, and Harry was scared. _No hurt Anda

_He toddled over, putting himself between the glow and his brother, and then suddenly, pain, unlike anything he'd ever felt, ripped through him, and he saw the green light bounce of his head and hit the man, who blew up. The wooden railed of the crib was shredded, a large chunk bouncing off of his brother's chest, leaving a massive V cut in to the flesh, and Harry knew no more._

* * *

"That's it? That's how the mighty Andrew Potter defeated V-Voldemort? He got hit in the chest?"

"Pretty much. Voldemort blew up; not sure exactly what happened, but it was spectacular. Anyway, Lily, James and Sirius turned up, Moony about a minute behind them. They saw the empty robes of Voldemort, Andrew unconscious, bleeding on the bed, and me, also unconscious, but they thought I was still asleep." Harry shrugged. "Dumbledore turns up, the doddering old fart, declares Andrew the Boy-Who-Lived, and issues an arrest warrant for Pettigrew.

"Ironically, it's Sirius who finds him, two days later in Harrow. One detonated gas-pipe later, Sirius is being questioned, his wand examined, and Pettigrew's dragging his dirty little arse to Diagon Alley, where a young boy will pick up this rat, as a pet."

Ginny snorted in disgust.

"Yeah, remind me to send your brother a nice, appropriate gift. Say, about a hundred-weight of dynamite?" Harry laughed to himself, and kissed Ginny on the temple. "Anyway, Sirius is cleared on any wrongdoings and is helping lead the search for Pettigrew, and he's away a lot. Andrew is the saviour of the Wizarding World, and James and Lily are forever at book signings, interviews, publicity events, you name it, and they're there."

"What about you?" Hermione asked in a small voice.

"I'm at home with Uncle Moony. He couldn't get a job, because he's a werewolf, and Lily and James both thought it best that he not be seen in public with them, as it might 'taint' the perception of the invincible Boy-Who-Lived."

"That's bullshit. Professor Lupin is brave, and caring, and smart, and..." Hermione trailed off as her cheeks started to turn a beautiful shade of pink.

"...and as sexy as all get out?" Ginny teased gently.

Hermione made no response, other than to increase her blush; Harry was sure he could feel the water getting warmer around her.

"Anyway, they decided that having him noticed by the public might not be the best idea, so he was my babysitter. They moved me in to what had been a large cupboard, and after all the press pictures of the room with the damaged crib, they put that in my cupboard, while Andrew got something new."

"That's horrible!"

"I know. I was there, remember? Anyway, I asked Moony one night, when he was tucking me in...

* * *

_"Unca Mooey?"_

_"Yes, Harry?"_

_"Am I bad?"_

_"No, of course not. You're a very good boy."_

_"Do I smell?"_

_Remus leaned over, making loud sniffles on Harry's stomach, before blowing a huge raspberry, leaving Harry shrieking with laughter._

_"Nope, this old nose never lies, Harry. In fact, you sm-" Remus was cut off by the cupboard door opening, and James sticking his head inside._

_"Do you mind, Remus? We've just put Andrew down, and he doesn't need this noise; he's got a press conference tomorrow."_

_"Sorry, James."_

_The elder Potter left the room, the door closing hard, making Harry jump._

_Remus turned away from the door to see Harry with tears leaking from his eyes. "I try be good. Why don't Mama and Dada love me?"_

_"Oh, Harry, they do love you. They're just... well... they're busy at the moment. People want to know about Andrew. As soon as it quietens down, they'll show you. And Uncle Padfoot loves you."_

_"Unca Pafoot mean. Ignores me."_

_Remus desperately wanted to deny _that_ claim, but found he couldn't; ever since Andrew defeated the Dark Lord, Sirius had been enamoured with him, at the cost of virtually forgetting about Harry and, even worse, James and Lily were moving in the same direction._

_"I love you, Harry. I always will."_

_Harry grabbed on to Remus and hugged him with every ounce of strength his young body had, desperately seeking reassurance that he was, indeed, loved._

_"Love you, Unca Mooey."_

_Remus smiled as he brushed the hair back on Harry's forehead, making sure it didn't go near Harry's eyes in the night._

_"G'night, little man."_

* * *

Both Ginny and Hermione had tears in their eyes, shocked that anyone could abandon a child.

"Hey, don't worry about it. I grew up in spite of them, not because of them. They have no power over me now."

"But you shouldn't have had to go through that on your own."

"I didn't. I had Moony. God knows I needed him, and he was there. It was worse on my birthdays."

"Worse? How can it get worse?"

"Well..."

* * *

_Harry snuck down the stairs, having picked the lock on his cupboard door (a Marauder tradition, apparently), and heard a sudden rush of laughing coming from the kitchen. As he opened the door, he saw a huge banner reading 'Happy Birthday, Andrew (4)!' floating in the middle of the room. Harry saw that the table was pull of plates, each with different breakfast foods on it; bacon, sausage, eggs, tomatoes, beans, fried bread, French toast and pancakes, along with various different juices._

_Having experienced this last year, Harry wandered up to the fridge to get the milk for some cereal, when he saw a huge chocolate cake in there. The legend on it read 'Happy Birthday Andrew' and had four candles sitting on it, waiting to be lit._

_Hoping against hope, Harry quickly looked through the rest of the fridge, but, to his dismay, there were no other cakes. Picking up his cereal, he made his way to the table, picking up a pile of presents to make room for his bowl._

_Andrew's hand shot out, snatching the presents out of his hands and kicking him under the table, hard. "Don't touch my stuff!"_

_"Harry!" Lily's voice was cold, firm. "What have I told you? If it's not yours, don't touch it."_

_Andrew laughed and kicked him again, making Harry spill his cereal over some of the presents._

_"Harry!" James' voice was angry and loud, as Andrew had started crying loudly about how 'stupid Harry always ruins it'. "Andrew doesn't damage your presents, how dare you try and destroy his." James grabbed Harry by the upper arm, dragging him out of his chair and over James' knee. After a spanking that brought tears of pain to Harry's face, his father set him on the ground, and shoved him roughly towards the kitchen door. "Get upstairs to your room. I don't want to see you for the rest of the day. Hell, I'll be happy for the rest of the week, you ungrateful little shite." Lily, in the meantime, was attacking Andrew's damp presents with a drying charm, restoring them perfectly._

_Harry trudged back upstairs and climbed in to his bed, his bum stinging mightily but the pain in his heart was beyond description._

* * *

"About two weeks later, I'd managed to scrape together a bit of food, some Knuts and clean socks, and left Azka-Potter. I was barely literate at the point, so I was picking up old copies of the Daily Prophet to practice words; that's how I found out about my 'death' five weeks later."

Harry found it very difficult to say anything after that, as both Ginny and Hermione seemed desperate to hug the stuffing out of him.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm legally an adult now, they can't do anything to me, and I certainly won't let them do anything to you."

"Thank you, Harry." They replied in unison.

"Of course, once Remus found out about me missing, he went, and I quote, 'ape-shit'. He showed the encounter to me in my Pensieve."

"Really?" Hermione looked like she desperately wanted to get her hands on one of those rare devices, but sitting naked in a hot tub probably wasn't the best time to act on that. "What happened?"

"You'll love this. He..."

* * *

_Remus walked in to the living room of the large cottage, seeing boxes piled everywhere; the wealth the Potter's had acquired over the last 3 years was staggering, and the family was moving to the newly built 'Potter Mansion' soon. Remus himself had just come back from a mission for Dumbledore, visiting Damocles Belby, who was working on a new potion that was alleged to stop the dementia of the werewolf transformation, and was glad to be back in Wales._

_"Afternoon, James. How's everything going?"_

_"Complete bloody nightmare. Our agent wanted to get some pictures of Andrew in Potter Mansion, showing off all the rooms, and playing on the Quidditch pitch. I tell you, the boy will be the best Chaser in Gryffindor's history." He smiled, imagining the prestige and fame he would get once Andrew was in England's World Cup 1998 Quidditch team. "Lily's fine, decided to pick up some new kitchen stuff, and Sirius is around somewhere, probably trying to prank some of the packed boxes."_

_Remus felt his teeth start to grind, a habit he'd picked up recently, when dealing with the newly-conceited Potters. "And Harry?"_

_"Who?"_

_"Harry? Your other son?"_

_Sirius wandered in, sneaking his wand back up his sleeve, so nobody would notice the hex on the box behind him. "Hey, Remus, what's up?"_

_"Not much, Padfoot. Just wondering how Harry was."_

_"Who's Harry?"_

_Remus was beyond exasperated. "The other Potter child. Andrew's twin." He turned to James. "Your first-born son."_

_"Erm..." James looked a bit confused. "Last time I saw him was when you were tucking him in bed."_

_"Last time..." Remus trailed off, shock evident on his face. "James, that was two months ago!"_

_"Was it? Huh. Guess he doesn't say much, then."_

_Remus was already leaving the room, bounding up the stairs three at a time, before opening Harry's door, revealing an immaculately made bed, a pile of clean clothes, and no Harry. Crossing over to the dresser that Harry had made himself with the base of his old crib, balanced on some old boxes, was a handwritten note._

Dear Uncle Moony

Mummy and Daddy are still busy with Andrew.

Uncle Padfoot still ignores me.

Don't like being hit by Daddy.

Love you, Uncle Moony.

Harry

_Remus read the note with tears pricking his eyes. He took a deep breath, and noticed that he could barely detect Harry's scent anywhere in the room, clearly indicating he'd been gone for at least a month. _Damn you, James, what the hell were you thinking? Or are you simply thinking of the galleons?

_He strode back in to the den, where James was sporting donkey ears and Sirius was speaking fluent pigeon; clearly, a duel of the highest calibre._

_"His room's empty, James. From the lack of scent, he hasn't been there at least a month. He left a note." He handed it over. "Exactly what does he mean, 'don't like being hit by Daddy'?"_

_James' face contorted with anger. "The little shit was trying to ruin Andrew's birthday, pouring milk over his presents. I had to discipline him, beat the jealousy out of him."_

_Remus rubbed his hand over his face, forcing back Moony, who was howling over the pain inflicted on his cub. "We can worry about that later. Come on, we need to find him."_

_"Eh? Why?"_

_"Sirius, I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that. If he's been alone for a month, then we need to find him right the hell now. Who knows what shape he's in?"_

_"If he's been gone a month, he's probably dead by now." Sirius turned to James. "If I were you, I'd get down to Gringotts, make sure someone doesn't try and put in a claim for taking care of him or some shit like that. Some people will do anything for a bit a gold."_

Like abandoning their children. Damn you, Sirius._ "James, even if Sirius isn't willing to help, then we can still go out looking."_

_"Remus, get real; I can't leave Andrew alone, he needs constant care and attention, making sure his needs are met. If the other one's gone, then I can spend more time with my son."_

_Lupin was a quiet man, but his Lycanthropy had rendered him as sterile as a surgeon's scalpel, and when Harry and Andrew were born, he was the happiest he'd ever been. As the twins grew up, he'd watched Harry become so lonely, and Andrew so spoiled, and felt a kinship with Harry due to that loneliness. If his 'friends' weren't going to look for the cub, then he was. He disapparated with a crack, leaving James and Sirius looking at him, confused that he was wasting so much effort on such a worthless cause._

_"What's got in to him? Ah well. Now, dance, dog-boy! _Tarantellegra!_" The curse hit a laughing Sirius, who started dancing like a maniac._

* * *

"Two days later, Potter walked in to Gringotts, claimed that I was dead, and exiled from the House of Potter, to make sure that nothing could affect his family. Remus spent a few months searching, but couldn't find me."

Hermione was looking shocked, while Ginny was crying. She felt so much worse, and she'd genuinely felt that Andrew was worthwhile knowing. Now, it seemed, he was a cowardly, conniving little shit who should've been spayed. Darwin would understand.

"Oh, Harry..."

"Shhh, it's okay. Really, it's okay. I mean, yeah, the start of my life could've been a bit better, but look at me now; I've got a cool tattoo, plenty of gold in my vault, an interesting job, and a pair of girlfriends who shriek if I do this..." His hands suddenly disappeared under the water, and he was right; both of his girlfriends let out shrieks of pleasure as his hands found tender and enjoyable areas.

"Anyway, this has gotten really maudlin. Let's enjoy each other some more, and tomorrow, we can start dealing with Voldemort again. And have more sex." A slippery, pliant body was suddenly straddling him, snogging his brains out while a curtain of brown hair was enveloping his face. Ginny, not to be left out, was swallowing another wad of Gillyweed as she slipped under the water. Suddenly, Hermione's kiss was interrupted as she started humming "Weasley is our Queen", her legs twitching as Ginny's talented tongue went to work.

Harry leaned back, enjoying the sights and sensations in front of him. _Life is good..._

* * *

Harry was lying in bed that evening, completely spent from his day's 'exercise'. Hermione stroked her hand down his chest, resting it on his stomach before slowly sliding it down further, cupping him gently.

"Hermione, please. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised."

She smiled gently. "Believe me, I know how you feel. I'm going to be walking like John Wayne tomorrow."

"John Wayne, or John Wayne after he's been horse-riding for a week?"

"I'm not sure yet. I'll see how I feel in the morning. That fourth go-round with Ginny was certainly an eye-opener."

The petite redhead, who, up until this point, had been dozing, opened her eyes. "I disagree. Your eyes were closed for most of it."

"Come on! I mean, two Parselmouths doing that to me?" She smiled, then frowned. "In fact, how are you a Parselmouth? I thought that ended with the diary."

Ginny shrugged. "I have no idea. I don't think you mind, though."

Harry snorted. "No, I don't think she does mind, if the cries of 'this is better than books!' was anything to go by."

Hermione had the grace to blush, before murmuring "Less chance of papercuts, too."

"What happened in the Chamber, Harry? I don't know, I only remember waking up in the Hospital wing."

"Also, what happened with the Philosopher's Stone?"

"You want to know about the times I came to Hogwarts before this year?" Both girls nodded. "Okay, well, first up was your first year, Hermione. It was like this..."

* * *

_Harry dropped quietly as Hedwig flamed him to the outside of the third-floor corridor. "Is this as close as we can get?"_

**Indeed, Harry-Wizard.**_ Hedwig blinked for a moment. _**It feels like wards specifically to allow only Fawkes to flame through them.**

_"Ah well. Let's see how good these protections really are, then." He raised his hand to the door, unlocking it silently, while slipping inside, unnoticed by anyone..._

_...except for the massive three-headed dog with breath that could kill a Tyrannosaur. The Cerberus eyed Harry carefully before starting to growl._

_Harry growled back, snarling and showing his teeth, letting the dog know he meant business. Of course, when you're a 12-foot-tall three-headed dog, faced by a child showing his teeth, you tend not to be that worried._

_Harry rolled his eyes, and then started singing. "So unplug the jukebox, and do us all a favour, that music's lost it's taste, so try another flavour, Antmusic." While he was singing, Fluffy's eyes had been drooping, and he was now snoring loudly, rancid blasts of breath washing over Harry. _Urgh. I can't believe I'm doing this job for free.

_Shifting the massive paw off of the trapdoor, Harry dropped down the darkened shaft. _Why the hell do you have a shaft like this on the _third_ floor? Hasn't anyone on the first and second floors noticed?_ As he landed on the Devil's Snare, he quickly launched a fireball, dropping through the opening._

Wow, a guard-dog that wouldn't be able to defend itself against a drunk Karaoke singer and a plant that's scared of fire, one of the first spells a wizard learns. If this is all it takes, I might be home in time for L.A. Law.

_He walked in to the next room, which sounded like a beehive on amphetamines, before seeing hundreds of keys flitting round, ducking and weaving around the rafters._

Great. Couldn't have just hidden it in a room with the Fidelius, oh no, let's just make it a funhouse of magical delights._ Pointing his hand at the flock of keys, his eyes sought out one that was different, and he spotted it; a small silver key with a damaged wing. Narrowing his eyes, he shot a narrow Cutting Curse at the key, slicing off the damaged wing, watching as the key tumbled to the ground. _Ah, pulling the wings of something flying. At last, I'm having a normal childhood!

_Grabbing the key, he stuffed it in the lock, opening the door and ambling through, to find the biggest chess set he'd ever seen. While he was a superb strategist, and an able tactician, Harry really wasn't a good chess player. He wandered over the board to the white side, where the pawns joined swords, forcing him back._

_"If you don't get out of my way, I'll hit you in your stone bollocks so hard, you'll be singing soprano in the choir." The pawns scooted backwards, leaving the Queen standing in front of him, sceptre raised. "You know, I could slap you and tell you no. Or..." He raised his hand, creating a fireball that was white-hot. "Well, I'm sure you can imagine what would happen when this hits you in the face."_

_Finding a suddenly clear path in front of him, Harry wandered past the chess set, finding an unconscious troll lying in the next room, emitting a dreadful stench. Holding his nose, Harry conjured a scrap of parchment and wrote 'Try Scholl athlete's foot powder; it'll help with the smell', before dropping the note on the troll and hurrying forward, eyes watering and burning, to the next room._

_Inside was a series of bottles sitting on a table, along with a note, explaining how to get past. Picking up a bottle, Harry sniffed it before taking a deep swig, savouring the sharp flavour of nettle wine. _Urgh, what a crap vintage. No wonder it's down here, rather than in a good restaurant._ Picking up a small vial, he drank the flame-proofing potion, and wandered through the flames separating this chamber from the next._

_Professor Quirrell stood facing the mirror, wheeling around suddenly when he saw Harry enter._

_"Who are you?" He asked, deadly menace in his tone._

_"Hi!" Harry said cheerfully. "I'm Tom Dickan. Lovely day, isn't it?"_

_"What?" Quirrell was confused. "What are you doing here, boy?"_

_"Well, I've lost my keys, and I've looked everywhere else, and I haven't found them, so I thought I'd try here."_

_"Keys?"_

_"I know. Someone told me once 'they're always in the last place you look'. I mean, duh! Obviously! Why would you keep looking after you found them? What kind of weirdo does that?"_

_"Silence!" Quirrell pointed his wand at Harry, who was suddenly bound in ropes._

_"Erm, I hate to ask, what with you being a teacher and all, but why are you tying a small child up? I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm sure you're a good looking man, but I'm afraid it's simply too soon in our relationship to play these sorts of games, especially since I haven't given you a safety word."_

_Quirrell, turning puce in anger, ignored Harry, and returned to looking in the mirror. "I can see me getting the stone, and presenting it to my master. But where is it?"_

_A strange voice came from behind Quirrell, harsh and guttural. "Use the boy."_

_Quirrell turned towards Harry, and raised his wand, levitating the boy towards the mirror._

_"Seriously, I'm not that way inclined, so I'd really appreciate it if you didn't use the boy. I mean, I'd expect at least drinks and dinner before we get to that part of the evening."_

_Quirrell loosened the ropes binding Harry, and levitated him in front of the mirror. "Tell me, boy, what do you see?"_

_"Me! Man, I'm one good looking bastard." He posed, placing his hands on his hips, disguising his shock when he felt the Stone falling in to his pocket. "Could do with being taller, though."_

_Quirrell shoved Harry to one side, looking deeper in to the mirror. "He lies. Let me speak with him, face to face."_

_"Master, you are not strong enough."_

_"I have strength enough for this." Quirrell unwrapped his turban, releasing a disgusting garlic scent. Turning around, there was a second face in the back of Quirrell's head._

Huh. That's a neat little trick._ "Hi there. I tell you, Dark wizards are like buses; don't see one for 10 years, then two come along at once." He squinted at the face. "You know, I've just realised, you haven't got a nose; how do you smell?" He remembered the stinking turban that was sat on the ground. "You smell terrible."_

_"I am Lord Voldemort, boy. You will fear me."_

_"Really? You know, you'd be scarier if you didn't look like a waxwork dummy that'd been left out in the sun all day."_

"Avada Kedavra!"_ The green curse shot out of Quirrell's wand, missing the diving-to-the-side Harry, bouncing off of the Mirror of Erised, and rebounding back in to Quirrell. Voldemort was ripped from his body, shouting "Not again!" before floating out of the room, leaving behind the desiccated husk of Quirrell on the ground._

_Harry conjured a fake stone, leaving it on the ground next to the body. Just as he was about to leave, he looked round, and then unzipped his trousers..._

* * *

"Oh, Harry, you pissed on him?" Ginny was giggling madly.

"In my defence, he had just tried to kill me. I think that, after all that bowel-loosening terror, I deserved to stop for a widdle before leaving. Besides, I asked Quirrell before I let rip, and he didn't say no." Harry raised an eyebrow. "Come to think of it, he didn't say much at all."

Hermione just shook her head, laughing the whole time. "You know, Andrew's got an invisibility cloak that might've helped you. Especially considering what they were planning to do with it."

"Why, what were they planning?"

"They were planning, and I quote, 'now that the girls are growing tits, we should find a way to sneak in to the girls' showers.' Ironically, I felt like I needed to bathe after that."

"And now you realise how disturbing it is for Ginny and me, having to share genetics with those two retarded spider monkeys." He kissed Ginny's head. "Still, I wouldn't worry about that cloak; Dumbledore's got tracking charms on it, and his glasses can see through those types of cloaks anyway, so it's not like Andrew can get away with anything." He shrugged. "Anyway, with the stone, I was getting read to leave, when Andrew staggered in; I hid behind the mirror and watched him pass out after seeing Quirrell's body, cracking his bonce on the ground. I placed the fake stone in his hand, and left."

"How did he get through the defences?"

"What defences? The Devil's Snare was burnt, so he landed on a cushioning charm, the key room door was open, the Chess set had left open a path, the troll was unconscious and I left the flame-proofing potion off to one side. All he had to do was walk through them, and he was still wheezing when he arrived. Seeing Quirrell, he was out like a light, and I just got a lift with Hedwig. Dumbledore later pronounced that he'd defeated a Dark wizard, saved the stone, and been injured by some falling debris. _That_ was your first year."

Hermione looked embarrassed. "The only thing I was worried about that day was my Charms exam. Still, I did get 112, which is apparently the second highest score ever for the first-year Charms exam. I wonder who got the highest score." Harry coughed and looked away. "Harry?" He continued looking away, so Hermione reached down and gently squeezed Junior, bringing Harry's attention firmly back to her. "Is there something you'd like to share with me?"

"Certainly, but we'll have to hurry; it's about to drop off due to lack of circulation."

She squeezed harder, making Harry wince. "I meant about the test."

"Oh." He smiled. "No."

She pouted, but ignored it, for now. "So, what happened in the Chamber?"

"Well, that was more interesting."

Ginny snorted. "Interesting, maybe, but not exactly what I'd call fun..."

* * *

_"'Her bones shall lie in the Chamber forever'. Remind me again why I'm doing this, Hed?" Harry crept down the second floor corridor of Hogwarts, mentally humming the theme of Mission: Impossible, diving behind a suit of armour. There was no-one approaching, he just thought it would add to the moment._

**Because her life force is draining away, and something wicked this way comes.**

_"Spoken like a girl without thumbs." Harry had been alerted by a vampire Oracle, who'd warned him to be in Hogwarts this night, to plunge in to ancient secrets and save a life by destroying a soul. _Damned instructions were like a Japanese VCR manual, translated in to Russian by an irate Frenchman._He entered a bathroom, spotting a ghost sulking in a u-bend._

_"Hi there. Do you come here often?"_

_The ghost let out a sob, but approached the dishy newcomer. "Who are you?"_

_"I'm Hunter." He held out his hand, and the ghost held her hand up, looking shocked as Harry 'shook' her hand, using a combination of precisely controlled banishing and summoning charms on the energy of her hand._

_She giggled. "I'm Myrtle."_

_"Hi, Myrtle. You didn't, by any chance, see a girl come in here, maybe accompanied by a very large serpentine killing machine?"_

_"Yes, I did, about 10 minutes ago. They went down there." She gestured towards the island of sinks in the middle of the bathroom. "She hissed at it, it opened, she jumped down, and it closed." She looked at Harry slyly. "Can you touch all parts of a ghost?"_

_Harry smiled at her. "Sure. Listen, it's been fun, but I need to get down there." Myrtle pouted. "Oh, here." Harry gestured with his hand, a very specific banishing charm aimed at Myrtle's midsection. Living up to her name, Myrtle moaned loudly, before stumbling backwards, a goofy smile on her face._

§Open!§

_The sinks suddenly rumbled and groaned as they split apart, revealing a long shaft, dropping downwards._

This is just like last year; a long drop down a dark shaft. The Chamber of Secrets is a thousand years old; did they have porcelain sinks and indoor plumbing a millennium ago? I think not. How come nobody noticed before now? _Harry jumped down the shaft, sliding down very quickly through the slimy passage, landing in a large pile of rat bones, which crunched beneath him. Harry had recently met a pit viper he called Ovophis, who probably would've loved the trip down the tube; she was a real adrenaline junkie, which had surprised Harry, since he didn't know that snakes even had adrenal glands._

_Gathering himself up from the floor, he walked down a dark corridor, roughly hewn from the stone, rock dust drifting downwards. _Man, that roof does not look stable._ He was treading lightly, trying to avoid making noise, and avoid using magic at all costs; only a complete and total moron would attempt to use magic in an environment that unstable._

_At the end of the corridor was a large metal door, with snakes slithering around the metalwork, hissing silently._

§Open!§

_The snakes all retreated towards the centre of the door, and the massive gate swung open, revealing a large Chamber, with a high ceiling and sconces on the walls, holding torches that gave out a sickly green light, with shadows dancing in the corners of the room. At one end of the chamber was a gigantic stone head, a statue of someone who really should've walked around with a bag on his head._

I have _got _to have a Halloween party down here!_ Not knowing what to expect, Harry used the newest spell he'd learnt, the disillusionment spell, to fade from view, hopefully giving him a tactical advantage. He crept forward, spotting a body lying on the ground, out in the open, almost perfect bait for a trap. Just as he was about to investigate, he heard someone yell 'Obliviate', and the entire Chamber shook as part of the ceiling in the antechamber tunnel collapse._

_"Ron, clear some of these stones; _I'll_ deal with whatever the monster is."_

_"Save my sister, champ!"_

_Andrew Potter charged in to the Chamber, and looked around, seeing the creepy lighting, experiencing the fetid air. He did not look happy as he walked forward, spotting Ginny lying on the ground. He ran towards her, took one look at her pale, death-like countenance, and promptly passed out, dropping his wand on to the ground._

_Harry just shook his head; it was beyond embarrassing, knowing that he'd shared a womb with this tit for 9 months. He approached Ginny, seeing her lying on the ground, and smiled in relief as he saw her chest rise and fall softly; her breathing was too shallow and irregular, but the important thing was that she was breathing._

_"She won't wake."_

_Harry looked up to see a student, a little older than he was, in Slytherin robes, standing over him. _Where did he come from?_ He could feel energy flowing off of Ginny, not magic per se, but energy, heading towards this stranger._

_"Listen, friend, nice to meet you and all, but I could really do with a hand getting her out of here. There's a basilisk on the loose, and I'm too pretty to become snake food." Harry gently scooped up the unconscious Ginny, staggering slightly as he started back towards the door._

_"It won't come until it's called."_

_"Great! So let's hope nobody calls, we can get out of here, and I can go grab a shower."_

_The student scooped up Andrew's wand, and pointed it at Harry. "I'm afraid I can't let you leave with the girl yet. I need her here for just a little bit longer."_

_"Look, pal, if she stays here for a little bit longer, she'll be deader than a can of spam."_

_"I know. And with her dead, my resurrection shall be complete."_

_Harry gently laid Ginny on the ground, and faced the student. "Who are you?"_

_"A memory. Trapped in a diary for 50 years. And released when little Ginny Weasley poured her soul in to me, worrying about how the famous Andrew Potter wouldn't like her." The student pointed at Andrew, who was still out cold on the ground._

_"She's got it the wrong way round; she should be worried about liking him, the useless git. Famous for doing nothing."_

_The student raised the wand, pointing it at Harry's face. "That 'useless git' destroyed the greatest wizard of all time! How is it that a baby could defeat the awesome power of Lord Voldemort, with not even a scratch to show for it?"_

_"Hang on, Voldemort was the greatest wizard of all time? Are you sure it wasn't Stopem Fiddlin, inventor of the pocket billiard game? Surely he's the greatest wizard of all time. You're just a student. Who are you, anyway?"_

_"I was Tom Marvolo Riddle." Tom used Andrew's wand to draw fiery letters in the air, spelling out the name, before changing it with a swish, to read 'I am Lord Voldemort'._

_"You're Voldemort? Huh, guess you grew a nose in the last year, then." He blinked, looking at the floating letters in front of him. "Man, you really lucked out with Marvolo for a middle name, didn't you? Otherwise, you'd be stuck with 'Mid Let Rod', which wouldn't be half as impressive."_

_"Crucio!" The spell impacted Harry, but just washed over him, not affecting him._

_"Still think you're the greatest wizard of all time?" Harry truly had no idea why the spell hadn't affected him; he'd been hit with the Cruciatus before, and he knew it was agonising, but he hadn't felt a thing this time. Harry wasn't about to advertise his ignorance, though; when in doubt, act like you're invincible._

_"I don't need magic to defeat you, child." Riddle turned towards the status. _§Speak to me, Slytherin, Greatest of the Hogwarts Four!§

_"Actually, he wasn't. Everyone knows the greatest of the Founders was Helga Hufflepuff. According to the legends, she could out-drink, out-swear and out-fight all of the other Founders combined. And not just duelling, but apparently she liked nothing more than a good bar fight. Not particularly ladylike, but in the Dark Ages, really, who cares?"_

_The statue's mouth opened, revealing a passage, and the massive basilisk, 89 feet long and just over 4 metric tons, slithered out, facing the small human in front of him. The serpent opened its massive maw and let out a noise that seemed to be a careful blending of a hiss and a roar, almost deafening Harry, who winced at the noise._

_"You are one truly ugly fucker."_

_"How do you like the pet of the mighty Slytherin?"_

_"I've seen better." Harry whistled a three-note tune, and Hedwig flamed in to existence, landing on his shoulder, glaring at the massive serpent._

_An uplifting tune echoed through the chamber as Fawkes, the beautiful red and gold Phoenix of Dumbledore, flew in to view, carrying a scrap of cloth in his talons. He dropped the cloth in Harry's hands, and landed on his other shoulder._

_"That's the old school sorting hat."_

_"A hat? You brought me a hat?" Harry looked at the bird on his right shoulder. "Nice to see you again, by the way, but what on earth do I do with a hat?"_

_The hat suddenly shook in his hands, and a rip near the brim started moving. "At the risk of sounding stupid, I would suggest putting me on."_

_"Let's compare the powers of Lord Voldemort against Dumbledore's Champion, armed with the best weapons the old man can muster."_

_Harry looked at the two phoenixes on his shoulders, who appeared to be trilling to each other happily. "Seriously, now is not the time to be flirting."_

§Kill him!§

_The basilisk charged, ramming its massive head in to Harry, smashing him backwards while sending the two birds squawking in to the air. The two phoenixes trilled to each other as they gained height, before wheeling around, diving in unison, smashing in to the malevolent amber eyes of the serpent. Twin gouts of blood appeared, and Harry was forced to look away as the snake was blinded._

_A roar of pain almost deafened Harry as the basilisk desperately raged against the two phoenixes assaulting it. Seeing that the serpent was distracted, Harry slid the hat on his head._

Hello?

**Interesting; you should've been one of mine, except for the stupidity of one of your birthers.**

_Harry suddenly rolled to one side, ducking a swipe from the basilisk's tail._

Seriously, mate; history? Good. Staying alive? So much better.

**Very well. I can see in you the attributes of all the Founders, but in your heart, you have strength and honour, courage and conviction.**_ The hat suddenly shuddered, and Harry felt something smash in to his head, almost knocking him out. Taking the hat off, he pulled out a long straight sword, rubies decorating the handle._

_The basilisk, having managed to free itself from the phoenixes, lunged at Harry, intending to swallow him in one go. Unfortunately, Harry had just raised the sword to examine it, which pierced the soft palate of the snake's mouth, lancing directly in to its brain. As Harry felt warm blood trickling down his arm, he wrenched the sword free, stumbling backwards, landing on the basilisk's bottom jaw, one of the fangs penetrating straight through his trousers, slicing in to his bum cheek._

_A wave of fire shot through Harry's bum, the venom already going to work, damaging and killing tissue as it went._

**Quickly, Harry-Wizard, we can cry on the wound and heal you.**

_Feeling pretty stupid, Harry staggered to his feet, fumbling with his trousers. _The things I do to stay alive._ As soon as his lowered his pants, he fell forwards, finding it difficult to stand, his vision starting to grey. He felt the sharp talons of Hedwig on the back of his thigh, as she settled and started to cry thick, white pearly tears, while Fawkes settled on his lower back. Even though the two birds were crying, he could tell they were laughing, probably at his lily-white bum._

_"You birds! Get away from him!" The two birds took off, leaving a fuming Riddle standing over Harry._

_"You may have killed the basilisk, but I'm going to kill you."_

_Harry, face down on the ground, felt something warm pressing against his chest. Looking down, he saw it was a black leather diary with the legend 'T. M. Riddle' stamped in gold lettering on the cover. He could feel the energy being drawn from Ginny in to this book, and Riddle behind him drawing energy from the book. As he picked up the book, some of the blood on his hands from a cut dripped on to the cover, which started to hiss and fizz as if dropped in acid. Riddle screamed as if he'd been dropped in molten lava, a blast of light tearing through his robes, as if his insides were naught but light._

_Harry ran his palm over his sword, and placed the freely-bleeding wound on the book, which started smoking. The books reeked of Dark magic, and the purity of Fawkes, through the feathers in Harry's body, destroyed that darkness. Harry stood up, clenching the book tightly._

_"Rest in Peace, Tom Riddle, for the Darkness shall be burnt away by the Light."_

_Riddle's outline was flickering, rippling, and then finally collapsed, leaving no trace of his existence. Harry dropped the book, and looked down, finding his trousers and underwear around his ankles._

_"Well, that went well."_

_The two phoenixes flew down towards him, landing on his shoulders, trilling softly._

_"Thank you. You were both wonderful." Hedwig nipped his ear, while Fawkes nuzzled Harry's neck. "Is there any chance of a lift? I could really do with a bath, and I think that this Ginny girl could really do with the Hospital Wing."_

_Fawkes flew over to Ginny's prone form, grasping her gently in his talons before flaming her away._

_Harry pulled his trousers up, wandering over to check that Andrew was uninjured. Just before he fastened his fly, he looked around, and..._

* * *

"Oh, Harry, please, tell me you didn't." Hermione was giggling madly.

"I asked him if he minded being pee'd on, and he didn't say no. Besides, he's a tit."

Ginny was looking nauseous. "I woke up in the hospital wing. They told me that he'd saved me from a basilisk. I kissed him." She looked green. "I kissed the face that you pee'd on!"

"Sorry." However, he didn't look particularly repentant.

"Stand up a second, Harry."

Harry stood, not enjoying the cold air on his damp body.

"Oh, it's so cute!"

"What is?" Harry felt two pairs of hands rubbing at his buttock, the galleon-sized scar from being impaled on a fang.

"Nothing. Never mind." Ginny leaned in and kissed the scar, Harry jumping from the unexpected sensation. "What? At least you didn't pee here!"

Hermione gently pushed Ginny away so Harry could sit back down. "So, what happened during third year? I mean, I saw the Dementors, and there were rumours of an escaped killer on the grounds, but I never did find out what happened."

"Oh that? That's easy. What happened was..."

* * *

_"You're kidding me."_

_"I assure you, Harry, I'm quite serious."_

_"Look, Sebastian, don't get me wrong, you're powerful, wise and a fair ruler." Harry looked at the vampire elder in front of him. "And you're one hell of a dancer. But breaking _in_ to Azkaban? I mean, you want me to break in to a prison. Doesn't this seem just a little off? Surely the idea of prisons are to keep people in, not invite them in for a nice quite break-in and a chat."_

_"You asked me to find out what happened on Halloween's Fall; I cannot. Clan Ventrue was not aligned with Voldemort, and we have no idea what happened, other than your parents were attacked and Voldemort fell. We have only encountered one Death Eater since then, and we invited him to dinner."_

_"Be, Sebastian, you missed out the Be. You invited him to _be_ dinner."_

_"Semantics, Harry. Regardless of that quite delicious snack, if you want to find out what happened, then you need to speak to Death Eaters. If you want to speak to Death Eaters, you can either try the Lonely Hearts ads, or Azkaban."_

_"Lonely Hearts ads?"_

_"Harry, just because my heart hasn't beat in over 700 years is not a reason that it doesn't get lonely."_

_"And you're harem?"_

_"Ah." Sebastian LeCroix looked around, making sure that none of the harem was around, even the three vampires who were always topless. It was something that had baffled Harry for years, ever since he had started socialising with vampires; no matter if it was a crypt, castle or condemned subway station, if there was a vampire of note in residence, there were three females vampires hanging around with their boobs out. "Well, Harry, as I'm quite fond of my testicles in their current position, rather than having them torn off and put in my watch pocket, I'll suggest Azkaban."_

_"Good idea." Harry bowed once before leaving, heading towards the exit._

_Bellatrix Lestrange was, quite simply, bonkers. Never the most stable person (her own cousin, Sirius Black, once referred to her as 'nuttier than the floor of a castration clinic'), 14 years in Azkaban, under the tender and affectionate mercies of the Dementors, had rendered her rather limited supply of sanity to something she could take or leave, and she frequently left._

_Now, however, she was terrified, as a young man, radiating power and lethal ability, had slipped inside her cell to bitch-slap her in to submission._

_"Death Eaters. Peter Pettigrew. October 1981. What happened?"_

_"Piss off, boy scout!"_

Further proof of her insanity; she thinks I'm a boy scout._ "Bella, believe me, as fun as this is, I'd much rather be doing something much more dangerous, like rearranging my sock drawer. So, I'm going to ask again, nicely, and after that? Eh, not so nice. What happened at the Potters?"_

_"You'll never make me talk. And when the Dark Lord returns, he will flay your bones."_

_Harry backhanded her across the face, watching as she hit the cell wall, hard. Pinning his arm across her throat, he leaned in close to her. "Alright, no more Mr. Nice Guy." He rabbit-punched her in the stomach, her breath leaving her with an explosive _pah._ "What happened to Voldemort?"_

_"Don't speak his name, you filth!" She looked down, seeing Harry pressing her against the wall with his body. Figuring she could use her wiles to get him naked on the cell's cot, and therefore defenceless, she growled seductively. "It's been 14 years since a man's touched me. Why not help me scratch that itch?"_

_Harry head-butted her, hard. She winced, feeling her nose break, before her vision was suddenly blurred, thick ropes of tears streaming down her face as she fell to her knees._

_"Bella, I wouldn't fuck you with a stolen dick." He grabbed her arm, forcing up her back. "Besides, have you smelled you recently? I'm fairly certain that _I'd_ end up with the itch, and it certainly wouldn't want to be one I scratched. Now, this is a very nice muggle toy, called a Taser. What it does it use electricity to force the body to react. Now, ironically, magic stops it from working, but with all the magic suppressors here? Works just fine." He pressed the taser against Lestrange's stomach, forcing her diaphragm to suddenly contract, robbing her of breath. "So, I ask you again. What happened that Halloween?"_

_Harry was stalking through the darkened corridors of Azkaban, embarrassed to admit that he was lost. He'd questioned Lestrange, who'd suggested, after some of Harry's 'persuasion', that Sirius Black was someone to talk to, as he'd been suggested as the Secret Keeper. Using his basic Legilimency, he'd detected, among with the detritus of a damaged mind, that she was convinced that Sirius was partly responsible, that she was as horny as a hedgehog on a honeymoon, and that she was utterly dedicated to the Dark Lord._

_After his chat with Bitchatrix, he'd found two other Death Eaters, Augustus Rookwood, a former Unspeakable who was convinced that Dumbledore had something to do with Voldemort's fall, and Antonin Dolohov, a man with a room-temperature IQ and a penchant for mindless violence that was beyond description, who had recommended that he speak to James Potter. _Well, he recommended after I knocked out 11 of his teeth. Eh, as black as they were, they would've had to have come out anyway. I'm doing the Azkaban Healers a favour. What a guy!

_One thing that had struck Harry, though, was that all of the people he spoke to told him one thing. There was only one place he was going to get answers. Hogwarts._

* * *

"So, I sent Remus a letter, telling him to head to Hogwarts. Why? I honestly have no idea."

"What happened?"

"Well, I only found this out when I spoke to Moony a week ago, but he got my note, and headed to Hogwarts; Black was there, having dinner with the Potters. Moony was looking for the Marauder's Map, a map of Hogwarts that-"

"-That shows every tunnel, corridor and person in the castle." Ginny smiled shyly. "I've seen it."

"Yeah, the potential for pranking with it is pretty impressive. Anyway, Moony found that the map wasn't in Flich's filing cabinet, and decided to head to Potter's office; he didn't know the students very well, so he didn't know which pranksters might be using it."

"Fred and George?" Ginny smiled, remembering some of the pranks the twins pulled during her first year, the only bright spot from a wretched year.

"Yeah. Didn't they tell you?"

"Nope, they must've kept it a secret. And Drew didn't tell me either; to be honest, of all the things he liked about my mouth, asking questions wasn't at the top of the list."

Harry lay a gentle kiss on her lips, and she made a happy noise. "They are rather kissable..." He shook his head, and smiled. "Anyway, Potter had the map in his office, and they saw Andrew and Ron heading towards the tunnel near the Whomping Willow. God knows what they thought they were doing, but they had Pettigrew with them. Turns out he's a rat."

"Scabbers?"

"Erm, possibly. Not a clue what he was called. Still, Moony chased after the lads, and caught up to them, just before they went in the tunnel. He then explained his case..."

* * *

_"That's not a rat. It's an animagus called Peter Pettigrew, and I'll prove it." Lupin pointed his wand at the quivering rat, which was trying to escape Ron's desperate grip. "_Animas Revelio!_"_

_The rat flashed white, before suddenly, a short but incredibly fat man was falling forward, knocking Ron over._

_"Hello, Peter. It's been a long time."_

_"Remus! My old friend." Pettigrew has obviously spent too much time as a rat; his movement on two legs was shaky, as if he'd forgotten what to do and his nose twitched as he breathed. He turned towards Andrew. "And you! Young Andrew. You look so much like your father."_

_"Don't speak to me, Filth! I am the Boy-Who-Lived! You are just scum. When I tell my father what happened-"_

_Harry, heading through the forest under a modified disillusion spell, which disguised his features so that nobody could recognise him, emerged from the dark trees to hear this sentence. "-He'll do what? Have a press conference? Release yet another book?"_

_"How dare you?"_

_"Easily. So you're Pettigrew, huh?" Harry looked at the trembling wizard, who was kneeling in a puddle of his own urine. "You know, I've been looking for you for a long time now, Rat."_

_"Please... I didn't want to betray the Potters. The Dark Lord has weapons you cannot possibly imagine."_

_Andrew puffed up his chest. "The Dark Lord is nothing. I defeated him when I was only a year old. Of course, I'm a superior specimen of wizardkind, but surely you could've done better than you did."_

_Harry rolled his eyes, the gesture mirrored by the werewolf next to him. The clouds, thick grey banks that had drifted lazily across the sky, suddenly cleared, revealing the swollen, dirty-yellow sphere of the full moon. Remus stiffened, and started to twitch._

_"Lupin? Are you okay?" Harry saw the desperate look in his amber eyes, indicating that the wolf, not the man, was in the driving seat. "Did you take your potion?"_

_Remus pushed backwards; in the rush to chase after Pettigrew, the traitor that had damaged and hurt his pack, he'd forgotten about the Wolfsbane, and wild, dangerous magic was pouring off him. Harry could feel it, not the powerful, controlled magic of a firefight, but the 'yippee, my human can't control me any more' magic that signified that Moony, caged too long by the potion, was coming out to play._

_Lupin tried to yell at them to run, but his voice box was suddenly twisting and changing, his jaws no longer suitable for talking._

_Harry was torn; he had the chance to capture Pettigrew, to repay the rat for destroying his family, but that would allow Moony, a fully-grown and, from the sounds of snarling coming from the shifting form, fully-enraged werewolf to access the school grounds, including Andrew and Ron, who'd decided that standing there, watching with slightly stupid looks on their faces, was the best option of dealing with werewolves. _Brilliant._ Harry made his choice, pushing the two boys away while smashing his fist in to Moony's face._

_"I'd run if I were you." Pettigrew, Andrew and Ron all took this as good advice, Peter turning in to a rat and fleeing towards the forest while the boys ran towards the school. Moony, watching possible prey leaving, leapt at Harry with a savage fury._

_"I don't want to hurt you, Moony." Ducking under a punch that could've decapitated him, Harry hit the werewolf in the stomach, following it with an uppercut. "Doesn't mean I won't, though."_

_The two exchanged blows, Harry more than a match for the werewolf, whose physical condition had suffered from years of bad diet and poor rest. Harry couldn't go all out, though, as he'd end up killing the werewolf, and that wasn't fair to the gentle, book-loving man who was his uncle._

_The answer came in the form of clopping; Prongs, the magnificent stag, and Padfoot, the massive grim, charging forward, Prongs using his rack to fend off Moony's irate swipes, while Padfoot kept nipping in, biting the werewolf._

_Yowling and in pain, Moony took off towards the forest, leaving behind two unlikely animals. With a graceful shift, they turned back in to humans._

_"Well, it's been a while since we've had to do _that_."_

_"I know. Why hadn't he taken his potion?"_

_"He was looking for Peter Pettigrew. He had him at wandpoint until the full moon came out."_

_Sirius Black was a highly trained Auror; hearing an unknown voice behind him, he wheeled around, quick-drawing his wand, and pointing it the man in front of him._

_"Who are you?"_

_"A Hunter. Pettigrew headed towards the forest. I'd suggest you find him." Harry turned his back and started to head towards the forest, when he heard James Potter's voice._

_"Where the hell do you think you're going? Get your arse back here and explain yourself."_

_Harry's retort was cut off by an ice-cold feeling in his soul, as if he'd never think a happy thought again; it was as painful and terrifying as opening an envelope from Inland Revenue. Dementors._

What the hell are they doing here?_ Ignoring the biting cold, he focused on his happiest memory (a sweaty and enjoyable afternoon spent with Anezka, a 243-year-old vampire who was his double's partner in tennis, where he'd learnt just what fun you can have with someone who doesn't get out of breath), and raised his arm, watching as his Patronus, Nails, shot out of his hand._

_The Patronus was massive, not only a brilliant silver, but radiating such feelings of joy and happiness that the Dementors were retreating before the huge Velociraptor was even close enough to touch them. Named not only for the potent rending claws on its toes, but also for the fact that the Patronus was, in fact, 'ard as Nails, the impact of the guardian was immense; feeling the effects recede, Black and Potter shot off their own Patroni, driving the Dementors away from them. When they looked again, the Hunter was gone._

* * *

"From what I've been told, the guards found the smashed cell doors and the beaten prisoners, and assumed that someone had escaped from the prison. Since I was looking for Black, Potter and Dumbledore, they went to Hogwarts, and Fudge, thinking that a prisoner was on the loose, brought Dementors with him as bodyguards."

"So you just left?"

"Yep. Dumb and Dumber were back in the castle safe from Remus, Even Dumber and Dumbest were safe from the Dementors, and I'd left my washing in the tumble dryer; if I didn't get back to it soon, I'd have serious static issues. So, I left."

Ginny and Hermione were sitting at the table, waiting for Harry to finish cooking their breakfast; the trio were naked, except for Harry, who was wearing an apron, as he was well aware that bacon could splatter, and he didn't really fancy getting a blister on his fun bits.

"After that, everything was quiet. I didn't hear a thing about Pettigrew, or Voldemort, or anything, until the World Cup, when the Death Eaters were spotted. I captured one, and found out that they had nothing to do with Voldemort; they were just a bit bored. Prats. Anyway, I kept an eye on the Tournament that was going on at Hogwarts that year, but nothing really interesting happened; it seemed like Andrew had his daddy doing everything for him; hell, it wouldn't surprise me if it was really James under Polyjuice. I had Hedwig watching the Third Task when she alerted me that Andrew and Cedric vanished from the middle of the maze. It seemed that Cedric reached the cup first, but went back to help out Andrew out of one of the traps. Andrew wanted to take the cup for himself, but Cedric hit him with a tripping jinx, and Cedric suggested that they both take it, as a Hogwarts victory. Andrew agreed, realising that some victory was better than none at all. I wasn't there, I was staking out a location, when they both reached for the cup..."

* * *

_It was official: Harry was bored. For almost three months, he'd been camping out in Little Hangleton, waiting for Voldemort to rise again. A few small missions, killing a nest of vampires, and slaying two werewolves, and a very fun three days in Las Vegas for a poker tournament, had taken him away, but other than that, he'd been waiting._

_His tent, hidden under a _Fidelius_ charm at the end of the Little Hangleton graveyard, had become a little confined for him, after all this time. However, the visions from Voldemort, which was a polite way of saying he got great splitting migraines with blurry pictures and the kind of soundtrack found of a pirate video, kept him on his task._

_"Where are we?" Andrew asked stupidly. "Is this part of the task?"_

_Cedric Diggory was not a stupid person, and had his wand in hand as soon as he got his bearings. "You might wanna draw your wand, Potter."_

_Andrew turned, sneering at Diggory. "I don't need you to tell me what to do, Diggory! I'm the 'Boy-Who-Lived'! I think I know what needs to be done! You should be thankful that I'm here to protect you. Don't you worry; with me here, nothing's going to happen to you!"_

_From the darkness, a weak, raspy voice called out. "Kill the spare!"_

_"_Avada Kedavra!_" a second voice called out, the bolt of deadly green light slamming into Diggory. He was dead before his body hit the ground._

_Twenty feet away, Harry snarled. _Damn it!_ He swore to himself. _If only..._ Those were words that had no place in battle. With a grimace, he focussed on keeping the Boy Blunder alive. He was a symbol to the sheep of the Wizarding world, and his survival was necessary. _Baa...

_He crept round the grave markers, until he was about six feet from the tall angel that was holding his brother hostage. A few feet in front of that marker was a cauldron, containing some vile smelling concoction, potent enough to make him gag. _Jesus... that's rank._ He watched Peter Pettigrew, another person who deserved a good killing, or maybe a bad one, drop a baby into the cauldron with a loud splash._

If that wasn't Voldemort, I'd probably feel quite sorry for it._ He mused, grimacing as another wave a fetid air wafted towards him. His brother was wriggling against the robes binding him to the tombstone. Of course, since he wasn't the real 'Boy-Who-Lived', he didn't get to feel the joyous pounding in his head, the result of being physically close to Voldemort, or the sheer delight in feeling so nauseous from the pain in his head that his stomach felt like it was doing loop-de-loops._

_"What's going on?" Andrew shouted at Wormtail, truly not understanding the situation._

_"Silence, boy." Wormtail growled back. "You should be honoured. You're witnessing the rebirth of the greatest wizard ever!"_

_"Albus Dumbledore is the greatest wizard in the world!"_

Truly a pawn._ Harry thought idly, watching with bated breath as the cauldron began to smoke. _It's time...

_Wormtail, wielding a knife, raised a shaking right hand over the cauldron, visibly gathering the tattered shreds of his courage. _How he became a Gryffindor is beyond me._ Harry thought, watching him cut off his right hand. _Ooh... that'll sting in the morning. _He saw the hand splash in to the cauldron. _Sod that, I bet it's stinging right now.

_With a casual flick of a wand, not even his own, Wormtail levitated a hunk of bone out of his father's grave, dropping it into the cauldron. _Huh... Voldemort's using his father's bone. If I were smutty minded, I'm sure I could make some crude comment about that..._ Finally, Wormtail approached Andrew, grasping his arm. The knife, which he'd used to cut off his own hand, was used again to take some blood from Andrew._

I don't think that's very sanitary, Pete._The drops of blood fell into the cauldron. With a bang, a flash, and the smell of burning brimstone, the liquid in the cauldron exploded, leaving a naked man stood in place._

He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named has no dick? Oh, that's sad..._ Voldemort stood, naked as the day he was born, staring imperiously around. _Gotta admit, it's hard to look imperious and god-like when you're naked and have the same equipment as Action Man.

_"Robe me, Wormtail." He hissed sibilantly. Pettigrew scurried forward like the rat he was, draping a robe over Voldemort, before handing him his wand._

_"Your arm, Wormtail." Voldemort commanded._

_"Thank you, Master." Wormtail grovelled, holding up the bleeding stump._

_"Your _other_ arm, Wormtail!"_

_Pettigrew looked at his master, confusion and fear on his face. Harry watched with a wicked grin. _You really should learn to play nicely, Tom. You'll never keep followers if you allow them to bleed to death._ He watched as Voldemort jabbed his wand on the Dark Mark on Pettigrew's left forearm, nearly gagging as the Mark blossomed with black fire. The smell of burning flesh rippled over him. He looked up to see his brother turn to the side and vomit noisily. _That's just grim...

_Around them, the smoky black trails of apparition signatures began to appear. The Death Eaters were returning to their master._

Not good..._ Harry was more than a match for any two of these individuals. Maybe as many as four or five. But against almost twenty? Even _he'd_ be defeated._

_"My loyal Death Eaters... it's been thirteen years. Thirteen years since we were last together under the Mark. And where were you when I was banished? I see you all here, hale and hearty, with your powers intact."_

_Harry, ignoring the pompous bastard's speech, circled around, seeking out the fallen Tri-Wizard trophy. He tapped it with his finger, turning it back into a Portkey. Now... all he needed was to make sure that Cedric's body was sent back as well..._

_"Oh, sorry, Andrew... I'd almost forgotten you were here." Voldemort said sarcastically. "The 'Boy-Who-Lived'... isn't that what they call you? You believe that you defeated me, boy?"_

_"Yes." Andrew spat arrogantly. "I did before, and I will again! You're nothing compared to me!"_

Oh, Christ! Shut up, you twat!_Harry roared mentally._This is really not the time to get a bloody backbone! You're outnumbered and out-powered. You cannot win!

_"Really, boy?" He turned to Pettigrew. "Untie him, Wormtail, and give him back his wand."_

Shit!_ Harry quickly tapped the trophy again, adding a second spell to the Portkey. One millisecond after the Portkey activated, it would drop a powerful _Reducto_ hex, hopefully covering the escape. Casting a quick and dirty disillusionment charm on himself, he rushed over to Cedric's body, turning it into a Portkey, linked to the trophy. As soon as that activated, Cedric's body would be taken back to Hogwarts._

_"You have been taught how to duel, Potter?" Voldemort asked. "First, we bow to each other." Andrew just stared, slowly beginning to realise that he may be in just a little over his head. "Bow, Andrew. Dumbledore wouldn't want you to forget your manners now, would he?"_

_With a flick of his wand, Voldemort bent Andrew's spine, forcing him to bow. "And now, we duel!" He rushed forward, casting a _Crucio_ on the 'Boy-Who-Lived', causing him to squeal in agony. It sounded like a cat in a blender. After a few seconds, he released the curse._

_He turned back, and knelt down next to the shivering Potter. "That hurt, didn't it?" He asked in mock-sympathy. "I'm going to kill you, Potter. When people hear of you, they'll hear of how you... begged for death. And I, being a merciful lord... granted it." He stood up, pacing away until he was 10 feet from him._

Get up, Andrew._ Harry said. _Get up._ He watched as Andrew, more balls than brains, although, in truth, very little of either, struggled back to his feet. _Thank you._ With a flick of his wrist, the Tri-Wizard trophy soared towards him, hitting him squarely in the back. With a small flash, he vanished. However, the _Reducto_ exploded the instant he'd left, with the force of a dozen hand grenades. The explosion covered up the disappearance of Cedric's body as it, too, was Portkeyed away._

Hedwig!_ Harry shouted mentally. _It's time we departed!_ With an invisible flash and a soundless roar, Harry's companion appeared, landing on his shoulder before flaming out. As he faded away, one last thought entered his mind._

Damn it! I didn't get to piss on him!

* * *

"Me and Hedwig got back home, and I went back to work, hunting vamps and werewolves, and watching the Ministry of Magic bollix things up. In the end, I had to come back to fix things, and I have." Harry looked down at the two women, who were snuggled up to him on the couch, and could see that they'd both dropped off to sleep as he finished his tale. Gently freeing himself from their embrace, he stood up, and walked away. The two girls shifted closer to each other, arms wrapping around each other to replace their lost warmth.

"Well, Ovo, we've done what we needed to go. Voldemort's been stopped, and the Ministry knows that he can be resurrected. Is my work here done?"

_§Your original mission is complete, yes. But is your work here done?§ _The snake looked at the two sleeping girls. _§If you leave, what becomes of them?§_

"I'd take them with me. I feel something for them, something I haven't felt in years."

_§And what of all the other Hermiones and Ginnys in the world? Who protects them? The Ministry? The people? _Dumbledore?_§_

"You're saying it's my responsibility?"

_§No. I'm saying it's your privilege, to rid the world of this scum. To work in the shadows, to remain behind the scenes, and claim no reward, and to do your duty.§ _The snake looked at the two sleeping girls, who were completely wrapped around each other. _§Well, claim minimal rewards, anyway.§_

Harry was disturbed from his musing by Hedwig flaming in, a copy of the _Daily Prophet_ in her talons.

_**You-Know-Who Defeated! Ministry Plan Executed Flawlessly!**_

_By: Rita Skeeter_

_Today, in Hogsmeade, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was defeating by Ministry personnel in a pitched battle, leaving the Dark Lord's ranks decimated for only minimal casualties and damage for the Light side. Minister Fudge made this statement; 'Your Ministry of Magic, of which I am honoured to lead, devised and developed a plan to combat Lord Thingy, and in a confrontation in Hogsmeade village, a Hit-Wizard defeated the Dark Lord, shredding his body with a technique that, for security reasons, I am unable to mention. This valiant fighter, with the full-thanks of this Ministry, has decided to avoid the public spotlight, content to carry on his tireless work for this administration.' Headmaster Dumbledore, who was in Hogsmeade at the time of the attack, said, 'While Lord XXXXX (Name deleted for public safety) has been defeated, we should all remain alert to the possible rise of other Dark forces.'_

_To our brave defender, this reporter has only this to say; 'Thank you.'_

"So, Pudgy Fudgy thinks that he can claim the credit." Harry looked at his girls, noticing that Ginny had wandering hands, even in her sleep, and that Hermione had a small smile on her face as she enjoyed said hands. "Ah, bollocks to it. I've been sitting back, watching things happen. Time to get to work."

* * *

**Author's Note: **_Yes, I know it's been ages since this story's been updated, but when you're working on something this good, then time is unimportant. Or, in truth, both me and MagnaMorbius have been working on other things. _We have? _Yes, we have. Anyway, Part 2 will be coming soon, and you'll see the important things, like:_

_Will Harry ever forgive his Mum and Dad?_

_Will Voldemort be defeated?_

_Will Ron Weasley ever know love, apart from Flossie, his inflatable rubber sheep?_

_You'll find out soon!_


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